Murkey Grey
by 26Rye J
Summary: In season 6, Buffy comes back from the dead but instead of being found by her friends, she wanders far and meets someone vaguely familiar.
1. Prologue: Part I

**Murky Grey**

**This story breaks with canon in season 4 of Buffy. **

* * *

**Prologue: Part I**

She wasn't just tired. She felt tired of _being_ tired. Carefully removing her jacket, Buffy walked to the mirror. The cut on her brow wasn't much. It stung and dribbled, but it wasn't deep enough to need stitches, and the pain reminded her what was real. She needed that.

Just a few nights before, she stood in front of Angel. Even though they fought, she couldn't help but feel in those moments that she'd entered her life again. His presence, his voice, the emotions he stirred felt so familiar . . . like home. But that feeling wasn't her life. Her life was this: an empty dorm room and an even emptier first aid kit.

Taking a deep breath she looked in the mirror and tried to feel strong. She'd have to tell Riley about Forest. She knew the news would destroy something inside him, but she hoped it would leave something behind. He was all she had right now. Somehow, she needed to keep him from falling apart. Until Adam was destroyed and the initiative was finished, they needed to be strong. Looking at her reflection, she realized she did feel at home in this life . . . she just didn't like her home.

She heard a knock on the door. Expecting Riley to be on the other side, she took a deep breath. Just the thought of the conversation ahead made her nauseous. Grinding her teeth, she took another breath before opening the door.

"Angel." None of her deep breaths had prepared her for this.

Oddly, he looked as surprised as she felt. "Hi, can I come in?"

Her head throbbed and she felt more exhausted than before. "I guess."

"Uh, I need a little more than that."

"Oh, umm." She opened the door wider. "Come in."

She closed it behind him and slowly turned to face him.

"You're hurt." His eyes darted to her cut.

She shrugged. "I'll live." She wanted him to tell her why he was here. Seeing him fidget a bit, she decided to talk first. "Look, if you're here for an apology, I'm sorry. Coming to your town, saying those things - I shouldn't have."

Eyes widening, he tripped over his words. "I d-didn't come here for an apology." He shook his head. "Well, no, I did. I mean, I came here to give one. I was just trying . . . I was trying to make things easier."

He looked so irritated with himself and given their recent drama, she couldn't help but smile. The sneaky smile turned into a chuckle without her noticing. Angel smiled too. Their lives always bordered on the ridiculous; this time was no different.

Angel laughed quietly, "Heh, well, it went pretty well, don't you think?"

She leaned back against the desk. "Swell."

"You know, seriously, I couldn't leave it like that. The way I spoke to you – I came to apologize. I . . . I had no right." His smile looked so warm and his brown eyes so familiar.

Her thoughts sobered her smile, "You weren't entirely wrong. What I said in L.A. -we don't' live in each others' worlds anymore. I had no right to barge in on yours and make judgments."

He looked down. "I'm still sorry."

Closing her eyes, she let those words wash over her. "Thank you."

When she opened her eyes, she saw him about to speak. She wanted to linger with him, but she couldn't. She spoke first. "I'm sorry I don't have more time. I have to go give some hard news to my main ally and then me and him gotta find a way to gut a big Frankesteiny thing."

Straightening up at the change of topic, he frowned, "What about your friends and Giles?"

She a bit more against the desk allowing herself a moment's rest. "You're not the only one who found a shiny new life." Looking at the ground, she murmured, "Not that I blame them. I would too if I could."

Moving on with life was good. Just because not everyone had better things ahead didn't mean they should hold back those who did.

If it was possible, his eyes grew warmer. "Is there anything I can do?"

This was their limit. This was as far or as close as their time together should go. Pulling herself up a bit, she replied, "Honestly. . . I think the best thing you can do right now is—"

He nodded his understanding. "Okay." She moved toward the door then turned around, "It means a lot that you came."

He nodded again; she smiled, but no more words were exchanged. He left the room and met her eyes before walking down the hall. She didn't turn away or close her eyes. Instead, she stayed in the moment and watched the distance between them grow. He disappeared and she walked back inside. Both returned to their lives.

* * *

Under the stars, they leaned on each other. Behind them stood an old willow; before them: a grave.

"The funeral was ... it was brutal, but it's tomorrow that I'm worried about."

Behind her, he murmured, "What's tomorrow?"

"That's exactly what I don't know. Up until now, I ... I've had a road map. Things to do every minute, having to do with Mom."

"Tomorrow the stuff of everyday living resumes."

She looked at her hands. "And everybody expects me to know how to do it, because ... I'm so strong."

He looked at her hands too. "You just need some time. I'm sure everybody understands that."

She shook her head. "Time's not the issue. I can stick wood in vampires, but Mom was the strong one in real life. She always knew how to make things better, just what to say."

"Yeah." He murmured," you'll find your way. I mean, not all at once, but..."

She frowned. "I don't know. I keep thinking about it . . . when I found her. If I had just gotten there ten minutes earlier."

He gently prodded, "You said they told you it wouldn't have made a difference."

"They said 'probably' wouldn't have made a difference. The exact thing they said was 'probably' . . . I haven't told that to anyone."

"Doesn't make it your fault. You couldn't have done anything different."

She wanted to disagree with him, but more than that, she wanted to believe him. She felt sixteen again bringing her problems to this strong, wise man. She turned so she could look at him. Moments passed as she stared at him.

He hooked a tendril of hair behind her ear, "What is it?"

"Your look exactly the same." She continued, "Reminds me of simpler times -worrying about prom, and friends, keeping you here. I miss that."

He caressed her hair . "I'm not sure those count as simpler times."

She met his eyes. "I just buried my mom. I'll take boy troubles and a giant snake any day."

He nodded in his familiar Angel-way.

"You told me then how fast it would go. I get it now."

His frown turned concerned. "You still have a whole life ahead of you."

"I don't know what I have ahead of me."

Gently, he took her hands in his. "Whatever it is, you don't have to face it alone. I know you don't feel like it now, but you are strong, Buffy, and you have people that care about you."

After a moment, she nodded. "Dawn."

"Yes, Dawn and-"

"Spike."

"Spike?"

She almost smiled at his confused scowl. "He's been helping out -helped take care of mom and Dawn, even moved in to be around more." She shrugged a little.

He gave her hand a soft squeeze, "He doesn't have a soul."

"I know." She nodded sadly. "Dawn thinks of him as a big brother, but I know he's just a temporary ally - at most a friend."

His grip on her hand tightened, "You know he's not capable of love. You can't trust him."

She met his concern with resignation. "I already have. I've entrusted him with the most important thing in my life: my family, and he's hasn't let me down."

Realizing this was an argument he wasn't going to win, he sighed, "Just be careful."

"I will."

But Buffy's thoughts no longer sought the past; instead, they felt pulled towards the future. She looked at the sky. "It's gonna be light soon."

He made her more secure in her arms. "I can stay in town as long as you want me."

She snuggled in enjoying the warmth they'd created. "How's forever? Does forever work for you?"

Sitting up, she turned to look at him. She'd felt him stiffen and immediately felt contrite, "That's a bad idea. I'm seriously needy right now."

Instead of pulling away though, he continued to hold her close. "Let me worry about the neediness. I can handle it."

Maybe he could. Leaning in, she kissed him softly, hopefully. He responded and all too soon their gentle kiss grew passionate. They both pulled away breathing hard.

Buffy looked down. "I told you." Hearing his sigh, she continued, "You better go."  
He looked just as regretful about their situation. "I'm sorry."

She didn't want his apologies or his regret. "No. I'm so grateful that you came, Angel." The firmness in her voice made him meet her eyes."I didn't think I was gonna be able to make it through the night."

He might not be able to take away her pain, but at least, he could do this. He could help her through these few moment. Looking up at the sky, he sighed again, "Well, we still have a few more minutes until I have to go."

She couldn't bring herself to smile, so she settled for snuggling back into his chest. "Good."

She clenched a part of his coat sleeve in her hand. "Good."

She didn't think of wishes or regrets. She didn't think of anything. She reveled in his touch, appreciated the warmth between them, and let this moment with him just be.


	2. Prologue: Part II

**Prologue: Part II**

Dawn walked down the steps slowing to find Spike struggling to stand. She was scared to look but couldn't stop herself. Standing next to Spike, she looked at her sister. Strewn unnaturally on the pile of bricks, Buffy still looked like herself. Her skin kept its color and glow; her hair still glistened, but whether from the pool of energy of the fall after, Buffy's spirit wasn't in there anymore. Her sister's death saved the world, but Dawn knew Buffy died for her. She gave a glance to the others around: Willow, Tara, Xander, Anya and Giles. Buffy begged them to help her and they had, but it wasn't enough. After seeing their expressions of failure, she turned back to Spike. She put a hand on his shoulder and felt his silent sobs.

Recalling her fall and the accompanying cracks of light, Spike thought it a proper way for the slayer to go. When Buffy's soul left this world there should be sparks and fire, and the earth itself should bloody shake - and it had. No back alley vamp for his girl – no snapped or bloodied neck. She died whole, in victory, and she'd done it for love of her sister.

Spike slowly picked up the slayer's body and cradled her in his arms. With tears running down his cheeks, he turned to Dawn.

"Come on lil bit; let's go home."

* * *

With Buffy's body just upstairs, Spike tried to figure out what to do next. He'd been around when she'd put together Joyce's funeral, but he mostly just looked after 'lil sis while Buffy made calls and lists. Now it was on him – what coffin to buy, what flowers to pick, who to invite . . . who not to.

Thinking about the slayer's former brood made his blood boil. They'd shown up in the end, but that didn't change the fact they were children -all of them - including Rupert. The past year and a half, they couldn't find a place for themselves in Buffy's life. They didn't know how to keep their connections strong, so they faded. They let her handle the hard stuff; they let her be alone.

He didn't want to deal them and thought it safer for everyone if he didn't. They didn't deserve to stand over her grave, to be there at the end after missing so much. Besides, Dawn didn't need to feel their sympathy or witness their grief; she had enough pain in her without carrying theirs. Right then, he made up his mind. Buffy's funeral wouldn't be like her mother's. There wouldn't be any obituaries or notices. The world had brought enough duty and chaos into all their lives. What Buffy needed now was peace; she deserved it and so did her sister.

Tomorrow, he;d go to the funeral home and arrange a burial crew. Then, him and Dawn would choose a coffin and pick up some flowers – maybe daffodils. He didn't know why, but they reminded him of Buffy – they seemed to suit her. He brought some home once on a whim. She'd smiled then . . . daffodils would be nice.

Two days later, Dawn and Spike went to the cemetery to see her buried. They spent the rest of the night in Buffy's room reminiscing over a bottle of Jack. It probably wasn't the most Buffy-approved form of grieving, but it was his, and if she didn't like it, she could just come back from the dead and kick his ass . . . that would solve everything.

Dawn knew Spike wasn't entirely right in the head immediately following Buffy's death, but his open grief was actually a comfort. It wasn't like when Buffy grieved for their mom, or when their mom grieved for grandma. He didn't try to put on a brave face or keep his feelings locked up. He wasn't trying to be the grown up; he was just Spike and he looked as broken as she felt. Dawn understood no one would be picking up the pieces this time. No one would step in as the real grown up and take care of things, take care of her. From then on, Spike and her would take care of each other. After everything they'd been through during this past year, Dawn wasn't worried. The worst things had already happened. They'd find away to handle whatever came next.

* * *

"It's good to be home."

Angel came back from Pylea and found find Spike and Dawn sitting in his lobby. Their presence meant only one thing. "Buffy."

"Dawn wanted to tell you in person, so here we are."

Spike made it clear he was not keen on company, so even though Wesley and Cordelia wished to join them, they stayed behind as Angel followed Spike and Dawn into another room. The three of them were in his office for a long time, but those outside couldn't tell. Time itself seemed to be on hold; the group outside remained quiet.

Gunn and Fred didn't know what was going on but because of the tension, they didn't ask. Whoever this Buffy was, she meant a lot to the people here. Cordelia rested her head sadly on Wesley's shoulder and Lorne stared at the office door in uncharacteristic silence.

The three eventually made their way out – all worse for wear. Angel offered them a room for the night, but Spike declined.

"We've about had our fill o' this place - no offense mate. We both be wanting to be on our way."

The others kept their distance from the group, but tried to overhear. They figured Angel wouldn't be in the mood to walk much afterwards.

After a few mumbles, they heard Spike continue, "thought it'd be good for her to visit London. See a real city for once."

"You're leaving."

Putting an arm around the youngest summers, Spike lowered his voice, "If I'm to look after lil bit like Buffy asked, we need a place that's going to leave us be. We can't have schools and neighbors askin' questions or getting it in their heads to reach out to the old man."

Understanding flashed on his face. "Mr. Summers doesn't know."

Dawn looked at the ground. "He called after mom's funeral but we haven't heard from him since."

"I'm sorry."

She shrugged.

No knowing what to say about Mr. Summers or questions of custody, he sighed, "So, London . . ."

"Well, we gotta start somewhere." Spike looked at Dawn and gave her arm a reassuring squeeze. She met his eyes and nodded. Angel noticed a subtle lightening of her face; it wasn't a smile, but someday it might be the start of one. It helped him have faith that Buffy knew what she was doing when she entrusted Spike with her sister.

Angel walked them to the door. "Call if you need anything."Vampires don't really age, but Angel noticed Spike looked older.

"I will, but if the world's ending, do us a favor, call someone else."

Angel returned Spike weary smile with his own. "Promise."

Despite their smiles, their words were gravely serious. Buffy sacrificed everything for her sister. She left behind a single protector for her and Angel would lay down his life before bringing pain to either of them. That was all he could do now: honor who she was and the people she loved.

* * *

Sunnydale cemeteries held many different memories for him: hunting with her, talking, kissing, fighting, stalking, and now it would hold the memory of him mourning her. Angel stood beside her grave much the same way he'd stood beside her mother's. He imagined her approaching him like he'd approached her that night: slipping her hand into his. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on the imagined sensation.

He opened them and looked at the rock bearing her name. It didn't seem real that his vibrant lover lay under it.

Like Buffy, over the years he'd developed an apathy to cemeteries. Grave stones were just that, lifeless rocks: replaceable, expendable. He'd forgotten how much a stone could represent. The one before marked the place his love lay. It was supposed to remind people who Buffy was and what the world lost when she left it, but it didn't . . . it couldn't.

Time would pass, and soon this stone would be as meaningless as the rest– a general reminder of death but not in itself significant. All too soon, there wouldn't be anyone left who could see it as more. Everyone who knew the champion beneath it, they would die too - earning little stones of their own. It wasn't right . . . none of this was.

He didn't know why but he wanted to be closer to it. It wasn't her. It wouldn't tell him anything he didn't already know, but still, he felt it draw him near. Crouching down, he felt his lips twitch with a smile and his eyes tickle with tears.

He was reaching out to brush his fingers across her stone-carved name when he saw them, daffodils. Her friends must have planted them, or maybe Dawn. The flowers seemed happy there - all golden and joyful and . . . alive . . .

At that, his already moist eyes began to sting. Everything about her, every moment they spent together, every feeling - it was all so present to him in a way it hadn't been since he'd last seen her . . . since he'd last kissed her and lost himself in their moment.

He remembered what Spike had told him: she'd gone against impossible odds. She'd never said as much, but Spike believed that deep down she knew she wouldn't beat them. She didn't go into battle to save the world this time; she went to save her sister. Dawn was her last tie to this world. After watching Buffy's friends drift away from her, Riley and Giles leave town, and then finally being around when Joyce got sick, Spike thought she didn't have much towards the end. She kept herself together for Dawn and after a nudge from said girl admitted maybe for him too, but they both saw how scared she was, how vulnerable. She didn't want to lose Dawn but in her desperation to save her reason for living, she lost herself.

Dawn whimpered that they didn't blame her for it; they just missed her. Running his fingers over her stone-engraved name, Angel whispered, "You asked me for forever. I'm sorry we didn't get it. I'm sorry for a lot of things, but I promise, I'm yours, Buffy. I will always be yours."


	3. Prologue: Part III

**Prologue: Part III**

He said the world needed a hero and he believed she could be one. For a guy who just lost his Juliet, he was surprisingly good with the pep talks. In fact since dropping her off in Sunnydale, Angel often called just to check in and offer support. The cynical part of her mind thought he called to make sure she didn't go evil again; the hopeful part believed he genuinely liked talking to her.

Over the past three months the A.I. team and Sunnydale's slayer worked together to stop apocalypses and ruin evil's day. Occasionally, Angel would visit or send Gunn to help out, and she always appreciated it – not because she needed the help, but because they were the only company she had. She saw the old gang maybe a handful of times.

The first time she'd run into one of them definitely ranked as the worst. Apparently, the scooby gang she remembered was over. She never saw them when she patrolled at night so they weren't involved in the demon-killing anymore. They also didn't come by the Summers' home where she was staying so they weren't involved with Dawn or Spike's life either.

She ran into Xander first. He was with some chick she vaguely remembered from high school days. He yelled a lot about homicides and prison and all the violent things the slayer would do when she found out. For once, Faith was speechless. She really did not want to be the one to tell Buffy's friends she was dead. Thankfully, Anya's girlfriend chose that moment to remind Xander that Buffy was dead so threatening people about Buffy wasn't very smart. Xander tried explaining the concept of bluffing to her and Faith explained to him that since Spike left town with Dawn, Angel broke her out of jail so she could be on hellmouth-duty. It was all news to him and he did not take it well.

The following visits by Willow and her girlfriend didn't go much smoother. Red yelled and cried and seemed to be in a real blaming kind of mood: She blamed Buffy for not reaching out when her mom got sick and relying on Spike, she blamed Spike for leaving town without telling anyone, and she blamed Angel for sending an unstable slayer to terrorize Sunnydale without talking to Giles. After she'd dropped a year's worth of anger in Faith's face, her girlfriend was able to get Willow to keep walking.

Since then she did her best to avoid the old crew. It wasn't hard considering they avoided her as well – hell, seemed like they avoided each other too.

Things really had changed since she left. If Faith thought life in Sunnydale sucked before, now it was a royal drag. No slayer gang, no watcher, no hunky vamp – just a small town with a slayer grave. She thought back to what Angel had told her about B's last year. The blonde, cheer-queen went solo, lost her mom, shacked up with a vamp and defeated a deity. The hardest part to come to terms with was the Spike thing, but seeing the nice condition of the Summers' home, the well-tended Summers' graves, and knowing that Spike was looking after Dawn, it was obvious he cared. Leave it to B to domesticate a soulless killer. Leave it to her to do a lot things . . .

Maybe it was morbid, but Faith's favorite cemetery to patrol was Restfield. Something about the little grave surrounded by flowers settled her mind. Having spent years battling the undead, B could finally be at peace in a cemetery.

They were friends once. For a short time they'd been like sisters-at least, they fought like it. Even though they hadn't talked in years, she still felt Buffy understood her better than anyone – maybe even better than Angel. He understood the darkness in her, but B understood the good stuff. Faith didn't start fighting on account of redemption; she did it because of duty and destiny and prophecies - because of old men and an even older party line: "she alone will fight the demons." Buffy understood the power of those words: "One girl in all the world . . ." No one else knew what it felt like to be the only chosen.

She would never admit it, but Faith tended the Summers' graves. She picked up the litter and occasionally pulled some weeds. It was her way of letting B know it was all good between them. Past was past, and right now, Faith would do a lot of things to have her back again – all overly optimistic and self-righteous . . . someone she could look at and know that everything was going to be alright because someone like that was around.

If someone had told her she'd be chatting up a grave, she would have laughed. But now, she couldn't really imagine a week going by without checking up on the quiet corner of Restfield and giving a little update on her life. She'd talk to Buffy about the latest evil, her recent boy toys, Angel's last call or visit, her ever-growing loneliness . . . She talked about anything and everything to that tombstone – more than she ever actually talked to the body beneath it. . . . more than she'd talked to anyone. Yeah, it might be morbid, but this was as close as she'd been to well-adjusted in a long time, so she didn't really care.

* * *

It was late and Faith was patrolling as usual. She walked through Restfield but didn't really plan on lingering that night. She had a hankering for some mindless fun – the alcoholic and promiscuous kind. Up ahead she saw some movement. She figured one last dusting and then she could bail. She followed the chick for a few minutes waiting for the right opening to pounce. When the girl in question turned a bit, all slaying plans froze.

Ten yards away stood Buffy Summers – dirty, dressed in black, vampy pale, and kinda freaked out. Faith didn't realize she'd stopped moving until she saw Buffy turn a corner outside the cemetery. She hurried to catch up and get a better look, but when she reached the gate, B was nowhere to be found. Faith wished very hard for a vamp's sense of smell.

She searched for hours as her panic grew. She knew the more time that passed the more chance there was that B could find serious trouble. Who knew what she remembered, what she thought, if she was even at full slayer strength yet? Desperate, Faith reached out to Willow and Xander and heard a lot of things she wished she hadn't. Not knowing what to think, she left them, took a walk, and found a payphone.

She tapped her foot restlessly waiting for someone to pick up. After the fifth ring, Cordelia picked up. She blurted, "Buffy's alive. Willow and them did some mojo and got B back."

Silence, a shriek, and then Angel came on the line.

Faith sighed. "Yeah I'm sure. While I was patrolling tonight, I saw her." She slouched against the wall too tired to be anything but confused. "Nothing. She didn't even notice me. I tried to catch up with her but. . ."

She could almost hear Angel's internal dialogue. Not wanting to lose his focus, she continued, "Angel, I checked out her grave and it looks like a vamp crawled out." She laughed mirthlessly. "Oh, they get stupider. They didn't even know their spell worked until I told em' and now we've lost her. Will's been trying locator spells, but no luck, and since Spike's gone, we're all out of sniffers." Reaching into her pocket, she realized she was all out of quarters. "Listen Angel, I didn't call to give an update, you're investigators right? - well we need to find B, and I'm hoping you guys could, you know, investigate."

And they did. For months AI sifted through police reports and tracking spells, but no matter who they talked to or what magic they used, they couldn't turn up a single clue. Buffy Summers might as well have been dead for all the proof of existence they had. As other cases started to take up more time the fervor for her search cooled, and when Darla turned up pregnant, it ceased all together. Eventually, the team concluded she'd died again. There weren't many valid explanations as to why she'd fallen off the mortal radar as well as the magic one.

Angel understood their reasoning but couldn't agree with them. He had an unshakeable feeling she was out there and given time, he he'd see her again.

Of course, some days he woke up wondering if he actually felt she was still alive or just hoped it. He imagined it was both. Whatever feeling he had fueled his hope, and the hope he carried only intensified the feeling.


	4. Chapter 1: Life is Fickle

**I try and post once a week. I'm determined to finish every story I start - no matter how long it takes, so don't fret about cliff hangers without resolutions. **

**Reviews certainly help the process. Review keep me motivated, broaden my thinking, and improve my storytelling. So if you have a moment, as you read, let me know what you like, don't like, your questions, suggestions, observations - anything that might be on your mind. **

**Now, on with the tale:**

* * *

**Murky Grey**

_**Snow like sugar on the ground**_

_**Melts a little, we fall down.**_

_**As we work to make our way,**_

_**We track in the murky grey.**_

* * *

**Chapter 1: Life is Fickle**

Without any news or leads, Angel met Gunn and Fred back at the Hotel. "Please tell me you have something." He stopped short seeing Groo and Cordy with ice packs.

Surrounded by Gunn and Fred, Cor glanced his way, "if you count a couple of concussions."

Gunn ignored Angel and continued with his questions, "And then what?"

Cordy glared, "And then what nothing. Standing, talking, boom - knocked on our butts."

Angel looked at the air above them, "You think something else came out of there?"

Forgetting her pain, she held the ice away gesturing, "Hello? Face down. Knocked out?"

Tentatively, Fred pulled out the book on her lap, "I found a picture of that beast Connor killed. And uhm, it says that these things usually have a mate." She passed the book to Gunn. He looked it over and closed it as the rift above the Pentagram crackled again.

Cordy jumped at the sound, "Where is Lorne? He should have been back with that expert hours ago."

Gunn eyed the pentagram warily. "Well, he said it was complicated."

Angel walked around the pentagram sniffing the air. "While we're waiting for Lorne's guy to come and patch this up, you wanna tell me where Connor was last sighted?" Instead of launching into police scans and news reports, Fred and Gunn stayed silent.

He watched them avoid eye contact. "He grew up in a hell dimension how bad could anywhere here be?"

Fred answered softly, "We don't know."

Cordy chimed in, "What about your super sniffer? Can't you just smell him out?"

Angel looked chagrined, "I tried that, but it's like the trail just stops. If I didn't know better I'd say he been here for a month rather than a few hours. He knows L.A. well enough to disappear."

Looking at his feet, Gunn shrugged, "Guess hell teaches a thing or two 'bout laying low."

Before anyone could reply, the door opened and Lorne, wearing a hat and trench coat, walked in with a blue-haired woman in a black cloak.

Cordy took off the ices again. "Lorne!"

"Uh, sorry it took so long, kids. Mistress Meerna is a _very _difficult woman to find." He beside him but his guest had disappeared. Hearing footsteps, Cordelia turned around to find Meerna walking down the stairs from the first floor. Lorne sighed, "There, you see what I mean? It's been like that all day! One of the nasty side effects of specializing in dimensional magic. What I wouldn't do for a lasso and some crazy glue."

Seeing this situation being handled, Angel turned back to the door, "I'm gonna go back out there."

Gunn put in, "You want Fed and me to join ya? Ya know, ask around, divide the town?" He expected Angel to turn the offer down and ask them to go into research mode.

Instead, Angel gave a curt but solemn nod and continued on his way. Putting aside their surprise, they hustled to his side. Apparently, doing things the slow and thorough way wasn't his top priority. Angel wanted to find his son, and he wanted to find him now.

* * *

Three days passed without any sightings. Around dawn, Angel and Gunn met up after doing another sweep - Gunn checking the alleys above ground and Angel scouring the sewers below. They were just about to head back to the hotel, when they heard a thump - and then another. Angel turned around and saw two figures exiting the alley having just jumped off a fire escape.

Although the clothes were different, the height and walk were familiar enough for Angel to shout, "Connor!" Catching on, Gunn ran after the figures. When he made it to the street, Gun couldn't spot them. The sun had risen, and the streets were relatively empty so it should have been easy, but they really weren't there. From the shadows behind him, Angel practically growled. "Where'd he go?"

Gunn just shrugged murmuring, "Man, your boy moves fast."

"His parents are vampires. What'd you expect?"

Catching his breath, Gunn smirked, "Nah, not like that. Not even here a week and he already got himself a girlfriend."

Angel's frowned deepened His son's short, brown haired companion did appear female, but a romantic relationship? He hadn't had time enough to adjust to Connor walking and talking let alone dating.

* * *

Angel wished time would stop marching forward. He knew what he had to do, but if time stopped, he could put it off indefinitely. But time didn't -shouldn't- stop, so Angel continued his search while dreading success.

Seeing him pace again, Fred soothed. "It's going to be okay. It's only been a couple days since you saw him so most likely he's still in the city."

Gunn looked up from map-covered floor. "And he's not alone - he's got a friend."

Angel stared at the maps. "When it was just me trying to keep him safe, failure was hard to accept, but now, he needs to know this. He deserves to."

Touching his arm, Cordy looked at him earnestly. "We'll find him."

Fred looked at Gunn meaningfully. When he shook his head, she escalated it to nudging. After a nudge or two, he sighed. "Your smeller ain't our only hope finding two street kids." He felt the whole room staring at him -especially Angel. "By now they've probably fallen in with a group or at least been noticed by one. I can check them out."

Cordelia frowned, "Why didn't you do that already?"

Ignoring the question, Gunn took the jacket Fred offered him. "Give the smelling a break and come with me."

He made it to the door, but didn't feel Angel behind him.

Angel watched his friend carefully as well as Fred's concerned expression. He concluded, "You're scared. You think they'll be more trouble than help."

"Gotta take the risk." Gunn looked anxious but determined, "He needs to know right?"

Angel nodded slowly and followed him out.

Fred looked at Cordelia, "So what do you think his lady friend's like?"

"Crazy or desperate - maybe both." She walked back over to the maps and straightened the ones they'd accidentally knocked aside. "You'd have to be to hang around someone just out of a hell dimension."

"I think it's nice he found someone." She smiled. "Everyone should have someone they can count on."

Cordy's gaze appeared distant, "Yeah."

Fred noticed her wistfulness and rambled, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean - I mean, I know it must be hard to talk about couples since you and Groo . . . since he left."

"It was what it was: nice but not a forever thing. Connor will learn soon enough that people who fall in your path aren't always meant to stay there."

Fred gave a small nod but remained silent. While she didn't see her and Gunn breaking up, she accepted nothing is guaranteed. One minute you're minding your business restocking shelves, the next you can be pulled into another dimension and enslaved. Life is fickle that way.


	5. Chapter 2: Finding a Fight

**Chapter 2: Finding a Fight. **

When they were still a ways from their destination, Gunn led Angel into an alley. "You're going to wait here and do that hide-in-the-shadows thing."

Noticing Gunn eye the street, Angel frowned. "You need someone to watch your back."

"And if you were human, you might be able to help with that, but you being a vampire, it'll take longer to persuade 'em or we'll be fighting our way out. Either way, you'll just slow me down."

Angell shrugged acceptance.

Gunn glared. "No one better see you -including me." After a sigh, he grumbled. "especially me."

Angel waited for Gunn to walk back onto the street before beginning his inconspicuous journey.

* * *

It had been a while, but Gunn still remembered the old hunting routine. In less than an hour, he caught up to a group leaving a warehouse.

"Terrell!"

The most armed member stepped forward.

"Gunn, didn't think you'd still remember where this place was."

"Hasn't been that long."

"But it has been a while." He looked back the the others. "Why don't you share with the family, what's been eating your time?"

Gunn recognized a few of the faces. "We're not family."

"Not wrong about that." Terrell met his eyes again. "No brother of mine chooses a vamp over his own kind."

Gunn breathed deep. "I'm not here about me."

"Why don't I inform the em' for you? Out ol' Charlie here been playing superman with a demon." He stroked his crossbow. "Spending your days walking around in your nice clothes with your nice girl."

"- she wasn't why I left."

"and spending the nights saving other nice dressed folks."

Gunn spoke through gritted teeth. "I help whoever needs it."

"Then how come no one's seen you in this part of town?"

"I'm here now."

"Because you want something. You won't visit old friends, but you'll ask em' for help." He reloaded his crossbow. "Makes a fella feel used."

"I'm not asking you. I'm asking Brooks." He didn't look at the younger man in the back.

Terrell glanced back. "You gonna be used like this?

Brooks called out. "I owe him one."

Terrell stepped out of his way. "Go ahead, then, pay your debt."

Brooks stepped forward, and together him and Gunn walked down the street away from others' hearing.

Brooks kept his eyes on the ground. "You shouldn't be here man."

"Don't I know it."

"What you need?"

Gunn stepped in front of him startling the boy into making eye contact. "Lookin' for a boy: brown hair, yay tall, fights with a shorter girl." He added. "He's new in town. Don't know about the girl."

Brooks nodded and thought a moment. "neighboring crew been braggin bout a girl they got - came out of nowhere - strong, fast. Rumor is a few weeks ago, she brought back a guy then split off."

"How do I find em'?"

"I don't know."

Gunn felt the urge to slap him upside the head but quickly forgot it. They weren't that kind of friends anymore - especially not when the group was staring at them, hoping for an excuse to make trouble.

Gunn settled for glaring at the kid.

"Way I heard, the chick has a thing for dangerous. She's been spotted lower east a couple times - still takin' on the biggest nests."

"Alone?"

He shrugged. "Got your boy with her." Sensing the others watching him, brooks shifted on his feet.

Gunn sensed their time was up. He nodded. "Thanks man."

"It won't go smooth if you track us again."

"One time thing." He tried to smile. "We're good."

Brooks nodded before walking away. Once he'd made half way back towards the group, Gunn left in the opposite direction.

When he made it to the next block, he suspected Angel's presence. He didn't comment until the next block.

"You hear all that?"

Angel slipped out of the shadows next to him. "Lower East."

"You take the sewers, I'll take the car?"

He nodded. "Sun will be up soon."

Gunn watched him scan for a sewer entrance. "We're not stopping till we find him - no matter how long it takes."

Angel frowned at the buildings. "Sometimes people get lost."

"But eventually they turn up."

Angel walked away whispering, "Not everyone."

* * *

Gunn may not know a lot about a lot of things, but he did know a lot about surviving. To help his friend, he sought out places he'd be least likely to survive. When his instincts told him to back up, he went forward. The more on edge he felt, the more he imagined himself getting closer. Brooks did say the girl liked danger.

Not long after the sky started to lighten, he found himself driving down fearless blocks. Small streets, apartments, a pawn shop. Vampires fed in the open and no one stopped, screamed, or ran away.

People here didn't hide inside from evil; they went about their lives. If he was looking to get himself killed, this'd be a good place.

Diligently scanning buildings and allies, Gunn continued his slow crawl down the blocks. Around noon, he heard sounds of a scuffle nearby. He put the car in park and followed the sounds. Down a wide alley between gates and fences, he saw half a dozen kids against two dozen demons.

In the center of violence, he spotted Connor. Gunn pulled out a knife from his jacket and joined the fray. For a while, he forgot about Connor and Angel and everything complicated about his life. For a while, he was the man Brooks and Terrell remembered - the one always up for fight.

He didn't get as much action as he thought he would though. Connor and his girl took down three or four at a time evening the odds quickly. Some demons actually fled at the sight of them.

In no time, the fight ended. As the group settled -wiping off demons blood, and assessing the injuries, Gunn walked over to Connor and pulled him aside. When Gunn grabbed his arm, the boy looked ready to strike. "Whoa, I'm just here cuz Angel needs to talk to you." He rushed on, "It's about Holtz."

Connor wrenched his arm away. "I don't need to hear his lies."

Gunn followed Connor as he walked off. "Right now, no one cares what you think about Angel, this ain't about that."

Connor moved quickly scanning his surroundings.

"Holtz is dead."

Connor turned around. "How could you know that?" He stalked towards Gunn never losing eye contact, "He's here?" He looked about to hit him again.

"Hey man, I don't know." Having just seen this kid fight, he did not want to get into it with him.

From behind, A tiny woman placed a hand on Connors arm. The movement calmed him and ceased his threatening movements.

Gunn let out a breath before continuing, "I don't have answers, but Angel does, which is why he told me to find you. Will you come back with me?"

"I want to see his body."

Gunn nodded. He stepped aside wanting him to walk ahead so he wouldn't lose him.

Connor stepped forward and the girl did too. They weren't halfway to the car when they were shouts down the alley.

Turning around, they saw the other kids jumping a fence looking ready to fight.

Connor took one step forward before the girl put her free hand on his shoulder. Pulling him back, she glanced at Gunn and commanded softly, "Go."

He leaned his forward against hers for a second before she sprinted after the others and whatever trouble they chased.

Connor watched her till she disappeared over the fence. He turned and continued towards the car.

Gunn frowned. "Shouldn't we help?" He didn't like leaving when a fight was starting up.

Connor didn't pause. "We help; we don't leave. I need answers."

Reluctantly, Gunn opened the car. "You're not worried about em'?"

Connor looked straight into his eyes. "She's there."

Gunn didn't know this chick, but no one's invincible. His mission, however, was clearly defined: find Angel's kid and get him to the hotel, so he pushed aside his worry and started the car. Driving through and out of these fearless blocks, Gunn sighed. Terrell was right; he had gotten good at turning his back.

He glanced at the sullen teen. If Con wasn't worried about the woman, then he wasn't going to either. The boy was his friend's kid, but Connor's girl was nothing to him. Cold reality said he couldn't save everyone. He'd try to save the ones who meant something to him, and the rest, well, they'd have to save themselves.


	6. Chapter 3: Family Helps

**Chapter 3: Family Helps**

Hearing the door open, Angel hurried out into the lobby. "Connor, you're okay."

The boy eyed him with suspicion. "Holtz."

"So Gunn told you . . ."

"My father is dead." His expression was both grim and angry. "How?"

"He was stabbed in the neck."

"He followed me here."

Angel nodded. "When he couldn't find you, he returned here."

Connor simply glared.

"He thought we had you." Angel watched him move slowly from the threshold further in the room. "He left again and a couple days ago, I found him . . . dead."

Connor swallowed.

He continued gently, "I've been trying to give you time and space, but this was something I thought you needed to know."

"Demon?"

"We don't know, but we're going to find out."

Connor unconsciously gripped his weapons. "Where is he?"

"Here." Angel glanced at the basement door. "We waited until you could be here to bury him." He returned his eyes to his son. "Unless- if you want to do something else, we can. We can burn instead of bury." Looking at the floor he continued, "I'm not sure what you're used to."

"His family was buried?"

Being the one who killed Holtz's family, Angel was too tense to speak. He managed a nod.

"He should go in the ground like them. . . He's home now."

Gunn stepped forward. "He's been fighting all night. Bad news on top of it, the boy could use some rest."

Angel noticed Connor looking at the basement door. "If you want, you can stay here until we figure this out."

"I have to return." His voice sounded distant. "Someone waiting."

Gunn shrugged. "No reason your girl can't stay here too."

Angel nodded. "There's plenty of room."

"I'll ask"

Seeing Connor heading for the door, Gunn called out, "Nah man, you sleep a bit, I'll go fetch your fighting friend."

The suggestion seemed to confuse him. "She won't come with you."

"Don't worry so much." He pat him on the back. "I'll bring her back." Gunn walked to the door and called backwards. "Want to give a place to start lookin'?"

Connor frowned. "She doesn't stay places. I track scent."

He shrugged. "I'll figure something out. I found you didn't I?"

With that, Gunn went out into the day leaving Angel and his son alone.

"Tired? Hungry?"

Connor stared at him. "You're awake."

Angel looked at him curiously, but then his eyes widened. "Oh, because of the sun." Shaking his head, he put his hands in his pockets. "I'm awake when people need me to be - night or day."

He tilted his head "Who needs you now?"

"Well, you didn't really need me, but I wanted to be awake in case -I just . . ."

"You wanted to wait."

Angel lips turned up into a slight smile. "I'm glad I waited."

"I don't want to rest."

Angel watched him for a moment. "You want to wait . . . for your friend."

"Do you want to eat something?"

Connor shook his head.

"You want to wait." Angel nodded. "Alright, you can wait wherever you like. . . . can I wait with you?"

Connor nodded.

Angel sat down on the round couch. Connor sat on the other side with his back to him.

"What's your friend's name?"

"She did not tell me."

Cordelia came down the stairs. "Is she pretty?"

Connor tracked her movements. "She fights."

From above them, "Pretty girls can fight. Cordelia does."

Connor looked up but couldn't see anyone.

Angel answered. "That was Fred, and the one on the stairs in Cordelia."

Cordy smiled and continued to the kitchen. "Do you want something to eat?"

Angel replied, "He wants to wait." He tried talking to Connor again. "Lorne is around somewhere around here too. He looks a little green."

Connor kept a tight hold on his weapons. "You have many friends."

He nodded. "They help me fight."

"Some demons are very hard to kill."

Angel wasn't sure if he speaking general or referencing Holtz's attempt to kill him, so he didn't reply.

Waiting in silence worked for him and seemed to work for Connor, so that's what they did.

* * *

Gunn was surprised to see Angela and Connor still in the lobby. They must have waited there all night.

"Did you find her?"

"Sorry kid." Gunn meant to add more but yawned instead.

Connor stood up. "Didn't think you would."

Angel stood too. "I could help track her with you."

Connor walked to the door. "You don't know her scent."

He left without looking at him. The door shut, and Gunn patted his shoulder. "He'll be back man."

Angel had to have faith he was right.

* * *

The day passed slowly. The night unfolded. A door closed and familiar footsteps crossed the lobby. Angel rushed out of his office. "You came back."

"She's gone."

Angel approached slowly. "What happened?"

"Big land. No scent. People say she left."

"You said she moves around a lot? Maybe in a few days, she'll be back."

Frowning, he sat on the steps. "I left her to come here. I should not have done that."

Fred and Gunn stood up from the desk behind the counter. "You just met her."

"I've known her longer than I've known you."

Fred murmured, "That's not exactly true."

"You say you are family."

Angel nodded. "We'll find out who killed Holtz and help you find your friend."

Connor didn't reply.

Fred turned around. "Maybe Lorne can help."

Gunn stepped forward. "Angel, can I talk to you for a sec?"

Angel nodded and followed him into the kitchen.

"You sure finding this girl is the best thing?" Seeing the beginnings of a scowl, he continued, "We don't know who this chick if she's even human." He could tell he was being ignored. "Angel, you didn't see this girl fight."

Angel spared only a small portion of his focus to Gunn's concern. Already, he was making mental lists of investigators, warlocks, and nearby friends who might be willing to help with the search. If this girl could give Connor, a hell-trained hunter, the slip, finding her would require more than just vampire senses.

"Even if she is human," Gunn continued, "Not all the kids on the street are totally sane - especially the ones who hunt."

Angel's scowl deepened. "What are you saying?"

With his hands in his pockets, he shrugged. "I'm saying maybe it's best if she isn't found. One psycho is finally out of his life, does your boy really need another?"

Angel stopped strategizing and considered Gunn's words. With a determined narrowing of his eye, Angel concluded, "Connor trusts us to help him with this. I won't disappoint him." Angel looked at the closed door separating him and Connor. "What she is doesn't matter. We have to find her for him." With that, Angel opened desk drawers looking for contact information.

"Okay." Gunn nodded. "I'll talk to Brooks again."

Angel looked up just as Gunn walked out. To an empty room, he replied, "Thank you."

After losing his son and getting him back. Angel would do anything to earn his trust. Find this girl might be his only chance to do that, so he couldn't waste it.

Wherever she was -whoever she was, Angel was going to find her.


	7. Chapter 4: New Friend?

**Chapter 4: New Friend?**

Within hours, Gunn walked across the lobby hollering, "We're back!"

Connor and the girl trailed behind. Hearing the front door shut and Gunn's greeting, Lorne scurried now the stairs to meet their guests. "Hey there sugarplum. You've given everyone quite a stir looking for you. The big guy just got back from a-"

Lorne didn't get within three feet before he was shovedflat against the wall. "Whoa, hey now." He put up a hand in defense which was impatiently twisted back against the wall.

Gunn stood stunned while Connor approached them carefully warning the now panicking demon, "Don't move."

Lorne's eyes darted to Connor, "What is she doing?"

Connor watched her frown. "She can sense evil. She won't stay unless she's certain."

"That I'm evil?" Lorne croaked.

"That you're not."

When Connor reached her side, he peeled Lorne from the wall and pulled his hands behind his back making Lorne's chest puff up.

Gunn stepped forward. "Yo kid, this ain't happening."

"Don't touch her."

Connor nodded to the girl, and after a moment's hesitation, she reached out her hand.

Calming at her gentle touch on his chest, Lorne whined, "Was the violence necessary? I mean she could have just asked-even potential evil deserves some courtesy?"

Gunn nodded. "Yeah how about a show of trust?"

"This is trust." Connor kept his eyes fixed on her face. "She doesn't like this. If she believed I might betray her, she'd-"

"-Kill him?" Gunn accused.

Connor frowned. "-leave. She might hit me so I could not track her."

Gunn shook his head. "That's some relationship you got there - a lot of love."

The girl placed her other hand on Lorne's face increasing pressure on his chest. A moment passed, she opened her eyes and took a step back from Lorne.

After exchanging looks with her, Connor released the demon and stood beside her.

Breathing rapidly, Lor began straightening his clothes "Okay then."

Gunn shifted on his feet. "He pass?" When Connor nodded yes, Gunn squinted hard at him. "So if someone passes your girl's test, you believe they're not evil, just like that?"

With an unshakeable calm, Connor looked him straight in the eye. "She's not wrong."

Gunn took off running up the stairs. "ANGEL!"

Hearing the scream, Angel rushed off the phone. "If you hear of anyone matching her description, please let me know." He bumped into Gunn at the door. "What's wrong? Is it Connor?"

Panting and excited, Gunn huffed out his words, "Gotta get down there. Found Connor. Found his girl. She senses evil." He took a deep breath. "You gotta let her sense you."

Gunn turned back down the hall, and Angel frowned. "You think I'm evil?"

He shook his head. "Not even like that, but your boy has some serious doubts. He don't trust you, but her? If she says you're not evil, he'll believe it."

Eyebrows raised, Angel took off down the hall "Let's go."

Angel ran down to the lobby and reached the group. His son stood near the front desk staring at a small girl with her back to them. Neither of them were talking, but Angel could tell they were communicating somehow.

Gunn caught up with him and pushed him closer toward the pair. "Okay, stand right here, and don't move."

He watched Lorne trudge away cradling his wrist. "Not unless you want your arm twisted."

Turning back to the pair he came face to face with a ghost.

He couldn't move, couldn't question, could hardly think.

All he could do was stare as Buffy stepped closer. She glanced at Connor before reaching out her hand to Angel's chest. She looked straight into his brown eyes.

As soon as he felt her touch him, he found his voice. "Buffy?"

She didn't reply; instead she placed her other hand on the side of my face and closed her eyes.

He let his eyes close and savored her presence, her touch, her scent.

All too soon, she broke the connection and stood back.

Connor immediately stepped forward eager for her verdict. He stared wordlessly and eventually she nodded.

He leaned forward so their foreheads touched. She turned her head slightly so she could glance at Angel again. She squeezed Connor's arm and he let out a shaky breath.

Nodding, he took a small step back. His breathing was shaky.

Angel noticed his posture was less alert than it was relaxed. Without saying a word, she'd persuaded Connor to trust this place . . . to trust him.

For a moment, Angel forgot her identity and simple marveled at the connected the two seemed to share.

The moment ended, and Angel's excitement, anxiety and curiosity returned to the front of his mind.

Angel stepped forward. "Buffy, do you remember me?"

Gunn frowned. "You know her?" His eyes bulged. "Wait, this is the dead ex?"

Neither Buffy nor Connor seemed aware of the exchange around them.

"Buffy?" Angel called again.

He murmured, "Why won't she look at me?" Since touching his chest, she hadn't spared him a single glance. Even if her memory was gone, she would still look at him wouldn't she?

His thoughts were disrupted by the quick jerk of her head towards the stairs. One moment her eyes were alert; the next she'd practically scaled the walls and was climbing over the banister.

Angel had been too focused on Buffy's lack of response to notice the soft sounds coming from the second floor, but realizing what she must be thinking he rushed after her.

Gunn hollered, "Hey, chill, it's just Fred!"

Before he could reach her, Buffy found Fred.

She startled. "Hi there." Fred cluded from the new face that Connor finally found his friend. In her usual light, shy manner, she approached held out her hand.

Buffy scanned the girl from head to toe before stepping back. Her posture relaxed and with easy grace she jumped from the second floor to the first landing softly on her feet.

Angel looked at Fred. "You okay?"

Nodding she stepped to the banister and looked at the faces in the lobby. Everyone was looking at the small blonde, but she didn't seem to find them nearly as interesting.

Connor approached her side. "She needs rest."

"Yes." Angel nodded absently. "There are rooms enough for both of you."

Taking her hand, Connor led her up the stairs and down one of the hallways.

Gunn frowned. "Not much of a talker is she?"

Fred smiled shakily. "She seems nice."

Angel stood completely still as they passed him. He didn't know why but his hands felt like they were shaking.

Connor led her deep into the hotel. They climbed stairs, jumped over broken floor boards and eventually found a dark nook on the top floor. Connor broke a window to let in the night air while Buffy barricaded the doors.

They met in the middle. She started to sit down, but he grabbed her arm holding her up. For a moment, she frowned, but then slowly, Connor reached for her hand and pressed her fingers to his temple. He looked at her intently holding her hand to him.

A moment passed without either of them breathing.

Closing her eyes, she placed her other hand over his heart and waited. He closed his eyes, and they breathed together. Minutes passed and their breathing slowed, deepened, relaxed.

He felt her fingers brush the side of his face as it too came to rest over his heart. When he opened his eyes, her expression startled him. He'd never seen her smile before, and he'd never seen a prettier smile. He wanted her to stay this way.

Then, what her smile meant struck him. . . . he wasn't evil. His eyes glistened. She nodded once, and he almost fell back. Together they sat on the floor. She steadied him and he rested against her. His forehead lay on her shoulder. With on hand she held his and with the other she brushed his hair with her fingers. Many tears fell from his eyes. A single tear fell from hers.


	8. Chapter 5: Old Friend

**Chapter 5: Old Friend**

Wesley did not expect this. He didn't even know what this was. "Angel."

The two men contemplated each other.

Wes tried to look stoic but the surprise of the visit rattled him.

"I tried to kill you for a reason," Angel finally spoke. "but there are bigger problems than vengeance."

"Alright."

"I need your help. Something's wrong with Buffy."

All remnants of Wesley's stoicism fell away. "You found her."

"Connor did."

He continued to process. "Connor's back?"

"Portal opened few weeks ago, and my son dropped out of it, a teenager."

Processing stopped and wonder took its place. "An adolescent."

"Hell of a time difference."

"Indeed. And he found Buffy?"

"I don't know how or when; we haven't talked much. Being raised by my mortal enemy makes getting to know each other -complicated."

Wesley walked back into his apartment and poured himself a drink. "What do you need from me?"

"Buffy." He tried to ignore the empty bottle of liquor lying around. "She's her, but not her. I don't know if it's from being brought back, the spell used to bring her back, or something else entirely. You were a watcher, there's must be some way you can figure her out."

"Indeed." Glass in hand, he moved about the roo. "I'll need to gather some things." He paused and looked back at Angel warily.

"They are the only things that matter to me right now." That seemed to decide the matter as Wesley soon stood before him with two bags and a book in his hand instead of a drink.

"Let's go."

* * *

Walking through the lobby, Wesley put his bags on the front desk. "Has Lorne read her yet?"

Angel listened for the others. "She won't sing for him."

"Why not?"

"We don't know. She won't talk to us."

Wesly sighed, "I apologize for the repetition, but again I ask, why not?"

"You'll see."

Cordelia hurried down the stairs. "Angel! Buffy's back - which I gather you already knew since she's staying here with Connor, and hey, look! Wesley's back to. It's like senior year on repeat."

Angel humored her with a half smile. "You pass?"

"The Buffy test? Yes."

Wesley echoed, "The Buffy test?"

Cordelia glanced his way. "Yeah, it's this thing where she touches you to determine if she should kill you or not." She turned back to Angel . "By the way, what's up with that? I didn't know slayers came with evil detectors."

Angel shook his head helplessly.

Wesley frowned. "Slayers are sensitive to supernatural energies and phenomena, but what you're describing has not been documented in any of the extant Watcher diaries."

Angel glanced at the staircase. "Where is she?"

"Exploring the hotel." Cordelia straightened with a smile. "They wanted to go out and kill things, but We covered by telling Connor that there might be things to kill here."

As if hearing his name, Gunn walked out of the office with Fred beside him. Unable to find words, they simply nodded their acknowledgement of Wes.

Gunn scanned the ceiling. "With all this conversation, they should be scoping out this room soon enough."

The group waited in silence a moment.

Cordelia huffed and pushed the counter lamp to the floor. Everyone turned to her.

She shrugged. "Just speeding things along."

Another moment passed and sure enough, movement by a banister caught Angel's attention.

Connor jumped from he second floor to the first landing silently. Just as everyone turned to him, a slight change in air made Angel look at the other banister in time to see Buffy land too.

Connor and Buffy scanned the room and focused on the broken lamp.

The others felt wary of the silent, skulking movements of the pair.

As Buffy got closer, Wesley tried to smile. "Hello Buffy. How are you?"

Cordelia scoffed. "Don't bother, she doesn't talk much, or at all really."

Gunn frowned at Buffy. "Hey, I heard her say 'go' to Connor, so we know she can. She just don't."

"Interesting." Wesley watched Buffy watch him. She seemed to watch everything about him.

Cordelia tapped Wesley. "Hey, I think she recognizes you."

Angel whispered, "Buffy?" Like before, she had no reaction to Angel's voice.

At a nod from her, Connor came up behind Wesley.

Cordelia grumbled, "Is she gonna get all touchy again? He's completely human."

Cordelia's voice and Buffy's presence hurtled Wesley back 3 years to his first encounter with Ms. Summers.

_Is he evil? _The same question

_Not in the strictest sense._ And the same answer applied.

Buffy reached up her hand, but instead of touching him, she slipped her hand in his pocket.

"How did you-?"

_How did you know? _The same question.

_It pooches your jacket. _And again, the same answer applied. So much had happened since then, but Wesley thought mockingly, he hadn't changed a bit.

Buffy held up her discovery: a very small colored needle holding a very large dose of something.

Fred voiced everyone's thoughts. "What is that?"

"Medicine."

Angel scowled, but Gunn spoke next. "For who?"

Buffy removed the cap on the needle.

"Be careful. It's not a toy."

"Hey! what the- FRED!" In less than a second, Buffy shot it like a dark into Fred's neck. She went down instantly.

While Gunn caught her, Cordelia snapped, "What'd you do that for?"

Connor stared at Fred lying on the floor. "Poison."

"No, it's not poison." Wesley tried to calm the panicking man, "Gunn, Fred will be fine. It's just a mild tranquilizer." He looked at the rest of the group. "It's in case she, well." He stepped towards the blonde, and she stepped back accordingly. "Buffy, I'm not here to hurt you. I'm here to help you."

Taking her hand, Connor frowned. "She doesn't need any help." Together, the pair walked stepped back from the group.

Cordelia stepped passed Wesley. She spoke softly, "Connor, she should remember us but she doesn't. She should be able to understand us, but she can't."

Gunn looked at Buffy who didn't make real eye contact with anyone. "This isn't the way people are supposed to be."

Connor put his hand on the knife at his side. In response, Buffy's free hand flexed and tightened.

Angel stepped forward with his arms out. "Trust us. We're not evil, not even she thinks so." He took another step. "Let us try and make her better."

Both Connor and Angel glanced at Wesley reluctantly.

* * *

Pacing the lobby, Angel waited for Wesley to finish with Buffy and Connor. They had been in one of the spare rooms for hours, or maybe it just seemed like it. Buffy wouldn't talk and Connor wasn't chatty either so he didn't understand what was taking so long.

Cordelia sat on the counter looking at her nails. "I'm sure she's fine Angel. I mean she's Buffy. Given a little time, she'll be cracking jokes and painting her nails again." She looked through a cup of pens presumable for a nail file. "I mean you've come back from the dead a couple times, and you're alright."

"The first time, I came back a vampire and the second, a barbaric predator - a monster."

"And you got over it."

"_Buffy _got me over it." He stopped pacing. "She made me more than a monster. . . both times."

Cordelia shrugged. "Well, now you'll be there for her; you get to return the favor."

"I don't think I know how." He looked up at the staircase. "I was never good at being what she needed."

Cordy hopped off the counter, came up and patted him on the shoulder. "Just wait until Wes comes back before going on an extended guilt trip, okay?"

Angel nodded and continued pacing. Cordelia huffed but sat on the couch to continue the wait.

Eventually, Wesley did come down.

With raised arms, Wes placated, "I did not further agitate the pair with my prodding, and Gunn and Fred are with them now, so they have supervision."

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "You didn't add to the why-Angel-wants-me-dead list. Good for you. Just tell us-"

"What's wrong with her?" Angel's words didn't come out as the growl Wes was expecting. It sounded more like a plea which made Wesley loathe his answer.

"I don't know."

Cordelia pressed, "Can she even hear us?"

Angel folded his arms. "Most of the time, she acts like we're not here."

"You're not - not to her at least."

Cordy frowned. "Say that again."

Wesley put his notepad on the counter. "Currently, Miss Summers recognizes only friend and foe. No one else exists. Once she dismisses you as a threat, you cease to catch her focus."

Cordelia protested, "But we're her friends - kind of."

Wesley ignored the observation - as did Angel. They both recognized the probable truth that Buffy's memory of life before death was buried if not erased.

Angel looked up towards the room. "How do we gain her focus again?"

"Become either a significant threat or a strong ally."

Cordelia looked exasperated. "How do we do that when she doesn't know we're here?"

"She knows."

"But you just said -"

Wesley rubbed his neck. "She's limited in how much she takes in at one time - by choice or not, I don't know, but she is highly aware of her surroundings. She senses where we are and how we sound - she just doesn't understand what our sounds mean exactly."

Angel looked at him. "But she understands Connor, right?"

Wesley dropped his shoulders. "It's more likely she reacts to Connor's attempt to communicate rather than anything he actually says. Which is why when I asked him to call her Buffy, she responded no differently than when I asked him to address her as Fred, Slayer, or sir. Most of their communication seems to be nonverbal - touch, tone, facial expression."

Cordy pressed, "But she can talk."

"According to Connor, she's plenty capable of giving one word directions in battle, but they've yet to have conversation. It's probable she filters out information which she deems irrelevant to survival."

Angel unfolded his arms. "So where do we go from here?"

"I think our first goal should be getting her to sing for Lorne. It's out our best chance at getting real answers."

"Ha." Cordy guffawed, "And how do we get her to do that?"

Angel murmured, "Connor."

Putting his hands in his pockets, Wesley shook his head. "When he asked, she maintained eye contact but didn't answer, didn't even blink. He mind as well have sneezed for all the notice she gave the request."

Cordy replied flippantly, "How do we know she's not just blowing him off?"

Wesley looked at the ground. "There is nothing cavalier about their relationship. Connor said he followed her, fought with her, and defended her for over a week before she paid him any mind. However, when she did, the things she took notice of were his movements, needs, and tactics. She sees him as an ally in her fight for survival. She wouldn't play games with that kind of ally."

She huffed, "But she still won't talk to him."

"Or sing," Angel added.

"To her such things are unimportant. Our task is to make them so."

Cordy frowned at him. "How?"

"If she will not give our words heed because we fight with her, then we must fight against her."

"What did you say?" Angel did not believe he heard correctly.

Cordelia sounded just as doubtful. "Are you suggesting we threaten her into humming for us?"

"As well as answer some basic questions." In spite of his audience's obvious skepticism, Wesley continued on, "As the strongest and most imposing, Angel will provoke her until she capitulates, and as the most trusted, Connor will fight beside her while encouraging her to hum as means of defense. The amount of combined pressure from enemy and ally will hopefully raise the request to sufficient import for her to acquiesce."

Frowning, Angel scratched his head for a moment. "He'll never go along with it."

"He will if he cares for her and understands his role in this ruse as a means of helping her."

"Or he'll just ask her to test us for evil again." Cordelia sighed, "It's too bad she can't test for crazy too."

Angel's frown deepened.  
_


	9. Chapter 6: Before Answers

**Chapter 6: Before Answers**

After explaining their plan to Connor, Angel tensed expecting his son to punch him or run off.

"So she's like me." Connor became very still. "You said she was in another dimension for a while."

"She was, but that's diff-"

"She doesn't remember people who say they remember her."

"True, but again that's-"

"And she doesn't act like humans here do."

"Connor." Angel sighed. No one here could relate to his experiences, but somehow, his son found a way to relate to Buffy's.

"Do you think she was in Qour Toth?" Connor frowned.

Angel frowned too. "She doesn't look any older, so I want to say no, but because of the way she was brought back, she could be centuries older and we'd never know." Angel met his eyes. "If she was in Qour Toth, she'd have been there a lot longer."

"Alone."

Angel nodded.

"And this will help her?"

"I hope so."

Scowling, Connor nodded decisively and walked off.

Angel thought their conversation went well, but he still felt dread. She died closing a gateway between this dimension and every other. While her body lay suspended in the portal, her soul could have gone anywhere: Qour Toth, Pylea, Acathla's realm . . . so many possibilities with time moving slower in some and faster in others.

For him, five months lay between Buffy's death and resurrection, but for her?

He needed Wesley's plan to work. He needed to know what happened to her . . . and for how long.

* * *

"You guys hungry?"

Gunn and Fred came down to the lobby glancing back to make sure Buffy and Connor were still behind them.

Fred smiled her friendliest smile. "All your adventuring must have left you two famished. Besides we wouldn't be any kind of welcoming if we didn't feed you soon."

Gunn grinned. "I'm thinking Chinese."

Angel looked up from his conversation with Lorne. He looked over at Wesley pouring over his books.

"You should eat too."

Wesley's jaw dropped slightly. He barely managed a nod.

Gunn nodded too. He looked at Wes. "Calling is your job. We've lost all the menus and you always remember the entree numbers."

Sitting a bit straighter, Wes glanced around but saw only hospitable expressions. "Unforgettable things those entree numbers are." He placed a marker in his book and stood. "Alright. I'll just go place that order."

Cordy handed over the phone. "All yours." Then, her attention turned to the blood-stained clothes and even grimier hair on their guests. "How about you two take a shower first? The food will be here when you get out. We won't eat it all. Promise."

Connor nodded. "Where is the shower you want us to kill?"

Without fully processing the question, Cordy answered, "Upstairs."

He looked at Buffy. "We will return." With that Connor pulled out his dagger and began to creep up the stairs with Buffy trailing close behind.

The sight of them preparing to slay a shower brought the whole room to giggles.

Angel jogged up to them. "Connor, wait."

Connor paused and after a moment, Buffy did the same.

"A shower isn't something you kill. It's something you use to get clean."

"Clean."

Angel continued, "To take away the sweat and dirt."

Looking down at himself and Buffy, Connor added, "And blood."

"Yeah."

Connor put his dagger away and stood straight again.

"Cordy can you—"

She appeared at his side with an amused smile. "I'll take Buffy, you take Connor." Angel smiled at how the situation was resolving itself.

"Why can't we clean ourselves together? We can help each other."

Gunn and Fred almost choked on their laughter.

Angel did not share their amusement.

Before he could come up with an appropriate answer as to why it would be very bad for his son and his ex to shower together, he was saved by Cordy's simple response: "Showers are meant for one person at a time."

Shrugging, Connor continued up the stairs.

Angel mouthed a quick thank you to Cordelia before catching up with his son.

He led Connor into the first guest room which had a shower as Cordelia led Buffy to one further down the hall which had the soaps and things she used when she stayed here.

Angel showed Connor how to turn it on and adjust the temperature, but seeing the thoughtful expression on his face, he paused before explaining soap.

"She is so small. And we would both take less room without coverings and weapons. I don't under-"

Angel's eyes widened and he tersely replied, "Showers are meant for one."

Connor was still puzzling over the odd contraption when he heard Cordelia's shout, "We've got a runner!"

He sprinted past Angel to reach the hall almost colliding with her in the process.

Angel and Cordelia reached the pair a second later.

"I had her test the temperature while I grabbed the shampoo when she just took off."

Angel was mildly distracted by the sight of Connor comforting Buffy, soothing her. Rubbing her arms for a moment, Connor reached down for her hands.

Cordelia sighed. "You were never one for hygiene Buffy, but this is bad even for you."

Connor rubbed her left hand between his own. "She doesn't like cold," he murmured. Connor looked back to Angel before leading her back to Cordelia. "The rain in mine is already warm. She should go there. I will go to the cold one."

Angel could hear Cordelia mutter as they passed him, "Kills beasties on a nightly basis, but can't face a cold shower – least superman had a cool weakness."

By the time he turned to look at the way Connor had gone, Angel saw the door was already closed.

After leaving a change of clothes outside his door, Angel returned to lobby to find Cordelia comfortably seated behind the counter.

"I'm not gonnna lie, there's a 30-70 chance that we'll get a clean slayer or a slain shower."

"30-70 – that good huh?"

Gunn came closer to the rest of the group. "My money's on busted pipes."

Smirking, Angel confessed, "Mine too."

Fred chirped, "Maybe when the pipes burst she'll get clean anyways."

Wesley took a moment to consider the matter. "It's possible."

A little while later, Connor came bounding down the stairs wearing clean clothes and eyeing the recently delivered food hungrily.

However, instead of digging in, he took a seat on the center couch and patiently waited.

Concerned by his behavior, Wesley indicated the cartons on the counter, "Connor, there's a great deal here."

Fred lifted up her fully loaded plate. "Come join us."

Continuing to stare at the stair case, he barely spared Wes a glance. "She is not here."

"She'll be down any minute, no need to stay hungry."

Connor frowned at the empty staircase.

Cordelia jumped in, "Don't worry about her. Girls just take longer than boys to shower and dress."

Connor glanced at her. "Why?"

Fred touched her head. "More hair."

Looking at the girls' heads, he nodded.

Cordelia walked over to hand him a carton of noodles. "Now eat."

Connor took the carton but instead of eating it, he placed it gently on the floor. "I eat with her."

Hearing the determination in his voice, they quit their prodding.

Connor knew they did not know what they were asking him. Eating before her was the same as eating her share.

His friend kept lookout while he slept and sharpened tools while he ate, but when he met her, she put off her own rets and meals for days at a time.

He'd started putting off rests until she rested first; if she didn't eat, he wouldn't either. It seemed to be working. When she noticed him weakening, she slept and ate much more as a way of making him do the same.

He would not take even a sip of water without her sipping first. This was their way now.

So he waited.

He sensed movement and turned and froze.

Barefoot and clean, Buffy descended the stairs to stand before him.

He thought her lips smiled, but he couldn't be sure. With his friend glowing before him, he couldn't be sure of anything. He reached up hesitantly to feel her damp hair between his fingers. It felt smooth and sparkled in the light.

She ran her hand through his damp hair and sat down beside him. He leaned closer to nuzzle her neck, enjoying the new clean scent of her. Running her hands over his new softly covered arms, she too began acquainting herself with his new scent.

During their exchange the others looked on with varied amounts of amusement, shock and confusion. Angel especially had trouble processing the sight. He couldn't deny that cleanliness transformed the pair. They looked young and unblemished: innocent. Their actions matched their appearance. Their nuzzles were those of children rather than lovers. They were genuinely curious about the new scents and sights before them.

While their raw innocence awed him, their familiarity with each other tugged at his heart. Angel couldn't understand what they were to each other and yheir closeness emphasized his own distance from them.

To a lesser degree the others shared his reactions. These two beings were beautiful and entirely separate from them. Their thoughts and feelings were their own and their connection was as palpable as it was private.

Buffy pulled back when she realized how far away Connor sat from the food. Standing up, she took him by the hand and led him to the food covered counter. Lifting herself onto it, she sat and began selecting particular containers for him which he took eagerly and ate at her feet.

With a smile, Gunn whispered, "Angel, your boy is whipped."

Overhearing the comment, Cordelia muttered, "Like father like son." The three shared a smile and returned to their meal.

The dinner conversation took a moment to resume, but when it did, the atmosphere seemed homier. Seeing the two of them share affection reminded the group that they were more than coworkers; they were a family.


	10. Chapter 7: Connor

**Chapter 7: Connor**

On his way towards his own room, Angel passed hers - well, theirs. Angel won the shower argument, but Connor wouldn't believe that beds weren't meant to be shared.

While Buffy sharpened their blades, Connor braided her hair in intricate designs.

Cordelia came behind him in the doorway. "Her hair is soaking wet again."

"She made peace with the shower." With his sensitive ears, Angel heard the pipes earlier.

Without taking his eyes off his task, Connor explained, "It burns her and wrinkles her, but she likes it."

"Vain and hygiene-crazed - it's good to see her getting in touch with her inner girl."

The comment didn't makes Angel smile. The girl before him was many leagues from the Buffy he knew. On a surface level, her nails were cracked and rough; her skin scraped and calloused, but on a deeper level, she seemed faded, like a warrior without purpose or a child without play. Her love of warm water emphasized how little she enjoyed nowadays. She used to mind dirt and slaying. Now, she just minded the cold.

Realizing how much she'd lost, his insides spasmed. He had to walk away.

* * *

Laying on the bed in her lap, Connor didn't know what to feel. His father was dead, but his friend was here. His friend was here and fed and warm and he'd – he'd never had a friend before.

"This feels nice- right."

She didn't reply.

He rolled over to look up into her eyes. "Could we stay here?"

She whispered hoarsely, "This bed? or this place?"

"With these people." Maybe she'd been to Qour Toth but this is where she belonged. This place made her hair shine.

Her fingers ran down his face. "This is your home." He closed his eyes to doze.

He hadn't lied to the man with glasses when he said she didn't walk to him. Before tonight, she hadn't. They didn't need words to understand each other, but he reached for them now. He reached because he felt warm and smooth, full and safe. He hoped she'd respond because she was those things too. Here in this room, they could hide from fear. He wanted to hide forever. Without asking, he knew she agreed. He didn't need words for that.

* * *

Connor walked down the stairs to the basement leading a tentative Buffy behind him.

Angel stepped out of the shadows with staffs in hand.

Scanning the dark room, Connor asked, "Where is it? It should be here."

Wesley looked up from his notes. "What are you looking for?"

"The green monster. If she hums, he will hear her answers."

The door at the top of the stairs opened again and Lorne called, "I'll hear em' just fine from up here kiddo - far away from the violence."

Connor frowned.

Angel did not hand him a staff. He wielded them both and swung them dangerously.

He stalked Connor.

Wesley whispered, "Hum."

Connor hummed just as Angel swung at him. Immediately, he pulled his staff back turning his attention to Buffy.

They moved in a circle. He could tell she was reading his body trying to discern his intention. Being this close to Buffy made it was hard to remember his intention. Despite their plan, their goal, he just wanted to hug her. His body looked as indecisive as he felt.

Wesley commented, "You will have to strike her at some point."

Growling, he threw down his weapons and kicked his long leg. She ducked the blow but just as quickly converted her duck to a lunge at his midsection. They fell to the ground, but she rolled forward into a summersault recovering first. With her foot on his neck, she stood above him with a triumphant gleam in her eyes.

She looked so much like her old self again.

He grabbed her ankle and used his legs to spin himself around and unbalance her. He didn't let her fall, though. Instead, in a move much like the one she executed earlier, he charged throwing her in the piles of storage.

He then turned his attentions back to Connor. As soon as he moved to strike, he heard Connor hum and desisted. To make the circumstance clearer, he approached and again tried to strike, but upon hearing the music he relented - just in time too because Buffy had been crawling across the floor like a cat.

He didn't notice how close she was until he felt two sets up fingernails at the back of his knees. She climbed him like feline and moved to blind him just as viciously.

He pulled her hands off in time and tried swinging her off. She held on.

He stepped quickly back heading for a wall. Discerning his intentions, she lithely climbed up higher and actually used is shoulders to jump forward. She tumbled forth and landed up in fighting position while he ended up throwing his whole body weight into a concrete wall, and without her there, he lacked a buffer.

She observed him carefully as if she thought the fight might over but wasn't willing to let her guard down.

Angel straightened. "Buffy, we've just begun to fight."

Standing by her side, Connor noticed the moment she tensed.

Wesley did too. If she had understood the words, Wes bet she wouldn't understand another word for quite some time. By the looks of Angel's posture, he planned to destroy her sense of safety.

A second later, he sprung towards them in vampiric face. Before Connor could hum, he felt her push him out of the way. Actually, she pushed off him which propelled him back at the same time it propelled her towards their attacker. With her side facing forward, she held her arm out and elbowed Angel across the neck.

Despite his best efforts, Angel crumpled a bit. He recovered quickly, but not in time to avoid a knee to the face. As the fight continued, Connor's guilt over the plan faded behind a growing confidence.

He would never admit it to him, but Angel made him nervous. Watching Buffy keep him at bay proved that Angel wasn't as strong as Connor feared. He could be beat. His friend could beat him. She could beat anything.

Connor hummed with joy in his heart and never saw Lorne frown.

Eventually, Wesley called an end to the exercise. Gunn called down. "If you've had enough torturing the guest, we've got pizza."

Fred added, "And blood."

Connor frowned at Angel. "Your humans eat blood?"

Fred squealed, "Ew."

Angel answered, "They really don't."

Connor and Buffy left the basement for food while the others pow-wowed.

Lorne sighed. "Was it just me or did she not pick up the humming connection?"

Shaking his head, Wesley agreed, "She expressed no curiosity as to why you stop attacking Connor."

"I approach him, she goes on the on the offensive every time." Recalling the scene, Angel concluded, "She doesn't care how he defends himself. As long as he's out of danger, she's content."

Lorne shrugged, "What now?"

Wesley looked down at his notes. "We try again."

Angel dropped his shoulders. "This isn't the only thing we have to work on."

Lorne looked at the ground. "Holtz."

"He needs closure." Angel moved to return to the staffs to the wall. "He needs answers just like I do, but his needs come first."

Wesley put down his notebook. "What do we know?"


	11. Chapter 8: Warmth

**Apologies for the great delay between this chapter and the one before it. Your continued reviews brought me back. I started this story intending to finish it quickly. It may take more time than I anticipated, but I still intend to finish this. Thank you for your patience. I'm already working on Chapter 9 so the next chapter should be coming in the next week or so.**

* * *

**Chapter 8: Warmth**

In the garden, Connor leaned against his friend. Back to back, eyes closed, they sat on the ground waiting. Sound around them faded to a hum. Slowly, their skin absorbed the sun's warmth.

Light in Quor Toth was just as dangerous as its shadows. Everything about in place tried to kill him and his father. In this world, though, light in the sky warmed instead of boiled.

Buffy lead him outside to this walled garden, and this quiet time with her made him realize why. Their bodies were still but they were not hiding from anything. They heard people moving, but their movements and voices were not those of battle.

In these moments, in this place, he and his could heal and strengthen. They could become whole.

"Your boy has been out there three days." Gunn stared at the pair through glass doors. "I've never seen anyone sit like —they barely look like they're breathing."

"They're breathing."

Gunn looked back at Angel. "Gonna have to trust ya' on that one."

Wesley walked in the room with another map. "It is not uncommon for slayers to meditate for long periods of time."

"That's what they're doing?"

Fred leaned closer to the glass. "I've never seen anyone meditate so long."

"Does this mean she remembers she's a slayer?"

"It means she feels power in her blood and knows she must manage it." Wesley looked at the pair outside. "She doesn't need memory for that."

Fred frowned. "Shouldn't we bring them food or something?"

Angel didn't look up from the map Wesley brought. "They'll eat when they're done."

"And when will that be?"

The map blurred before Angel. He blinked slowly and finally looked up. He turned towards Connor and Buffy. "When he's ready to grieve."

* * *

"Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Connor didn't look at him. "My father wanted me to hate you more than he wanted to live."

Angel stared intensely at his son. "You can hate me for murdering his family as well as countless others, but you can't hate me for this." Everything about his tone was pleading.

"Did you kill her?"

"The woman who stabbed Holtz also loved him." He swallowed thickly. "Justine helped take you away from me, but she is not a monster."

"Because she's human?"

"No." Angel looked away. "Because she loved him and wishes she hadn't done what he'd asked." He stared at the ground. "Do you want to see her?"

Connor's voice flatly observed, "You don't want me to."

"I want to give you what you need."

Connor gaze darted across the floor. "Where is she?"

"An apartment not far from here."

"No, where's Buffy?"

Angel nodded, "Upstairs."

Connor stood.

"Whatever it is, I can help."

Connor walked away without reply.

"Connor, you're not alone."

* * *

Connor slowly walked back to his room. His whole body ached and his feet felt heavy as he forced them up stairs. By the time he reached the stop of the staircase, he'd forgotten to breathe regularly. His final steps to his room felt unsteady. The edges of his vision darkened.

Pushing open the door, he saw her. The world spun, but she remained still. He sat down beside her while she sharpened a long knife with a stone. Her movements produced a rhythmic sound as the stone moved up the blade again and again and again. Connor lay his back down on the bed, closed his eyes, and focused on the sounds.

Her braided hair nearly reached the covers. Lifting his hand, he touched the tail of her braid and drew his fingers through the strands. He stroked her soft hair with his thumb in time with her strokes of the stone against the blade.

His breathing evened and his aches subsided. As long he touched her, he didn't feel so dizzy. Eventually, the sounds stopped, so his hand stopped. He felt the bed shift as she lay down beside him.

He kept his eyes closed and breathed deep. Shoulder to shoulder with him, she reached for his hand intertwining her fingers with his. He squeezed her hand hard, but she didn't pull away; instead, she squeezed right back. A tear slipped down the side of his face. He closed his eyes tighter and more tears followed.

Together, they lay still.

* * *

Wesley walked past Angel's office. "Will a few months break from our sessions be adequate do you think?"

Angel stared at his desk. "Right now, my son depends on someone who may not be stable. I won't know if the bond between them is safe until we have an idea of where she's been and how she thinks."

Wesley frowned, "You think she'll harm him?"

"Harming others on account of him would damage them both . . . maybe . . . irreversibly."

Wesley considered him.

Feeling his scrutiny, Angel met his gaze. "I envy their closeness, but continuing the sessions is not about punishment. I just need to know they're safe – from each other if necessary." When Wes didn't reply, Angel returned to gazing at his desk. "I'm not asking you to agree with me. You can help or leave."

* * *

"You may need to fight him." Wesley looked at Connor who nodded subtly.

Angel shifted his weight on his feet.

Wesley glanced at him. "We're still investigating other options – trying to locate mind readers who need only touch or an object of hers. Until we find an alternative, this is all we have and we need her to take it seriously, to defend herself with urgency and creativity. Even if she doesn't hum for us, she may be able to listen and respond if she genuinely fears her attacker."

Connor looked at him blankly. "But she doesn't fear."

In a casual tone, Wes answered. "If that's true, we have a problem."

Angel looked at Connor. "I won't hurt you. I'll be careful."

"Will you hurt her?" Connor raised his voice slightly while Angel lowered his.

"I don't want to, but if it will help her, I will."

Connor walked away presumably in search of Buffy.

Wesley watched him go, "He does not seem inclined to cooperate further."

"Then we'll ask him to leave the room. He doesn't need to see her afraid. I'd actually prefer he didn't."

Wes nodded. "Her perceived strength and stability is what keeps him calm in this new world."

"Holtz is gone, but Connor isn't alone here. He'll have to rely on the others here to be strong for him."

Wesley adjusted his glassed. "Buffy may be dangerous, but she is the only one he trusts unconditionally. We'd be wise to proceed carefully."

"We'll lock the door to our sessions."

Lorne leaned over the banister above them. "I for one am rooting for ginger snap snap to kick your ass."

Angel raised his eyes and lowered his voice. "If she makes so much as a whistle, be ready."

"Oh sugar, I'll be there listening to _everyone_ in that room. I agreed for her sake. One whistle from you that doesn't ring genuine and I'm outta there."

The air in the room felt different than times before. It felt still, cold and coarse. The darkness of the room put her at a disadvantage. Connor was absent. Lorne and Wesley sat at the top of the stairs both to guard the door and stay out of the fray. Although she didn't see Connor, she stayed. When they turned off the lights, she stayed, and after Angel attacked her, she stayed.

From the top of the stairs, the two men listened to the scuffle. They heard blows; someone got hold of a hard object that gave a "thwack" sound when it made contact. Low grunts, small gasps, and then a shout. Angel cried out; all fight-sounds ceased. Wesley hastened to turn on a light.

Angel lay on the floor with eyes closed. Buffy sat crouched a few feet away looking disinterested.

Wesley kneeled over Angel. "She didn't stake him or decapitate him, so he should come to shortly."

"I'm not hurt."

"Angel-cakes, you're not upright either."

A knock sounded from upstairs.

"You can unlock the door Lorne."

Buffy did not straighten until she heard the door open at which point she stood and walked out.

Gunn came down and took in the scene. "I guess slayer strength is no joke."

"She touched me."

"We can see that big guy."

"She did something . . ."

Wesley kept his voice low and calm. "Angel, what happened when she touched you?"

"I felt . . ."

Angel opened his eyes slowly. "Love."

Gunn coughed. "She touch you where?"

Tentatively, Angel brought his hand over his heart. He looked at Wesley. "It wasn't happiness. It was more."

Wesley whispered, "And your soul?"

"I—"He closed his eyes again. "I don't know."


	12. Chapter 9: No Quarter

Chapter 9: No Quarter

"What do you mean he's not sure? Either he got soul-losing happy or he didn't."

"Cordelia, we have him contained. At this point, there's nothing we can do but wait."

Fred leaned her head against Gunn. "So Angel could lose his soul for helping a friend?"

"All I know is that our present circumstance is proof the plan is working. When Buffy died, her soul had every dimension open to it. Her capabilities have obviously grown in unexpected ways. It's better we discover them in a controlled setting rather than be surprised by them later."

Gunn put his hands in his pockets. "Hitting her till she uses her super powers sounds more reckless than strategic."

"Unfortunately, we don't have a better way. The only psychics we've located that read by touch are not well-intentioned. We don't know if they'd tell us the truth but we do know Buffy wouldn't let them anywhere near her. Besides even if we drugged her into cooperation-"

Fred gasped.

"-these mind readers can read current thoughts, current emotions, we've yet to locate demon or human that can access her memories."

Gunn wrapped an arm around Fred. "Where is she now?"

"Connor wanted to go hunting. She followed him out."

Cordelia chuckled and threw up her hands. "That's great. Let the super slayer patrol unsupervised. That'll end well."

Fred glanced at Wes. "The things she's capable of don't seem bad."

Gunn nodded. "Angel is the only one we know of who can't handle the ya-yas. Everyone else should be just fine."

Lorne entered the room with drink in hand. "She senses evil and loves people. I'm guessin' where she's been - it wasn't bad."

He met Lorne's eyes. "You didn't know her before." Wesley looked aimlessly around the room. "She used to be more than a warrior. Maybe that place took something from her. Maybe the spell didn't bring all of her back. She deserves more than the life she's living, but we won't know how to help until we understand what happened to her."

Cordelia sighed. "We haven't been in Sunnydale in years. People change. We can't really say what she was like before she died."

Wesley looked her right in the eye. "Tell me you think she's alright."

Cordelia's lips tightened. "Why haven't we called Giles?"

Wes scowled. "What makes you think I haven't? Mr. Giles has his hands full at the moment. Apparently, Ms. Rosenberg's foray into black magic wasn't without consequences."

"What does that _mean_?"

"It means we're all Buffy has right now. The fact you haven't received any visions lately suggests the Powers support our current priorities."

Gunn stared at the floor. "All this fallout probably means she wasn't mean to come back."

They all remained silent a moment.

Wesley straightened. "But she is and after all she's done for others, we can't turn our backs on her. If Angel loses his soul, we'll put it back in him and try again."

Lorne sighed. "Well then, who wants to go and check on the boss-man?"

Cordelia raised her chin. "I'm the only one here who met Angelus. I'll do it."

Wesley nodded and followed her downstairs.

* * *

In the basement, Wesley and Cordelia took seat across from a chain-covered Angel.

"Please don't."

Wesley stayed a safe distance away. "Don't what, Angel?"

"Don't tell me to stop."

Cordelia scowled, "You can't help anyone if you don't have a conscience anymore – you really can't help your son. Remember him? The kid who barely trusts any of us and wil definitely try to kill you if you turn."

Angel didn't reply. He didn't look at them either.

Wesley prodded. "Angel?"

"I found them." He sounded amazed. "I found both of them, but I'm still not a part of their lives."

"And you think if you help restore Buffy to her former self, they'll both accept you."

Cordelia sighed. "For an immortal being, you're really bad at losing people." She tilted her head to meet Angel's gaze. "You miss them, we get it, but that doesn't make it okay to act stupid."

"Now that I know what I'm fighting against, I can defend myself. She won't get near my heart."

"You're fooling yourself." Cordelia stood. "And when you lose your soul, they're gonna be the first ones Angelus guts." She turned and left the basement.

Wesley waited until the basement door closed behind her. "I don't know how you can protect yourself from this. We're not even sure that it's where she touches you that matters. If she touches your arm, she might be capable to causing the same emotional sensation."

Nodding, Angel shifted in his chains. "And it only takes a second for me to feel it."

Wesley leaned forward. "We'll have to figure something out before the next session. We might have been lucky this time or this sensation might not be a trigger for your curse. As a precaution, though, I'll gather the necessaries for re-cursing you." He started to stand. "Hopefully, it won't come to that."

Angel watched him as he removed his chains one by one. Although free, Angel didn't move.

Wesley returned the chains and locks to a trunk by the wall. He turned around and realized Angel hadn't moved at all. "There's something else."

Angel looked down at his hands. "She really has no idea who I am; otherwise, she wouldn't have tried that on me."

"You though she was ignoring you on purpose?"

He smirked slightly. "I kinda hoped."

Wesley looked at the ground.

"This is real though. She doesn't remember me or us or her life before. It's like she's still gone."

"We won't stop until we find a way to help her."

Angel looked up at him anxiously.

* * *

The next session ended abruptly when she pinned him down face first and touched his back . . . above his heart.

This time felt different than the last; it felt more. He cried out and Wesley and Lorne rushed to his side. They tried pulling her off but she wouldn't budge. For a whole minute she filled Angel with concentrated love: love from people, for people – he felt too small to hold it all. It overwhelmed him.

When she released him this time, he really had passed out.

Once again the team bundled him in chains and waited to see which version of him would wake.

"Why won't she kill you?"

Angel rolled with his chains to see Connor sitting on the basement steps.

His son continued, "She's better at fighting."

He didn't deny it.

"But instead of defeating you, she touches you in a way that doesn't mark."

Angel groaned. "I've got marks. Trust me."

"How many times must you threaten her before she kills you?"

He closed his eyes. "Guess we'll find out."

Connor remained quiet a moment. "Killing you will not help her." Connor frowned. "You should fight better." With that, Connor stood and walked out leaving Angel alone in the basement.

Closing his eyes, Angel smiled slightly.

He heard the stairs creak again.

"Does your good cheer mean Angelus is with us?"

At Wesley's questions, Angel shook his head. "Connor doesn't want me dead."

"Congratulations."

He opened his eye. "Thanks."

"Neither of us thought this plan would be easy."

He jiggled his chains. "It certainly has its complications."

Wesley brought him a mug of blood. "She's still not seeing you as a threat."

Angel managed to take a sip from the mug. "Why would she? The way she fights now - I'm lucky she hasn't ripped off my head with her bare hands."

Wesley tilted the cup towards him again. "She thinks she can control you. Can she?"

"What do you expect me to do Wes?"

"If she believes her life is in danger, she will focus on you – everything you do and say. She'll listen to you." Wesley put the cup down. "When you fight, treat her like an enemy. No quarter, no mercy."

"Do you know what you're saying?"

"You've done it before."

"Not by choice."

Wesley looked at his watch. "Last time it was in your best interest; this time it's in hers." He sat on a nearby trunk and leaned back against the wall. "If you can't do it, then maybe we need Angelus after all."


	13. Chapter 10: The End of Mercy

**Chapter 10: The End of Mercy**

Angel looked up into vacant eyes. "Damn it, fight!"

Once again she was in a position to kill him, but one touch of his chest, one look in his eyes and she stepped back.

It'd been like this for forty minutes. He came at her with everything he had, and she refused to see him as a threat. She'd sense what she needed to sense but he couldn't sense anything -no fear or recognition, not even fatigue!

He screamed in frustration and swiped his legs under hers. She fell –hard. With one kick backwards, though, she knocked him out.

It was so sudden, Lorne and Wesley sat in shock as Buffy strolled past them up the stairs and left the basement. The snap and crunch sound came for her breaking the lock. Apparently, she'd lost interest in this exercise.

Angel stirred. He heard her steps on the floor above and followed. Seeing what he held in his hands, Wesley and Lorne scurried after him. They reached him in time to see him throw the piece wood he'd stripped from the baseboard. It was thrown with enough force to pierce her shoulder blade.

She fell to her knees. Angel closed in. Buffy stretched and pulled out the crude stake. She spun around just in time to stab the back of his calf with it. He crumpled on top of her intentionally landing on her wound shoulder.

She cried out and tried to push him off her.

By now, the whole hotel was watching the exchange. Connor stood at the top of the staircase as Gunn and Cordelia kept hands on his shoulders –prepared to hold him back when he lunged forward.

He forced himself not to shout at the sight of her blood. She needed him now; she needed him to be strong. If the others were right, she would want to be the person they remember; she would want them to help her. He had to let them help her - even if it meant . . . .

Feeling her touch his chest again, Angel stuck her face.

She pushed harder, and Angel felt everything about him lighten. He forced her hands away from him and held them against her stomach. Feeling her body quiver, he morphed his face. His body quivered too but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore but this. He fisted his hand in her hair yanking her head to the side. Blood from her wound already smeared the floor and flooded his senses. He increased his pressure on her hands and hair while he brought his teeth to her throat.

Hearing her whimper, he tightened his hold. His teeth broke skin at the same time she screamed. The scream echoed through the lobby as he fed. She struggled under him, but his weight kept her in place. He felt her hands fist in his shirt and then release it. Her whole body began to relax and finally, still.

A long moment later, he raised his head. Her eyes were open but she wasn't conscious. He'd only taken a few pulls of blood, but his stomach felt overly full. He wanted to throw up every last drop of what he'd taken.

If it was possible, she looked more vulnerable than the last time he'd drank from her. Instead of make-up and leather, the girl beneath him wore sweat and torn hand-me downs. She looked younger and purer than ever - which made the bruised jaw and bloodied neck even more horrifying.

His hand unclenched from her hair. He carefully tried to pat it back into place. It was no use. He'd forced himself on her in front of others, in front of friends. He'd never felt so ashamed.

Slowly, he sat up.

Wesley approached and crouched down. He placed his fingers to the uninjured side of her neck and used his watch to measure her pulse.

In a neutral tone, Connor's voice carried across the room. "Did he kill her?"

"No." Wesley sighed, "but she needs to rest."

The only sound in the lobby was Connor footsteps as he crossed the room. . . . Steady, measured steps.

Angel stepped back from her and Connor bent down on one knee. Carefully, he put one arm under her neck, the other under her knees, and stood up. Her head lolled against his shoulder. As his hand moved from her neck to her back, he felt her blood drip on his arm.

His expression didn't change but his breathing grew labored. Without looking at anyone, he carried Buffy across the lobby, up the stairs, and down the hall.

For a long time, no one said anything. No one moved. They just silently tried to process what they'd witnessed . . . and what they'd condoned.

* * *

While Connor picked dried guts off a machete, Buffy scrubbed blood off small blades. They sat close on the counter, giving each other meaningful glances - communicating without words about their surroundings. Buffy followed Angles movements whenever he moved through the lobby. She seemed neither frightened, nor angry - just alert.

"You do realize she's been watching you all afternoon."

Angel didn't look at Wes. "Yes."

"Have you spoken with her?"

"No"

"Do you plan to?"

"Not yet."

* * *

Something was bothering her; Connor could tell. She had practically stalked Angel for the past three days – always keeping a safe distance but never out of hearing range. Of course, Connor was the only one who realized she was listening. Everyone else thought she was plotting an attack, but the way her brows crinkled and her lips pursed when he spoke, she looked like she was puzzling something . . . everything Angel said seemed to confuse her. He wondered if she remembered him.

People here seemed to know her, but she'd never given any sign that she recognized them. He thought she might ask about Angel after the fight, but she didn't. She didn't ask anything. All she said was that she was alright. He'd frown at her injuries and she'd pet his head and tell him she was alright. He wondered if she'd be alright if she and Angel spoke – or if it would change things for the worse. He wondered if the sacrifice was worth it – for anyone.

A soft tap brought him out his musings. He knew that tap. Buffy planned to do something dangerous and wanted his assistance. Seeing only Gunn and Fred laughing and Angel taking the wraps off his knuckles, Connor expected to see Buffy looking up – stalking some prey she'd heard in the upper levels of the hotel or maybe outside by the windows. But he saw Buffy's gaze directed at Angel. She planned either to sense him or attack him and expected Connor to back her up. Not knowing her intentions, he decided to hang back. If she intended to kill the vampire, Buffy's approach would give her away so he could stop her in time. If she planned on sensing him, she would be able to get a read on Angel without his interference. While he had seen Angel bite her, Connor believed Buffy was still the stronger of the two.

Buffy's first move left her motives ambiguous. Surprising both Angel and the others, she snuck up behind Angel and slammed him against the closest wall making him drop the wraps in his hands. Instead of retaliating or defending himself, Angel simply waited. She didn't move her hand to his chest, but she didn't reach for her stake either. She just stood there holding him against the wall scanning his face. Finally she met his eyes, "You . . . you're. . . . but—" She didn't seem to know what to say or do. After grappling with her thoughts a moment, she glanced to the side and called out, "Gunn!"

Surprised she'd spoken to him -even more surprised she knew his name, Gunn didn't hesitate before approaching. "What ya need?"

Without looking at him, she commanded, "Hold him."

Gunn looked confused.

Angel nodded. "Do it."

She roughly turned Angel around so his face was to the wall. He didn't protest, but she put Gunn's arms on him anyways. "Stay." As she lowered her hands to his shirts hem, she mumbled, "I need to see."

It took two centuries of self-control for Angel not to move when her fingers graced his skin. While he didn't turn around or grab her hand, he couldn't keep himself from trembling a bit as her warm hands traveled upward. She slowly slid her hands up his back pulling his white tank up as she went. She continued until the hem reached his neck leaving his griffin tattoo in full view. More than anything he wanted to look into her eyes. He wanted to see recognition there; he wanted to see Buffy. Instead, he remained still as she traced the image.

He turned around just as slowly as she backed away hand still raised. By this time Gunn had released him and returned to Fred's side as Connor stepped up to Buffy's. She didn't say anything more but continued frowning. Angel remained by the wall just watching her.

Connor couldn't make sense of her reaction. For a supposed reunion, it didn't appear personal to her just confusing. Sure enough, after a moment she broke eye contact and cleared her expression. Disengaging from the situation, she focused her attention back on Connor. Wishing they were alone so they could talk, he settled for holding her hand. A gentle squeeze and slight nod were all the reassurances she spared before returning to her perch on the counter like the past moment never happened.

Gunn and Fred silently excused themselves. Nothing changed for a while but after some time past, she looked at Connor and whispered, "I just needed to see."


	14. Chapter 11: In Peace

**Chapter 11: In Peace**

That night, Buffy and Connor went out hunting. The AI team was not surprised when they did not return for two days. By then, the team had learned the two hunters were used to independence. They stayed, ate, slept, left and hunted when they liked for as long as they liked. As long as those two were together, they'd be safe and as long as Angel believed they'd return, the team wouldn't worry.

Late during the night, the two quietly made their way to their room. They neither saw nor heard anyone in the hotel. Buffy helped Connor on to the bed and set about cleaning and bandaging his wounds. It took a while for his wounds were many. After tending to him, Buffy sat with him until he fell asleep.

The cut in her side bled and throbbed, but she ignored it until she felt Connors hand slacken in hers. With utmost care she extricated herself from his side and crept out to the staircase to see how deep and wide the puncture was. Under the bright lobby lights, she frowned at what she saw.

* * *

Angel could smell her blood from his room. Without making a sound, he stepped into the hallway and followed the foreboding scent. He found her twisting and grimacing as she looked at her wound. She was so distracted by her task, she didn't sense herself being watched.

When he sat down next to her, she startled and looked at him with wide eyes. Immediately, she began re-positioning her shirt but Angel put his hand over hers. "Let me help."

He picked up a wet cloth from her small pile of supplies. She did not move as he pushed her shirt back up and dabbed at the deep gash. There wasn't a great deal of blood and that worried him. The bleeding was happening inside. He bandaged the wound in silence wondering if he should force her to a hospital. No version of Buffy would go there willingly, but he didn't like the purpling under her skin.

As he carefully put her shirt back in place, Buffy reached down to hold his hand. Her other hand hovered in the air before moving to lightly trace his face.

"He was so beautiful . . . face of an angel." She smiled at her words.

Closing his eyes, be breathed like he was in pain. "Buffy."

When he opened his eyes, he was met with a watery gaze.

"It's good to see him again, even like this. Remembering hurts."

He grasped her hand in his grateful when she didn't pull away. "Buffy, do you know who I am?"

Caressing his face, she smiled. "You are the prettiest illusion I've ever seen."

He squeezed her hand and stared intently into her eyes. "It's me. Angel. I'm right here."

When he saw her tilt her head to the side, he felt hope.

"He was, wasn't he?" Her smile faded and her voice sounded more distant. "He was here because of me."

Filling with hope, he squeezed her hands with both of his. "Yes, before you were called as a slayer, you lived in LA with your parents and I saw you. I saw you and I loved you."

She frowned and looked closed to tears again. "But he left long ago, and he won't come back."

She tried to pull her hand back but he held on tighter. "But I did come back, remember? I left you and Sunnydale and I came here. Now you're here too. We're both real and we're both here. Buffy. . ."

She lowered her voice so it was no more than a wisp of a whisper. "You helped me remember, but now you want me to forget."

"Forget what?" His eyes desperately scanned her features for clues.

"He's gone."

Every muscle tensed with anxiety. "I'm right here."

"I can't forget, but for now . . ." Her lips touched his and his hands relaxed over hers automatically. Her soft lips stole his desperation. Her hands caressed his face and he felt utterly calm. It was going to be okay. Her lips left his. "Good bye beautiful angel." He reached out for her, but she was already standing.

He opened his eyes to see her walking back to her room. He sighed. "Goodnight Buffy."

* * *

The sky lightened almost imperceptibly as Buffy opened door to the balcony. Hearing the creak, Connor opened his eyes and followed her shadow.

He walked out and found her leaning on the railing with a bag hanging from her shoulder.

"You're leaving."

Her gaze fell from the horizon to the garden below.

"I'll go with you." Placing his hand on her arm he angled his body to meet her eyes. "Wait for me?"

She didn't reply.

"You're leaving without me."

Her eyes softened. "I'm going to keep going until I can't find my way back even if I want to -especially then."

"You don't like this place and you don't like me anymore." His shoulders slumped.

She reached for his hand and held it loosely. "I like it here, but if I stay longer, I won't be able to remember where I've come from. This place is taking my memories."

He began rubbing his thumb over her hand. "Mine too. Some days this world feels more real to me than the other one." When she didn't say anything he whispered, "Is that wrong?"

She leaned into him resting her face against his shoulder. "I don't know, but I do know that people here care about you."

Enjoying the loose embrace, he whispered, "They care for you too."

Leaning back, she nodded with a trembling smile.

"I want to come with you."

"No." She looked back at their room. "You have a chance at peace here."

He shook his head. "Not without you."

"I'm just one reason you should leave." She looked at him and stepped back and sighed. "In there are all the reasons you should stay."

His silence told her she wasn't wrong. The people here had come to mean something to him. With her thumb, she rubbed away the furrows in his brow.

"Where will you go?"

Use her fingers to brush out his growing hair. "No matter how far away I go, my love will always be with you."

His throat tightened preventing him from replying. His patted down his hair, his shirt, and caressed his arms. After several moments, she stepped back. He stepped forward and embraced her. His arms held on with desperation while hers offered gentle comfort. His throat hurt, his face hurt, his stomach hurt, but she felt relaxed and when he finally let go, she looked at peace.

She gracefully jumped over the railing to the garden below and silently disappeared into the rising day.

He stared at the gate she walked through. He stared a long time in perfect stillness knowing that when he moved again, his life would be changed.

* * *

Confused by their last interaction, Angel had stayed up all night pondering. He planned on talking to her early this morning about what she remembered, so when Connor entered the kitchen alone, he felt disappointed. He look in the bruises and cuts on his son's face and arms.

"Were you two fighting many monsters or one big one?"

Connor stared at the coffee pot. "Both."

Angel watched him stare. "Do you want to try coffee again?"

Connor poured himself a cup of the hot liquid and joined him at the table.

"How is Buffy's injury?"

Connor just nodded.

"Cordelia should have some medicine to help with the pain from you wounds. When she comes in, I'll ask her."

With his hands around the cup, Connor watched the steam rise from the black liquid. It was hot now, but it wouldn't stay that way. Where did the warmth go? Watching the steam rise and disappear, he knew he had to let it. No matter how much he wanted it to stay, he couldn't make it stay.

"Connor?" Realizing that Angel had been calling his name a few times, he sat straight in his chair and shook himself alert.

"Buffy left this morning."

"Is she okay? Should we look for her?"

"She said she was going very far away."

Angel became very still. "Did she – was she pale? Her breathing, did you notice – was her side – Connor, when did she say she's coming back?"

Connor looked at him sadly. "I checked her wound while she slept. She is healing quickly."

Angel scanned every aspect of his son's facial expression. "She's not coming back."

Connor gazed at the coffee before him and shook his head.

Together Angel and Connor sat in silence. Angel sifting through every detail of his conversation last night and Connor staring into his mug watching the steam drift away taking the warmth with it.

When the others came into the office, neither Angel nor Connor told them about her departure. The team didn't notice her absence until late in the day. After hearing that she'd gone, the team was stunned Connor hadn't left with her. None dared question him about it for fear he'd realize what he'd given up and run off. But he didn't. Day in a day out he woke up alone, fought with them, ate with them, and slept in the hotel. He didn't argue or blame anyone. He lived with them in peace.


	15. Chapter 12: Changed Life

**Chapter 12: Changed Life**

The men congregated in the lobby while Cordelia assessed their injuries.

Gunn rubbed the welt his forehead. "Man them bastards were strong. Did you see how they threw that dumpster? Like it was just a can in the street."

Moving towards the couch, Connor added, "Don't forget the truck."

Gunn smiled. "That was kinda awesome."

Wesley joined Connor on the couch nursing his own head injury. "Least their strength and strategies were disproportionate."

Gunn chuckled. "They got all kinds of panicked when you came on em' from the roof."

Angel leaned against the counter his accelerated healing powers guaranteeing him the last slot in the bandage line. He noticed Connor fidget as Cordelia approached him. She started cleaning one of his abdominal cuts and the boy flinched.

Angel frowned. The first time he witnessed Buffy tending to his son, his heart filled with gratitude. He remembered the cautious, loving way she tended to him: always interspersing sometimes unnecessary medical aid with gentle caresses. Before her, Connor had never known such attention. Sure, he was coddled as an infant, but he didn't remember it.

For the short time she knew him, Buffy gave him what Angel so desperately wanted his son to feel: love. She gave it unreservedly like only Buffy could, and he saw how Connor reveled in it. His son was weak for no one, but for her he became the little boy he never had a chance to be. He let her clean his wounds and squirmed and gave occasional "Ow"'s while she did - which she, of course, rewarded with soft smiles and caresses. If anyone deserved her attention, it was Connor, and now he had to find a way to go on without it.

From experience, Angel knew how hard that was. His first battle wounds in LA weren't gruesome, but Buffy's touch was glaringly absent. She wasn't there to worry about phantom vampire infections, or constantly ask if her touch was hurting him. She wasn't there to kiss him when she finished or drop by to check on him. There was no bright side to getting injured anymore, and that fact just reminded him that there was no bright side to anything anymore. Patching himself up at night just reminded him of what he lost.

Angel watched his son tolerate Cordelia's touch. Cordy wasn't gentle, or patient, or even particularly thorough. Most of the time he could do a better job on his own, but helping bandage the wounded made her feel helpful, so he let her. But where Cordelia was rough and fairly inconsiderate with him, he imagined she was trying to be more caring with his son which apparently was the last thing he wanted. Connor let her fumble around a bit before thanking her and getting up before she'd finished bandaging the first cut. She called out to him, but he just kept walking. The reminder of what he'd lost bothered him more than his injuries.

Cordelia turned her hurt gaze to Angel, "What did I do?"

Angel watched as Connor hurried up the stairs. "Nothing. He just needs some time" He waited until Cordelia had finished with him before taking some supplies up to his son. He found him lying on the balcony outside his room. With a steady heart rate and closed eyes, Connor appeared relaxed; the faint smile on his lips gave Angel a clue as to why. Connor had given himself to memories –maybe even a daydream . . . one where Buffy hadn't left, where she didn't plan on leaving him, where she was happy to stay and help him feel him that everything was going to be okay.

Angel could easily picture what was in Connor's imagination. Seeing Connor work with his team or casually make himself a sandwich would send Angel into his own fantasy world. A world where camaraderie and mundane activities were normal. Where Connor truly felt at home here . . . and so did Buffy. A world where the three of them were a family who laughed and fought and made ridiculously unhealthy sandwiches together. It didn't take much to send Angel there, and it took a great deal to pull him out. His team just thought he was tired or stressed when they had to shake him back to alertness; they didn't know the world behind his eyes.

Not wanting to frighten the boy, he closed the door making sure it clicked and proceeded to shuffle his feet a bit. Connor either didn't hear it or more likely didn't want to hear. Taking a seat beside him, he began spreading out the supplies he'd collected from downstairs. As he reached over to get a better look as his wounds, Angel was startled to see Connor's smile faded and his eyes glued to the stars.

When he didn't say anything or move away, he took the lack of response as permission to continue. Slowly but firmly, Angel finished cleaning the cut Cordelia started. He worked silently and efficiently but was surprised when his dabbing and probing failed to elicit a hiss or even a small flinch.

Angel finished cleaned the gashes on his ribs without commenting on the earlier scene or daydream he'd interrupted. But as he placed bandages on them, he couldn't prevent himself from asking the one question which constantly nagged at him. "Connor, why didn't you leave with her?"

"She didn't want me to. She thought I was wanted here, that I belonged."

Angel gathered the supplies off the floor. "You're all finished."

Connor nodded. "Thank you." As Connor closed his eyes again, Angel walked out.

On his way back to his office, Angel made a quiet prayer of gratitude. _Thank you Buffy. Thank you for letting me keep him – for believing this home is right for him. _He just wished she felt it was right for her too.

* * *

The next day at work, everyone was especially cautious around Connor. He didn't seem particularly volatile, but his increased silence distressed the others. If he knew the others were anxious around him, he didn't show it. Angel spent the morning watching Connor sharpen the weapons. For once, Cordelia didn't mention his brooding, and Angel didn't bother hiding it.

Watching Connor walk up the stairs, Angel surprised Cordelia when he spoke aloud. "Is that what I did?"

Frowning, she turned away from her filing to give him her complete attention. "What do you mean?"

The door of Connor's room closed. Angel stared after the stairs. "I left her in Sunnydale so she could be happy."

"And here I thought it was so you wouldn't become a psycho killer again."

"I hurt every day I wasn't with her, but I thought she was happy every day she wasn't with me." He turned to face her. "Seeing his face, feeling his pain, was that her?"

She broke eye contact to look back at her files. Finally, she sighed, "I don't know Angel. I left too."

In one way or another, everyone did. . . her friends . . . her mom.

He came to L.A. without any intention of building a life here. But he did. Somehow he'd managed to make friends, find support, even have a son. He'd moved on leaving that temptation and pain behind him.

And so it was: the lives of those around Buffy changed, but her life remained the same: fighting one battle after another until the day she died. He had been aware of her duty to the world, and he left her to face it alone . . . to die alone. It was weakness that kept him away, not love. He wondered if she could ever forgive him, and if so, if he could ever forgive himself.


	16. Chapter 13: Memories

**Chapter 13: Memories**

It was early morning and Angel was in the kitchen staring at a mug of blood. Connor poured himself a cup of coffee and joined him.

They leaned against the counter and stared at their beverages.

"What she was like . . . before?"

Angel's brow flickered surprise and he considered how to answer. "She was different, and the same. She smiled more, made others smile - but she's always cared about people."

Angel didn't plan to say more, but when Connor remained quiet, he realized it wasn't enough. Angel sighed. He hadn't actually been a part of her life the last couple years. She could have changed; she probably did change. After a moment, his eyes became glazed. "Around the time we met, I found her hunting a large nest of very old, very powerful vampires. I tried warning her away from them."

"She is strong."

Angel nodded. "And stubborn. She said they'd taken someone she knew."

"A friend."

Angel shook his head. "Just a boy she'd met once." He frowned. "But that's how she saw people - no one was just a person to her - they were possible friends or friends of friends." He shrugged. "Her heart was so big it even had room for a vampire."

"Her heart is smaller now . . ."

Angel took another sip. "I don't know. Aside from you, I don't know who she cares about or what she thought of us."

A moment passed. "Did she save him?"

Angel looked at his son. "She tried."

The conversation ended. The answer was enough -enough to help Angel realize Connor liked talking about Buffy. So after that morning, Angel started finding reasons to bring her up. Any time something reminded him of her, he shared it with his son. He didn't hold any memories back.

Sometimes, Connor would ask him to retell certain stories: like the time she led an army of students to defeat a giant snake, or when she faced and killed a crazy vampire without slayer strength. Buffy never spoke about herself to him, so even though she wasn't there, Connor felt he was finally getting to know her. He felt he was getting to know his father too.

Angel didn't have many pictures of Buffy, but after some digging he found one to give to Connor. Cordelia gave him some pictures too - most were from senior year: homecoming, prom, but one photo, his favorite one, was taken the night Buffy died, the first time. It wasn't specifically of her, but she was in it. It was a photo taken at the Bronze with Giles and Jenny in a table in the far background and in the foreground Xander and Willow smiling at the camera with a glaring Cordelia close by. Further behind, underneath a bright night, danced Buffy and Angel. Her hair was still damp, her dress was slightly dirty, and if he squinted, Connor could see the faint lines on her upper chest where the Master scratched her.

The pictures and stories combined with Connor's dreams to make Buffy a daily presence in his life. Buffy was right: whether he was fighting demons, wandering the city, or laughing with the team, Buffy's presence remained with him, giving him joy. He still felt loved and important.

She became a presence in Angel's life too. Before this time with his son, Angel rarely mentioned her. Occasionally when he came across a demon he'd think about what Buffy would say – what joke she'd make. And he dreamt about her sometimes, but that was it. He thought it would hurt too much if he allowed himself more. He was wrong. Looking at the pictures, retelling the anecdotes, hearing the stories about her made him strong in a way that only Buffy could.

* * *

After many stories, Angel asked his son for one in return. "Will you tell me how you met her?"

Connor continued cleaning his axe.

Angel thought he hadn't heard his questions until -"I saw a man hurting a girl. I tried to kill him but he pulled out a loud weapon. It shot something at me but before it shot another, someone made him drop it. The man held his arm, the girl ran away, and then this person with the longest hair I'd ever seen came up to me. She poked poke my chest and turned me around a couple times."

"Probably making sure you weren't shot."

"I asked her who she was . . . what she was. She just walked away. I followed."

"Why?"

"She was different." He shrugged. "I followed her to a bridge. She didn't say anything, but she handed me a blanket and shared her food with me."

"She took care of you."

"And I wanted to take care of her too. She makes that hard."

Angel smiled and nodded knowingly. He patted his sons shoulder and walked away.

Having overheard their exchange, Wesley waited a few moments before approaching Connor. "You care a great deal about her. You should know she cares a great deal about him." He leaned against a wall where Connor was sitting. "Shortly before he left Sunnydale, he was poisoned. She stopped hunting a big evil to look for a cure. I thought she was wrong. I thought she should let him die."

Connor nodded agreement.

Wes watched him carefully as he told him, "When she learned her blood would save him, she forced him to drink her."

The boy's eyes widened.

"The people here consider him a friend, but he was more than that to her. He was everything."

Connor put down the axe. "If she loved him, why doesn't she remember him?"

Wesley closed his eyes. "I imagine for much the same reason you don't remember him. Trust and love can be forgotten given enough time away."

"I will never forget her."

He sighed. "And if she has any choice in the matter, she won't forget you either."

* * *

_Buffy and Connor were hunting together. The air felt thick making it hard to breathe. The moon didn't light up the sky – no stars, no moon, and barely any street lights. _

_They didn't know where the evil had gone. They held hands to keep track of each other. Something was burning. Proof was in the heat and the roar of the flames, but the light? Fire should be bright, but they couldn't see it. Connor let go of her hand and continued ahead. Was he going towards the burn or away from it? The heat felt like it was coming from all sides._

_They couldn't see each other or hear each other. Then, a burst of light. Connor's silhouette was illuminated – and obliterated. The sounds of an explosion finally reached her ears. She fell back_ – and sat up.

Her breathing sounded louder than the waves. The nigh was cool, but she still felt the heat of her dream.

In a daze, she stood up and walked out of the dark cave. Outside, the clouds hid the stars and moon. Buffy walked across the rocks towards the cool waves. The cold air bathed her lungs like a salve. Water on the fire.

Eventually, she ran out of rocks. She stood on the edge of the final rock before the water. The pounding of waves against the shore sounded like the roar of flames, but it wasn't smoke she smelled; it was salt. She breathed deep and lifted her face to receive mist from the ocean. Wind, water, salt – she dove into water – and silence.


	17. Chapter 14: Indestructible

**Chapter 14: Indestructible **

He wanted to believe there were substances in everyone that could not be destroyed. Even when the body dies, the substance merely changed forms, like ice into mist. He wanted to believe that instances of great hate, love and trauma became those substances. They'd look like black tar spread around the heart. They'd stain, stick and refuse to let go. He thought he'd stained her heart that way, but it hadn't last long at all.

Cordelia loved him before she ascended and became a high being. Now, when she looked at him she was probably remembering one of his many, many sins.

Even with the current threat looming, her words still cut through all his thoughts.

"When I was up there, I could look back and see everything you ever did as Angelus—more than see, I felt it. Not just their fear and pain. I felt you and how much you enjoyed making them suffer. I love you, Angel, but I can't be with you."

She couldn't be with him because he'd done the unforgivable . . . more than once.

From his desk chair he saw a photo peaking behind bills and research. The blurry 3x5 was taken of Cordelia and Buffy at their senior year homecoming dance. They both looked like they'd come out of a fight. He'd fallen for two incredibly strong, beautiful women, and neither wanted anything to do with him.

Cordelia said an evil was coming. Stopping it wouldn't redeem him though; nothing would.

He tried to make his mind focus on the threat, but his eyes wouldn't leave Buffy's blurry face. She was one of the few people who saw him at his worst and still thought he was worth saving.

He missed her.

* * *

Cordelia paced in the attic of a local museum, where she and Connor had been staying recently. Making up her mind, she headed for the door.

She gasped and shook her head. "Must be genetic."

Connor stood in front of her. "What?"

"Sneaking up on people. Your dad's an expert."

"I was just making a sweep. Where ya going?"

She shrugged. "Been inside all day. Thought I'd take a walk, clear the cobwebs, recharge the chargeables." When Connor didn't look away, she continued, "OK, stop with the look. I'm getting a stronger feeling."

"About the vision."

She swallowed and nodded. "Yeah. Flashes, images, tugging at me, pulling."

"Where?"

"I don't know." She looked away. "Maybe where this thing's gonna jack-in-the-box."

"So you were gonna go face it by yourself."

She straightened. "It's alright. I was a higher being." She walked past him.

"Was. "

Cordelia stopped.

"You're not anymore."

"No, I'm not. I remember wanting to come back home, to be able to touch, to feel. "She sat down on the bed. "to be human again."

"You are."

She looked at the ground. "But I can't remember how. Am I on vacation? Did I go cosmic AWOL? Did I do something to piss off the Powers That Be and get kicked out? Why am I here?"

"Because you're important."

She snorted. "Oh, yeah. The world's really stopped turning without me."

"Well... you're important to me."

She looked at him a moment. "Guess the sneaky is not the only thing you got from Angel. Getting pretty good with saying the right words, too."

He smiled. "Complete sentences. I've been working on it."

She smiled a little too. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I was sent back because I'm important or needed—for this, to stop whatever's about to happen. I have to find out if that's why I'm here." She stood from the bed.

"And I have to go with you."

"No, it's dangerous."

Connor grip tightened on his sword. "That's why I'm coming."

* * *

They wandered between dark warehouse making their way through empty crates and litter.

Connor frowned. "Sure you know where you're going?"

She maintained her quick stride. "Exactly? No. But, for the first time since I've been back, I feel like I have a purpose, like a reason for being here. Before, all I felt was empty—like I was waiting for my life to start."

"I know how that feels. Not knowing why you're here, what your place is in this world."

She chuckled. "It's called being 18. If you make it past 21, things get a lot better."

He stopped walking. "They already have."

She turned to face him. "You really are getting awfully good with words."

He smiled and they continued on side by side.

Then, Cordelia slowed and started glancing around.

"What is it?"

"This place. I've been here before."

"In your vision?"

"No, I—" She stilled. "Oh, my God. Darla."

"My mother."

"She died here. Connor, this is where you were born."

Before Connor could respond to that information, the ground rumbled and started breaking. Red light rose from the crack and then something else. First they saw the imposing horns, the darkest face and then – the entire, enormous monster. Cordelia recognized this creature from her visions.

Connor rushed at it with his sword. The demon picked him up and threw him across the alley denting a steel dumpster.

Cordelia screamed. "Connor!" Crouched on the ground, she looked up to see the devil reaching for her. Before he could grab her neck, he was pulled back abruptly.

A rusted chain around its neck tightened, twisted and slipped it to its belly dragging it along the alley floor towards Buffy. She looped the around its neck again and tightened. It roared and slammed the ground so hard he pierced the pavement and stopped his movement. She pulled the chain and bent to look him in the eye. He looked right back and laughed pushing up off the floor with all four limbs, breaking the chain and landing atop the five story building above them

Dropping the chain, Buffy approached Connor who was staring at her. She crouched beside him and he wheezed through the pain, "You came back. You came back to me."

Cordelia joined them frowning at the dent in the dumpster. "We need to get out of here."

The pair didn't seem to hear her. They looked at each other and wide rivers of emotion flowed between them.

* * *

Lorne looked at the papers spread across the coffee table. They were filled with mystical symbols and there were hundreds of pages. Wes looked at the pages too while Gun sat on the couch watching Angel pace.

"That's everything Wolfram and Hart could decipher from what they took out of Lorne."

Wesley glanced at Angel. "They just handed these over?"

"Lilah—she can be very giving."

Gunn leaned on his knees. "You trust her on this?"

"No, but she's got an interest in stopping the end of the world before it ruins Wolfram and Hart's end of the world, so..."

"Okay, what's the plan?"

"You're holding it." Angel sat next to Gunn. "We figure out what all this means, then do something large and violent."

Wesley looked at him. "I see you've given it considerable thought."

Holding some papers, Lorne frowned. "So all this came out of my head? No wonder it made me greener."

Angel nodded. "If Wolfram and Hart hadn't extracted it, you'd be a paler shade of dead."

"Yeah, well, remind me to send 'em a fruit basket." Sipping his cocktail, he nodded at the ringing phone.

"Mm. Saved by the continuous bell."

"You've been logging the calls?"

"Every last squishy one."

Angel looked around the room. "Grab a map, start marking the locations. See if they're concentrated in any one area." Looking at Wes and Gunn he gestured to the table. "Whatever's happening, whatever Cordy's seen, the answers are in these pages. We need to figure this out."

* * *

In their attic, Cordelia wrapped Connors ribs while another a minor earthquake hit.

Connor tried to stand. "I've got to go. I've got to help her stop it."

"Yeah, getting yourself killed should really slow that thing down."

"But Buffy—"

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Buffy will be fine. It's you I'm worried about." His side had already started to darken. "These ribs are broken."

Connor hissed at the pain as he took a deep breath, "I've never been broken, not even in Quor-Toth. I didn't think I could be."

"You're hurt because of me. Because I thought maybe I still had some grand higher purpose, that me being here could actually... make a difference. Now I know better."

He shifted to face her. "All you know is that that thing can hurt us, but we're not alone."

Cordelia seemed to look through Connor. "Because Buffy is back."

Connor smiled.

* * *

Angel, Wesley, Gunn and Lorne walk up to the club on the roof ready to fight. They'd figured out a location for the evil and now they had eyes on it – at least they thought they did.

Surrounded by bodies stood a huge, dark, rocky monster. The ground shone and white sparks flew everywhere.

The sight was so bright they squinted and shielded their eyes with their hands.

Gunn yelled over the sizzling roar, "What's going on?"

Wes yelled back, "Someone is electrocuting it."

Angel took in the scene – two electrical lines from above had been cut and placed on opposite sides of a huge puddle of water. The creature in the middle of that puddle didn't convulse or fall; he didn't move at all.

A splash from the other side of the club brought the gangs attention to the cause.

Lorne dropped his arrow. "Is that—"

The electricity evaporated new water Buffy tossed on. Soon all the water would evaporate and the demon would be mobile again. She ran back to the bar but knew what she'd find: empty bottles.

All of a sudden, the sparking top. The roof became terribly quiet . . . . then the monster chuckled. He stepped forward and gang followed.

Angel hoist his sword and ran toward the Beast. Gunn flanked him on the right, while Wesley and Lorne stayed on the left with crossbows aimed. Angel swung the sword at the devil, but it has no effect—when the sword touched its skin, it neither cut nor penetrated. Angel continued trying to hurt it with the sword but to no avail. Having enjoyed Angel's failure, the monster took his sword and tossed it aside. He grabbed Angel and tossed him aside too. Angel hit a column across the room shattering it to pieces before landing on the floor.

Gunn hurled his battleaxe at it, but the monster caught it easily, bending the blade in half and throwing it back at Gunn.

Angel recovered from his fall, stood, and wielded two smaller axes. Angel swung them at its legs, arms, head—but they didn't even dent it.

Wesley and Lorne shot arrows from their crossbows, but the demon deflected them with his forearm, changing their trajectory so the arrows hit Angel instead. He doubled as they hit him in his stomach and shoulder.

The demon looks around at all of them Wesley and Lorne were reloading the crossbows when the Beast picked up Angel and hurled him at the group, knocking them off balance.

Gunn charged the Beast with a sword, hacking mightily at its head. He didn't make a single crack. The demon grabbed him by the throat, squeeze and threw him across the room.

Buffy threw something at the monster that made him roar.

Wesley reached both hands inside his coat and pulled out two automatic handguns. Seeing the white splotches, he aims at them, but missed. He shot both guns, eventually giving up on the splotches and going for the chest and the head - with no effect. Out of bullets, he dropped them and reached for the shotgun at his side.

Wesley fired at the Beast's chest, causing it to flinch a bit, but the shots didn't leave a mark. He fired again at its face; the devil dropped to his knees. Wes aimed the shotgun at its face at close range as the devil looked up and smiled at him. It grunted, pushed the shotgun away and flung Wesley across the room. Then it laughed

"Hold the gloat, chuckles." Angel pulled the arrow out of his shoulder. "We're just getting started."

Angel lunged for the Beast, engaging him in hand-to-hand combat. They exchanged punches. The monster's punches were so strong Angel was forced into a backflip through the air. He landed on his feet on an awning. In full vampiric form now, Angel jumped down landing in front of the Beast. With more punches, Angel managed to knock get the monster to his knees. Angel grabbed a dagger from his leg-holster and pointed it his enemy's yellow eyes. It grabs his arm as its eyes widen. Angel tried to plunge the dagger down but this beast was stronger than him, so much stronger. The beast turned the blade and stabbed Angel deep in the neck.

Angel groaned in agony, blood dribbling down his mouth, as he involuntarily reverted to human face. The demon looked knowingly at Angel.

"Do you really think she's safe with him?"

Before he could comprehend his meaning, Angel was thrown out in the city, well beyond the surrounding buildings.

Standing up, Gunn screamed. "No!"

Lorne eyes held panicked and darted between where Angel was thrown and the monster still with them.

The demon rested on one knee and punched the floor at the center of his human square sending a trail of fire out along the floor in the shape of the Eye of Fire symbol. That symbol meant destruction.

A shock wave emanated from the area, knocking everyone back a few feet. Lorne is fell against a glass skylight breaking it and falling into the room below. Buffy fell back against the bar but recovered balance quickly and jumped forward onto the devil's back. She pours something on its head and followed it up with a punch. One of his horned cracked off. The fire around them grows higher and closer to them. Both her and the Beast scream.

The fire rises quickly soon becoming taller than monster. Wesley sat up in time to see the Beast leap straight up into the sky, riding the fire that he created. High above the building, Buffy fell off his back. Her screams stop.

Wesley moved towards Gunn, who lay unconscious on the floor. He tried to move him away from the fire.

* * *

Lying on the ground, Angel pulled out the metal from his neck. As he convulsed from pain and blood loss, he gazed at the sky. "B-Buff—" He gurgled up blood.

* * *

Connor and Cordelia stood side by side watching the column of fire outside their window. It shot up in a dark cloud, burning bright then disappearing into the growing clouds. From that dark heaven, fireballs rain down upon the city.

"I helped this happen."

Cordelia looked at him, "No."

"That thing is—it chose the place where I was born. It needed that – me."

"Connor, it's not you."

"The child of two vampires." He shook his head. "I'm a part of this."

She touches his face and brushes his hair away from his eyes.

He looked at her. "I need to find Buffy."

With the hand she used to brush hair from his face, Cordelia pulled him closer and kissed him.

Pulling back, he scanned her face both hopefully and skeptically. "Why—Cordy, why did you?"

"Because I don't think it matters anymore. I know how you feel about me, Connor. When I think about what you've—"She touched his cheek. "You never had a childhood, or a mother or safety or anything that didn't come with pain. If this is the end, I want you to have something good, something good without any pain."

Cordelia put his hand on her waist and kissed him again. He kissed her back and focused all his mind and heart on her.

* * *

Coming back to consciousness, Lorne watched through the broken skylight as the fireballs rain down on the city. His eyes refused to close or turn away from this horror.

* * *

Wesley held Gunn's limp body in his arms having carried him to a sheltered part of the club. He watched the sky in disbelief.

* * *

Badly burned, Buffy lay on the ground still gripping the devil's broken horn. Her long hair smoked from the fire. Instead of staring at the sky, she forced herself off the ground slowly. Look around, she realized she landed on top a building next to the club. Holding her side, she made her way to the roof's exit door. She broke the locked handle and limped inside. While the sky burned, she struggled down flights of stairs in the dark – all the while tightly clutching the huge horn. It felt cool in her hands.

* * *

Angel didn't believe in indestructible substances anymore. Watching Cordelia make love to his son, Angel didn't believe that anything lasted – not love, not family. Fireballs fell down around him and blood oozed from his neck, but neither bothered him. He'd stop the fire, he'd stop the Beast. He'd destroy everything that should be destroyed and the rest? . . . . The rest he'd watch disappear. Good and bad – eventually, everything disappears.


	18. Chapter 15: Regrouping

**Chapter 15: Regrouping**

Cordelia hadn't been asleep nearly an hour before Connor crawled out of bed. He dressed quietly, but it was the moan he made when he bent to put on his shoes that woke her.

"Is the world ending?"

Connor looked back at her. "I need to find Buffy."

Cordy pulled the sheet up to cover herself. "Where are you going to start looking?"

He straightened slowly. "She's probably near the tower of fire. Either this beast is dead or she's tracking it."

"Or she's. . . ."

He shook his head. "I may not be indestructible, but she is."

Cordelia frowned. "Connor, you know that's not true."

He leaned slightly to kiss her forehead. "I'll come back when I've found her."

She watched him walk towards his weapons. "We need to talk about what happened."

He looked at the window. "The fire is less . . . I think . . . maybe that means the world isn't ending."

She sighed. "Connor, we can't do what we did again."

"B—why?"

She scooted closer to him. "You're very special Connor. What we did will always be special and something we both needed, but these are unusual circumstances."

"I don't understand."

She ran her fingers through her hair nervously. "You're Angel's son. It's raining fire—never a good sign. And a giant demony beast crawled out from the earth where you were born."

"I thought you didn't believe I was a part of this."

"Connor, of course, it isn't your fault. I told you last night—"

He picked up his sword. "You said a lot of things last night. You said what we did wouldn't lead to pain."

"Connor, all I said was—"

"That I can't be with you." He opened the door and looked back at her. "How could that be painful?"

"Connor…"

The door closed behind him.

* * *

Buffy sat under a bridge and pulled out a knife. Gathering her hair, she cut off the burned locks. Her hair barely brushed her shoulders now. She'd managed to cut off her hair without letting go of the horn. Leaning back, she looked at it -turning it around in her hands. She brought it up to smell. Then she closed her eyes and focused on it.

A homeless man walked by and took in her injuries. "You alright ma'am?"

She opened her eyes but didn't look at him. She just kept staring at the broken horn.

* * *

Fred leaned on the desk listening to the radio newscaster.

"A series of earthquakes and what authorities are now calling "meteor showers" have ravaged the southland tonight, igniting fires and explosions throughout the L.A. basin." She turned up the radio before hiding her face in her hands. "As fire and rescue teams assess the ongoing threat, government officials are asking people to stay in their homes and off the streets."

The telephone rings and she rushed to answer it. "This is Fred. No, that's right. Yes ma'am. Angel Inves— I know, it is scary, but— But if she's only an hour late— I'm just saying maybe it's a bit early to panic. A little fire falling from the sky doesn't necessarily mean the end—" The sound of a door opening made her turn around. "Oh, my God!" Fred dropped the phone and ran to give Gunn a tight hug.

Lorne and Wes walked past them. One of the two eyeing the couple's greeting.

"Oh! I thought you were dead." She pulled back just enough to look at Gunn. "I got back here, and it was empty and I panicked and the radio and the fires—"

"I know, baby. I know. Me too. It was like the end of the world out there, and all I wanted was you."

She hugged him again. "You're safe now." She glanced at Wes. "All of you."

Still watching the couple, he nods, "Yes, all safe."

Fred stepped back from Gunn. "What about Angel? Where's Angel?"

Wesley looked at Lorne. "He's not the only one we're missing."

"What do you mean? Is Connor okay?"

Lorne sighed. "What he means is the prodigal slayer has appeared . . . again."

"Buffy's back? Why didn't Connor tell us?"

Wesley frowned. "We're not sure he knows."

Gunn raised his eyebrows. "And no way would I wanna start that conversation. 'Hey Connor, your girl's back and by the way she fell to her death fighting a hellbeast.'"

Hearing Fred gasp, Wes leaned heavily against the wall and closed his eyes. "We're not sure she's dead."

Gunn gave him a hard look. When Wesley didn't open his eyes, Gunn relaxed his brow. "What we are sure of is she's the only one who came prepared for that fight."

Lorne nodded. "With only fire and destruction as a clue, we go in with arrows and guns."

Fred frowned. "What'd Buffy bring?"

Wes smirked. "Liquid nitrogen."

Gunn's eyes widened. "So that's what that white stuff was. She was freezing bits of him."

Finally, Wesley opened his eyes. "She took off a pretty big bit too, so we know he's not indestructible." He looked at the ground recalling the battle. "And while her electrocuting plan didn't seem to hurt him, it did immobilize him temporarily. That's something."

Fred looked at the papers on the ground arranged in a symbol. "So this hellbeast, is that the pain and suffering and despair thing you saw when you read Cordelia?"

Lorne winced and brought a hand to his side. "'Fraid so, peanut. And if there was ever truth in advertising."

Fred looked around. "What do we do now? Look for Angel or Buffy - what about Cordelia and Connor? Has anyone checked in on em'?"

The door opened and closed. "They're fine."

The group turned to see Angel. Fred ran up to greet him but he wouldn't look at her. He stopped at the edge of the lobby.

"Angel, you're hurt."

"I'll be— let's just focus on the – where's Buffy?"

No one speaks, but everyone looks at him.

"Is she still hunting it?"

Lorne softly replied, "I don't think so Angelcakes."

"What is it?"

Taking a deep breath, Wesley stepped forward. "The last I saw her, she jumped on the beast as flame rose around them. The beast flew into the sky and she fell . . . a very long way down."

"She's – she can't be."

"We'll find her Angel . . . in whatever state she's in . . ."

With all the force he could muster, Angel told his team. "We need her help. We need Buffy." Exhausted, he stumbled to the floor.

While Fred hurries to Angel, Gunn ran towards the kitchen. "I'll get him some blood."

Fred pulls Angel to lean on her and Wes crouches near. "We'll find her."

He looked out from pained eyes to Lorne across the room. "I need her."

Fred just held him tighter and looked at Wes. "I know honey. We know you do."

* * *

Gunn leaned over the front desk holding his head and trying to focus on the notes in front of him. Fred clicked away on her laptop while Wesley pulled out another large book.

Fred grumbled. "I don't get it. I've run its stats through every possible database, cross-checked against prophecies, and still come up with squat. How can a creature with that much firepower not leave behind some kind of parchment trail?"

Gunn rubbed his head. "There is a trail. The problem is the trail guide was drawn by a crack-head."

Glancing at the radio, Wesley flipped to another section in his book. "If we find out what it wants and how it plans on getting it, we can work out an idea of where it's headed."

Lorne groaned from the couch. "Of course, if our cinnabuff is alive, she's probably already found it. Think she'd do us a favor and kill the ugly hunk?"

Gunn looked at Wes. "What are the chances she shows up the same time this fire-ball demon shows up?"

"Slayers are often visited by dreams portending great evil. Whatever dimension she visited, whatever she's forgotten about life, Buffy is still a slayer. Which is why if she's not dead, she's surely tracking our beast."

Fred sighed. "Unless there's a greater great evil we don't know about."

Lorne blanched. "Comforting Fredikins. Real com-"

She looked over to the opening front door. "Cordelia."

Gunn nodded hello. "You guys survive the night all right?"

Walking into the lobby, Cordy scanned the room. "Yeah, you know, it was, uh—

Fred finished, "Scary, nasty and nervous making?"

"The sky should not be made of fire." She frowned. "Angel around?"

Without looking up, Wesley nodded towards the closed office door. "Resting. Rough night."

Cordelia walked over and knocked on the door.

Fred turned towards her. "By the way, Buffy's back, kinda."

"I know." With that, she opened the door and leaned in.

The rest of the group exchanged confused frowns.

The door closed behind her.

Cordelia leaned back against it. "You have a minute?" She approached his desk. "I was hoping we could . . .talk. About, uh, well, about Connor."

Angel stood. "I already know." He walked past her and out of the office.

"You do? Really." She followed him around the lobby. "Well then you're handling it a lot better than me."

Looking at the others, he whispers to her, "Can we not do this right now?" He returns to his office with Cordelia right behind.

"Listen up, daddy dearest. The fact that this hell beast you're all looking for crawled up out of the ground in the exact spot where your son was born seems precisely what we should be talking about right now."

"Same spot? Really?"

"You said you already knew."

"Of course I knew. Doesn't mean anything. Could just be a, you know—"

"Coincidence."

"Strange things happen."

"Like a vampire giving birth?"

Angel sat down at his desk.

She continued, "Oh wait, that thing happened in the exact same spot too."

"What are you—" He leaned forward. "You think Connor's connected to this evil thing?"

"Me? God, no. He's a sweetie pie."

He leaned back again. "Then why're you telling me?"

"He feels responsible. I think he wants to find Buffy—who by the way is back in town – and hunt this thing."

Angel sighed. "Good luck to him, cause my team and I can't find either of them." He rubbed his head with his hand. "They think it killed her. . . . They saw—"

"I don't care what they saw; that girl doesn't die. She's like a freakin' cat or something."

For the first time that day, he looked at her without any distance in his eyes. "I don't know what to tell him."

"First you're going to find him and then you're going to tell him the truth – that Buffy sucks at staying gone."

"Connor!"

Angel frowned and rush to the door. He hadn't heard that voice since - "Buffy."


	19. Chapter 16: Allies

**Chapter 16: Allies**

"Connor!"

Scanning the room desperately, Buffy shouted for him again.

The first thing Angel noticed was the severity of her burns . . . she might not survive them.

Wesley tried to approach, but before he made it two steps, Buffy spotted Angel and charged towards him.

When she reached him, she jabbed him between the ribs so he doubled over. Grabbing the back of his neck, she pulled him close to speak right in his ear. "Where. Is. He?"

"Looking." He coughed. "Looking for you."

She let him go.

He straightened only to find himself pushed against the wall. From the hand on his chest, he felt an overwhelming burst of love. Brief and potent, love hurt more than a punch to his ribs.

"Find him." Her eyes were wide with desperation. "Bring him home."

Breaking their connection, she stumbled back. She looked around the room nodding to herself.

Wesley called out to her, "Buffy."

She didn't respond.

She faced the door, took several deep breaths and then she started to leave.

Angel followed her. "Buffy, you should rest. You're burned."

She opened the door and stood looking out at the street. "I don't know how to kill it. I don't . . ."

He stood close enough for her to hurt him if she chose. Hunching closer, he murmured. "Help us. We'll kill it together."

Staring at the street, her eyes began to water. Tears looked ready to fall as she whispered, "Where is he?"

He didn't know if it was her tears or her touch earlier, but his anger and pain fell away. His son needed him. Buffy needed him.

Afraid of hurting her, his hand hovered over her shoulder. "Please let us take care of you." His hand flexed in the air with the effort not to touch her. "We'll find Connor. He'll be okay. I promise."

Finally, she glanced at him. She nodded slowly before walking a few steps to reach the stairs. She slumped down against them so she could still face the door.

Her eyes closed and Angel panicked. "Buffy."

Wes hurried to the pair. He put his fingers to her neck feeling her pulse. "She going to be okay. She's just exhausted and-" He scanned all the visible burns, "-weakened."

Angel stared at Wes until he met his eyes. Looking him straight in the eye, Wes gave firm nod.

Angel let out the breath he'd been holding. He turned towards his team. "Gunn, where would he go looking for her?"

Gunn looked at Buffy. "He'd figure it like we did: find the beast, find her."

Fred added, "But he can't. I mean we can't so he probably can't either."

Cordelia's eyes darted to Angel. "But maybe if he's . . . I mean where the monster started from. . ."

He didn't even look at her. "So no beast, what's plan B?" He walked towards the group.

Gunn nodded. "I know some places." He backed up from the pile of research papers with energy. "I'll check around."

Watching Wesley pick up Buffy off the floor, Fred murmured, "That looks really bad."

Cordelia frowned, "Walking around during a firestorm really wasn't her best idea."

Angel replied to Fred. "Did you see the column of fire before the rain?"

She nodded.

He glanced at Buffy. "She was in it."

Fred's eyes widened.

Cordelia stepped closed and pulled him towards her. "Angel what if he does find the beast?"

"We'll handle it." Angel watched Wesley carry Buffy up the stairs. "We have to."

* * *

Connor sat on the edge of a merry-go-round, literally. Most of the wooden play ground was damaged, but the metal merry-go-round survived the firestorm just fine. Connor swayed his feet on the ground so it slowly spun a little one way and a little the other.

Gunn took a deep breath before approaching.

Before he saw him, Connor spoke. "We used to sleep here sometimes."

Gunn leaned on one of the bars. "We found her – well, she found us."

Connors eyes leapt to his.

"She's in bad shape."

"Is she—will sh . . ."

"Wes thinks she can heal. We just gotta keep her away from the hellbeasts for a while."

"He's strong."

"So we'll need the whole team on this one. Think you're ready to be a part of that again?"

He nodded once.

Gun looked at the ground. He nodded but didn't move. Instead he looked at each piece of playground equipment. His eyes lingered on the slide. "Look, losin' a dad and then losin' friends – that's rough and everyone understood you takin' some time on your own, but Cordy came back and now Buffy's back too. You're not alone. Don't go forgetting that, got it?"

He nodded again. "I want to see her."

Gunn pushed off the merry-go-round spinning it a ways. "Then let's go."

* * *

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "This is ridiculous."

Angel walked in front of Buffy with Wesley trailing behind – all three of them moving at a glacier pace because Buffy could barely move anymore let alone descend stairs.

"I know you can hear me. Just wait. As soon as that sun is down, I am on the streets not coming back till I find him."

Buffy stood in nothing more than boxers and an oversized button down that kept slipping down her shoulder.

Wesley picked up another piece of gauze that fell from her legs. "Ms. Summers, two hours rest might be enough to get you conscious but you're not ready to face anything in your condition."

Keeping their hands ready to help her if she fell, both men refused to grab her lest they worsen her burns.

Angel walked backward down to steps as Buffy slowly descended her third. "Buffy, talk to me. We both want the beast gone and Connor found."

From the front desk Cordy called out, "For goodness sake Buffy, you don't even have pants."

Fred looked up from her computer. "Or shoes."

Wesley glanced at Angel. "I'm not sure she's not running a fever."

Angel stopped in front of her. "Let us help you."

She moved to the side. He moved in front of her. She stepped to the other side and he moved there too. She finally moved to lean heavily on the banister. Watching her try to catch her breath, they stepped closer. She shook her head so they stayed back. She took one big breath and started to sink. They moved in but were too late. She ducked under their arms and summersaulted down the stair case.

Fred gasped. "Oh my god."

She did not land gracefully. She lay sprawled on the lobby floor wheezing. As the men rushed to her side, she tried to sit and started pulling herself across the floor with her less damaged arm.

Cordelia sighed. "You've gotta be kidding me."

Angel leaned over following her slow progress. "Buffy please."

"She's hurt."

The group looked up to see Connor and Gunn standing in the doorway.

Buffy struggled to stand and Connor hurried to help her. She wouldn't take her eyes off him. "You're alive."

He smiled softly. "You are too – kinda . . ." He looked at the group. "She should be lying down."

Cordy shrugged. "She should be chained down"

He slowly walked Buffy back to the staircase. "I'll stay with her."

Angel watched them walk up together and felt Gunn come up beside him. "Thank you."

"Now we got the whole crew together again, we ready to find this thing or what?"

Wesley approached his table of research. "Unfortunately, the firey-chaos our friend caused has rendered police scanners and news outlets useless. He can make as much ruckus as he likes and we can't pull it out of this din."

Gunn came around to Fred and put his arm around her. "Now would be a good time for the Powers to drop a vision -or three on us."

Cordelia shook her head. "They're being conspicuously quiet. Guess with supergirl here, they figure we got it covered."

He nodded. "She's handy in a beast-fight that's for sure."

Fred looked to Wes. "Did she say anything to you?"

He shook his head. "She was unconscious while I treated her burns and uncommunicative upon waking."

Angel shrugged. "And you all saw my dialoging skill."

Cordy nodded. "She'd rather roll down stairs than say two words to you."

Putting his hands in his pockets, he scuffed the floor with his shoe. "She didn't even _try_ to threaten."

Lorne walked out of the kitchen holding ice to his head and a drink in his hands. "Don't droop dandelions. Our snickerdoodle is back and kickin' beast butt -and not holding a grudge about out last team effort."

Wes chin came up. "The effort that succeeded. She spoke to Angel, she listened to him – to an extent." He sighed. "We did not torture her for nothing."

Lorne moved the icepack around on his head. "I'm just sayin' with the big bad we saw, I'm glad to have her on our side."

Cordelia looked around at the group. "But she's not. She's on Connor's."


	20. Chapter 17: Trust

**Chapter 17: Trust**

They lay on top of the covers together. Part of her back rested against part of his chest. Connor realized her injuries made most positions painful. This was the best they could do.

He meant to ask questions and tell her they'd missed her, but smelling her hair, feeling the warmth of her, he forgot words existed. Quietness enveloped them lulling them into a doze.

Lightly wrapping an arm around her, he took a deep breath.

She covered his hand with hers, closed her eyes, and felt a tear fall down her cheek.

On a shaky breath, she tried to smile.

* * *

Instincts honed for sensing what didn't belong, they opened their eyes at the same time.

Connors hand tightened on her hip. "I am taking care of her."

Wesley sat a few feet away. "She needs to tell us what she knows about the beast so we can kill it."

Leaning against the closed door, Angel stared at Buffy. "How did you know where it would be?"

Connor frowned and tried to pull her closer without hurting her.

Buffy's hand tightened on his arm and moved it away from her. Slowly, she sat up and moved her feet to the floor.

Connor sat up too. "Buffy."

She reached out to Angel.

He approached warily and crouched down before her gaze. Her eyes looked at him and into him and followed him wherever he went – they always had.

She leaned closer. "You're afraid."

He never wanted to hide from those eyes. "You knew how to fight him."

Wesley pressed, "You tracked him to the top of that building." He tried to keep his voice sound calm when inside, he felt like jumping out of his skin and shaking her. "We've just learned he killed members of an evil group. You may know what he wants."

Lifting her hand, she touched Angel's cheek lightly. "You think I can save you."

No one moved. The group held their breath at her words.

Angel slowly placed his hand over her holding it against his face.

She stared at him and finally pulled her hand out from under his. Scooting back on the bed, she lay down again.

Wesley started at her with intensity. "Will you help?"

She lay down against Connor and closed her eyes.

Whether she was considering an answer or letting silence be her answer, only Buffy knew.

* * *

Buffy lay on the bed alone staring at the ceiling. People were talking downstairs. Things were happening outside.

She wondered when time stopped being a thing for her. Years, weeks, hours, seconds – she had trouble telling the difference. She didn't know how long she'd been on this bed or how long the people below had been talking.

The sun wasn't up yet so it couldn't have been very long. She frowned not understanding why she felt so restless.

* * *

Buffy crept down the hall and watched the group.

Gunn crossed his arms. "Maybe Wes is right. Big Beastie has got to be stopped, and I'm fresh out of ideas. If there's even a chance Angelus could have inside info we could use—"

Cordy scowled. "And you think he's willingly going to turn it over?"

"I think it's worth a try."

"Not gonna happen."

Connor sat at the top of the stairs and spotted Buffy's approach. His eyes lit up.

Cordelia started to pace. "The gypsies cursed him with a soul so he could feel remorse—to make him suffer for all the people he slaughtered. Removing that soul is the only way to change Angel back into Angelus."

Fred sighed. "A lot easier said than done."

Connor put his arm around Buffy as she sat by his side.

They listened as Cordelia continued, "The gypsy curse was specific. For Angel to lose his soul, he would have to experience a moment of perfect, pure happiness. And right now, happiness of any kind is in . . . kind of short supply."

* * *

Cordelia looked up and saw Angel walking out of his office.

"Did Lorne help you remember?"

"No." His head hung low.

"Anything at all?"

"Nothing." He looked at Fred. "So what have we got?"

She ran her hand over her paper-covered desk. "A puzzle with missing pieces and some cryptic gibberish." She gestured at the object on the table. "Angel, whatever power this device had got swallowed up by the Beast. It won't bring back the sun. Without the orb, it's as useless as—"

"Us." Gunn grimaced. "Face it man, we're losing ground. Your girl is the only one who's made a dent in the thing. We're just lucky we're not dead yet."

Angel intentionally kept his eyes from straying to the stair case. If Buffy and Connor wanted to join, they would have. He looked at the rest of the faces around him. "OK, look, I know things haven't been going our way lately, but . . . things change. And we're not down for the count yet. But the Beast is not our only concern right now. 'Til we figure out how to end eternal darkness, it's a devil's playground out there."

Gunn shrugged. "Guess the wonder twins don't wanna help with that either."

Fred hissed. "Charles."

"Sitting on the bench while the world crumbles – don't know why we let em' stay here."

Fred's gaze darted meaningfully between Gunn and the staircase.

He looked where she looked. "Feel like joining?"

The group looked at the quiet pair. Cordelia stepped forward. "Connor we could really use your help with this."

Gunn frowned at him. "She made up her mind about killing the Beast yet?"

Angel didn't let his gaze stray to the stairs. He kept his voice calm and soft. "They're not the enemy."

Gunn snorted. "Just useless."

Lorne coughed. "Uh, not to be a buttinsky, but could we get back to the pep talky thing?" He laughed nervously.

Fred looked around. "I'm not one to turn down a little pep, but I'd much prefer we had a plan."

The front door opened revealing Wesley. "Here's one."

A man in purple flowing robes followed him in.

Wesley glanced back. "Him."

Angel didn't move. "Who's he?"

"Wo-Pang. He can deliver Angelus to us."

Gunn looked at Cordy. "I thought you said—"

Her eyes widened. "Me too."

Wesley's gaze flew to the stairs as Buffy slowly descended them.

Throwing worried glances at Wesley's guest, Connor followed behind her.

Her feet touched the lobby floor and she stopped her approach.

Connor touched her arm. "Buffy."

"He needs to leave."

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "You haven't even done your creepy touch test."

Buffy's solid gaze fell upon Angel. "Send him away."

Wesley sighed. "Fred, would you mind brewing some tea for our guest?"

"Oh, um, sure. Right this way, Mr. Pang." They walked to kitchen together. "Any special tea you..."

He nodded. "How about Orange Zinger?"

Wesley looked at Angel. "Can we talk in your office?"

Angel didn't break eye contact with Buffy.

"What do you mean, deliver Angelus?"

"Wo-Pang's a shaman, order of the Kun-Sun-Dai."

He nodded to himself. "Dark mystics. You brought a dark mystic here without talking to me?"

Wesley glanced at Buffy. "He claims he has the power to extract souls."

He continued staring at her. "Claims?"

"More importantly, he can restore them. Once we learn what it is Angelus knows about the Beast—"

"We're not bringing Angelus."

"You don't have a choice."

"Actually I do. That was it." He crossed his arms. "You want to hear it again? Not with the bringing."

Wesley put his hand in front of Angel's line of vision blocking Buffy from view. "Don't make this harder than it has to be, Angel. There's no Plan B, and we're running out of time. People are in serious danger."

Stepping around Wesley's arm, Angel slowly approached Buffy. "Then unleashing Angelus is the last thing that we should do. If he's here, I'm not. I won't be able to protect anyone from the Beast or from me."

Wesley followed him. "It's only temporary. We'll take all the necessary precautions in the interim, contain you. I'm not blind to the risks. I know what Angelus—"

Angel stopped and glanced back. "You have no idea what Angelus is, Wesley. All you know is what you've read in books. You've never had the pleasure of his company, and you're not going to." With two more steps, he stood before Buffy. Keeping his eyes on her, he titled his head slightly towards Wes. "Get rid of the shaman."

Gunn stepped forward. "This mean she's gonna help?"

Wesley rubbed his forehead. "Angel, I urge you to act on what we know –not on what you're hoping."

Returning his hand to his side, He frowned at Angel's back. "Buffy did miraculous things; she saved the world, saved you a number of times and . . . she doesn't remember any of it." He looked at her with sad eyes. "She's unable to truly connect with what's happening. She looks like the person you trusted with your life . . ." His frown returned. "but, until she can sustain a connection, you cannot depend on her."

Angel continued to stare at Buffy. "Will you help me?"

She sat down on the stairs without a word. Connor sat with her.

No one said a word.

Angel uncrossed his arms and walked away.


	21. Chapter 18: When You're Ready

**Chapter 18: When You're Ready**

Angel sat on the planter staring at his own thoughts.

Cordelia stood in the doorway.** "**They're all going to die—the flowers, plants, trees—without sun. I'm just realizing... "

He stood and turned away from her.

She sighed. "I just came to say that I'm on your side. Angelus is the jumbo family-sized bad of bad ideas. He'd be a danger to all of us. You made the right call. Wesley, the others...they don't get it."

"But you do."

"Well, if I didn't when Angelus was loose and killing in Sunnydale, then reliving his past horrors in virtual wide-screen sense surround during my tenure in floatyville pretty much makes me an expert."

"Right." He sat down again. "Do you think Wes is right, that Buffy's judgment can't be trusted right now?"

She considered him for a moment. "I think you're relying on her more than you used to – like it's really your judgment you're not sure about."

"He knows me and I don't know how – I can't remember how. If he's somehow controlling me . . ."

She nodded. "You trust yourself to fight the monsters, but when the monster is you, you've always trusted Buffy."

He looked at the ground. "I might already be a danger to you, all of you."

She shook her head. "Well, not like Angelus would be. I mean, he's—he's smart."

He raised a brow "Excuse me?"

She didn't make eye contact. "Well, you know what I mean."

"You're saying Angelus is smarter than me."

"No, I mean...you're smart. He's just—"

"Ingenious."

"But in that twisted, sadistic, ruthless kind of way."

"Like the Beast."

Her eyes lit up. "Yes. Exactly. They think alike, always a step or two ahead of us. I mean, what is it about evil that jacks up the I.Q. points? It's like whenever..." She noticed his stony expression. "What?"

Angel stook and walked back inside.

"Angel." She followed him in to the lobby.

"We're going to need a cage."

Lorne looked up at him. "Cage?"

He nodded. "Strong one. About 10 x 12, steel reinforced, 2-inch bars, maybe 3. I'll make some calls." He marched into his office and shut the door.

Gunn stared at it. "What—do you think something like that's gonna hold the Beast?"

Wesley shut the book he'd been reading. "It's not for the Beast. It's for him."

* * *

Buffy stood in the garden staring at the sky.

Lorne came out and joined her. "Buttercup, I understand not wanting to be a part of dark magics unleashing more evil here." He looked at sunless sky. "There's no refuge anymore. Evil is everywhere you look." He began humming. Eventually he started to murmur:

_You are my sunshine, my only sunshine_  
_You make me happy when skies are gray_

His hum faded. "We forget that song is really about loss." He started to hum again and sing:

_The other night dear, as I lay sleeping_  
_I dreamed I held you in my arms_  
_But when I woke, dear, I was mistaken_  
_So I hung my head and I cried._

_You told me once dear you really loved me_  
_and no one else could come between_  
_but now you've left me and Iove another_  
_You have shattered all of my dreams_

_"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine_  
_You make me happy when skies are gray_  
_You'll never know dear, how much I love you_  
_Please don't take my sunshine away_

He continued to hum and softy, so did she.

Fred looked out the window and could barely hear the two of them singing.

_You'll never know dear, how much I love you_  
_Please don't take my sunshine away_

Lorne looked down at her. His eyes filled with unshed tears. "Oh buttercup, I wish I could tell you this wasn't hell, but I'm afraid it soon will be."

Putting an arm around her shoulders, he continued to hum while she stared at the dying plants. She hummed with him again and his tears finally fell.

* * *

Outside the front door sat a planter. Buffy sank her arm in the soil and felt around. Pulling her arm out, she considered her find.

Connor opened the door. "They're starting the spell."

He watched her slide a crude black stake into her waistband.

Looking at him, she answered the question in his eyes. "It is time to hunt our fears."

He closed the door behind him quietly. With uncertainty in his eyes, he spoke softly. "I am coming . . ."

She breathed in deep and breathing out, she closed her eyes. She held her breathe a moment before opening her eyes. "You are coming."

She reached out her hand and he took it.

Together they walked past the gate.

* * *

Wesley and Gunn finished strapping down Angel to a table inside the cage. Angel looked up at Wes. "I want Buffy here –I know she can't understand, but I-"

Wesley nodded. "I know." He rested his hand on Angel's shoulder. "Gunn would you help Ms. Summers down here. I'm sure Connor will want to join her. We'll wait for your return."

Gunn hurried out and up the stairs.

Cordelia watched the shaman. "What is that?"

The shaman carefully placed a jar on a table. "It's the Muo-Ping, the receptacle that will house his soul."

Angel swallowed. "Where did you find this guy again?"

Wes patted his shoulder. "If you don't come back, you cannot forgive me and I am very much in need of forgiveness." He met Angel's eyes. "You will come back from this."

Angel nodded and swallowed again.

"Angel . . ." Cordelia walked up to the cage. "You don't have to do it."

He looked at the ceiling. "Now she tells me."

* * *

They walked through the city streets hand-in-hand. Everything was dark but everything was loud too – yelling and banging and crying . . . they heard lots of crying.

Connor squeezed her hand. "It's dark. There are too many scents now to pull them a part; how are we tracking it?"

"I don't know." She gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "Sometimes, when you're ready to face something, it stops being hard to find it."

His stomach started to drop and his heart beat faster. "We're close."

The breeze against his skin felt colder than before. He waited for her to say something; instead, she released his hand.

They continued walking side-by-side but separate.

* * *

Wesley's tone was strident. "Where do you think she is?"

With his hand in his pockets, Gunn shook his head.

Fred huffed, "She can barely put pants on by herself and you think she ran away?"

Gunn looked at his girlfriend. "No, I think she walked away with Connor propping her up."

Cordelia declared firmly. "We're his family. He wouldn't just leave without saying goodbye."

"It's lookin' like when times get tough, Connor gets goin'."

"I don't care." Wesley nearly yelled. "I have a nervous vampire downstairs who won't submit to world-saving measures without this girl by his side. Use your collective knowledge of the pair and find them."

Cordy stepped toward the basement. "I'll talk to him."

Wesley blocked her path. "You will stand ready to bring Connor back by his hair if necessary." He scanned the group. "We are not letting Angel out of that cage until we have what we need, so we will search every inch of this property and then every inch of this city." When the group didn't move, he barked, "Go!"

He watched them scatter and scurry to begin their search. When the room was empty, Wesley began his.

The monitor they'd set up to keep an eyes on Angelus sits in the empty lobby. On it is Angel, the Shaman and Lorne.

* * *

"What's happening?"

Lorne looked at Angel tied to the table. "I don't know sugar plum. I just know the shaman shouldn't start until you're good and ready and I guess he shouldn't leave either."

"Buffy?"

He leaned against the cage. "She sang for me today."

Angel jerked his head up. "What?"

"Sweet little voice. Barely two decades old and she's already suffered lifetimes worth."

"Lorne, what did you see?"

"Contrary to dumpling's hopes and dreams, Buffy doesn't hail from his hell dimension - or any for that matter."

"Then she was . . ."

"In a heavenly one."

"Angelhair isn't suffering side-effects of the resurrection spell. She's suffering from its main effect. . . I saw heaven through her."

Angel rested his head back against the table. He didn't know what to say or what to feel.

Lorne looked at the ground. "I think the time difference combined with her recent vacation destination- explains her current non-Buffy-like state."

Angel closed his eyes. "Thank you for telling me."

Lorne simply nodded.


	22. Chapter 19: Feel

**Chapter 19: Feel**

They saw a metal barrel filled with fire. After so much darkness, it hurt Connor's eyes to look at it. His reward was watching her silhouette pass through the light. He wished she was closer. "Why am I connected to this thing?"

The street they walked was quiet. Distant sounds of chaos barely reached them. Still, he could not hear his friend unless she chose to be heard.

"We're all connected to it." Her voice sounded rough and hoarse. "You're aware of it because you choose to be, because you choose to face it . . . because you're brave."

He heard her start to wheeze. "You should rest."

The wheezing stopped.

"Buffy?"

Ahead, a small candlelit memorial shone. When he saw her silhouette pass it, he realized how behind he was. He jogged to catch up.

* * *

Cordelia walked down the basement stairs.

Lorne looked up. "We ready to let the show go on or call the whole thing off?"

She looked at the cage. "Let me talk to our lead for a moment?"

Lorne nodded and started to leave. "Just holler if the shaman gets cold feet."

She walked in the cage and listened as Lorne left the basement. Leaning down she placed her hand on Angels head. "How ya doing?"

"Buffy is missing. . ."

She nodded. "Connor too."

He flexed against his constraints. "I should be looking for them."

"If the world weren't ending."

He flexed again. "They could be in trouble."

"But you don't think they are." She caressed his hair. "You would have busted out long ago if you did. You think they left because they feared what you're about to do. Buffy didn't agree with letting dark-magic man stay and with her injuries, Connor would have insisted on going with her."

His face strained with emotion. "I just want to know they're safe."

She petted his hair in slow even motions. "Wherever they are now, they are out of this hotel, away from this cage, and far from Angelus' reach. They are safer than any of us."

He frowned and his brow quivered. "You think it's time – t-to lose my soul."

She leaned down and softly kiss his forehead. "The sooner you let it go, the sooner we can put it back. Then Buffy and Connor can return and feel safe." She caressed his head and rested her hand against his cheek. "Everyone will be safe."

He flexed and shivered and finally, he nodded.

With her hand lingering against his face, she looked at the shaman. "We're ready."

Upstairs, emotions of a different tone were turned up.

Gunn pushed off from the desk. "They're not here! And we need a plan B."

Wesley scowled. "I've a bit more follow through than that. We'll finish the first before deciding if a second is necessary."

Fred put up her hand. "Guys—"

"You are not the boss here." Gunn stepped so close to Wes their chests almost touched. "You aren't _anything _to anyone here."

Wes's eyes darted to Fred. "I'll let them decide that."

"Guys!"

Sitting up from the desk, Lorne put his drink with ice to his forehead. "Can't demons find oblivion in peace."

She pointed to the screen. "Look!"

The shaman stood behind Angelus while Cordy stood outside the closed cage.

Lorne dropped his glass and the boys ran towards the basement.

Fred touched the screen. "He's starting without us."

Lorne pulled himself from the chair. "I'm getting another drink. Want one Fredikins?"

"He didn't say goodbye."

He nodded absently. "Double coming up."

* * *

Connor liked the darkness. Without the sun, time seemed endless. It reminded him of growing up in a world that was forever dim. In Qor Toth's endless twilight, he did not cut up time into small slivers that made it seem like it was moving faster than it was. There were no mornings or evenings; there was alive, awake, asleep, and dead. He didn't realize how much he missed it.

Caught by his thoughts, he walked into Buffy's back.

She'd stopped.

"We're here?"

"Feel." Even as she said it, she took his wrist and made him reach out his hand.

"Wall. Building."

She put pressure on his hand. "And . . ."

He moved his fingers but couldn't find anything. He squinted hard.

"Close your eyes. Don't focus on your skin. Focus on what's coming through your skin to your head and the top of your stomach."

With eyes closed, he tried to forget about her nearness, about her scent, her touch . . . he could not pretend he was alone, so he pretended they were one. One body, one warmth, one touch and what they touched was -he jerked their hand back. "It's hot."

"Feel again."

"We'll get burned."

Putting her hand on his wrist, she lifted his hand. "Again."

First with fingertips, he dabbed the surface. Frowning, he let his hand make full contact. It didn't burn at first but quickly the wall's surface heated. He tried to pull his hand away but she held it down. He ground his teeth and endured and endured and - his head darted to the left. "There, it's inside, further ahead."

She let him pull his hand back. "Yes."

Letting out a big breath, he grazed the wall with his fingers marveling at the coolness.

"I'll meet you inside."

He smiled to himself. He didn't know what that was or if it was her power or his, but it felt amazing. What was going to happen and what his role would be were clear to him. For the first time in his life, the fog was gone and he could see something clearly.

He didn't know which way she went, but he knew where he needed to go. He _knew._

* * *

Having climbed up and inside the warehouse, Buffy felt for the stake in her waistband. The Beast lit fires for light or for ceremony, she didn't know; she just appreciated the chance to see.

Connor would fight the Beast and she would let him. She couldn't do this alone; neither could he. They had to both be here and they had to let each other go.

The Beast kneeled at an altar but she knew the moment he sensed Connor. He remained kneeling, but the air around him stilled.

Into the quiet, he rumbled. "This is not your time."

Not receiving an answer, the Beast slapped the ground again and again making it quake. Buffy held tight to a pipe, but she heard a crate crash announcing Connor's stumble somewhere.

The ground still shook when the Beast unfurled himself standing to his full height. "But already, you've lived too long."

Connor climbed a mountain of crates and reached out for a hanging chain. Grabbing hold, he let the tinkling chain warn of his flight. Soaring through the air, he held out a knife. He pounced on the Beast plunging the knife deep in the place his second horn use to be.

The Beast roared and threw Connor to other side of the warehouse. Connor grabbed hold of another hanging chain before he hit the wall. Momentum swung him back toward the Beast. Again he pounced.

Having pulled out the knife, the Beast stabbed Connor as he mindlessly punched at his wound. Stabbed and bloody fisted, Connor watched as the Beast sunk his teeth into his arm. He met his eyes as he clawed at the dent in the Beast's head. He ground his teeth and pressed harder.

He screamed as teeth tore flesh when a great weight pushed them both to the side. Buffy fell from the sky and plunged something into the back of the Beast's head.

With Connor on his front and Buffy on his back, the Beast fell to his knees and the whole warehouse shook hard. He released his bite to roar and Connor fell off to cover both his ears.

Buffy used the rock stake to hold her steady. When the quaking subsided, she removed the stake from the Beast's head and pushed it deep into his back – so deep it could crack a stone heart.

He roared again and Connor wailed in pain.

The Beast's wounds glowed yellow. Watching them grow brighter and brighter, Buffy roared right back and pushed the stake in deeper and deeper.

Bright light consumed the Beast and shot into the sky.

She felt warm. The body of rock beneath her softened and crumbled. No cold floor for her; the ashes of freshly a killed foe cushioned her.

The room now full of light hurt both their eyes, but Buffy and Connor couldn't' stop looking at each other.

Slowly, Connor reached out his hand across the floor in her direction. Her arm already sprawled, she flexed her fingers towards him. They couldn't reach each other; they rested as close as they could get. Breaths that started out shallow and erratic slowly began to deepen and eventually even. Then with drooping eyes they watch each other's' breathing lessen and fade.

* * *

Gunn and Fred stood by the front door looking out.

She put her hand on the glass. "The world is glowing."

He watched her hand. "I want to say this ain't the end, that we should get ready for the next hit, but I can't help every part of me from breathing out for the first time in . . ."

Her lips showed the beginnings of a smile. "I should feel sick that we took Angel's soul for nothing. We did a terrible thing and –I should feel worried or guilty or anything but happy."

Slowly putting an arm around her, Gunn murmured, "But the world is glowing."

Fred started to cry. "It really is."


	23. Chapter 20: The New Monster

**Chapter 20: The New Monster**

Regardless of her burns and aches, she should do something now. Lying in remains watching him bleed out, Buffy thought very hard on what that something could be.

She snorted and coughed at her stupidity - thinking she could make hell a better place. She smelled blood and ash, and with every breath she took in less and less oxygen. They gave light back to these souls and something else took away the air.

What happens when people die here? Do they go somewhere worse or just disappear? She wondered if that was possible: to really not be anywhere, to not _be_ at all . . .

She forced her watering eyes to focus on the boy. She hoped he didn't go somewhere else. Even if she could never stop being, she hoped that this was his last life, his last death. His eyes stayed locked on her. He used his strength to keep hope in his eyes.

She should do something, but what? She couldn't feel her feet. She couldn't make them move. It would take a miracle to get them out of there and this – she coughed – this was not the place for miracles.

* * *

It wasn't until he heard the footsteps that Connor realized whom he hoped would find them. Connor's breathing grew more rapid.

"You two are as hard to find as the beast."

Hearing that voice, Connor's whole body relaxed.

A slap focused Connor's eyes back on Buffy. She'd struck the ground and flexed her fingers. He frowned and closed his eyes.

The footsteps stopped between them the same moment Connor felt it.

"Guess killing the Beast really does bring back the sun."

It was Angel's voice and body but neither would help them. With the burning in his hand came the knowledge that he was going to die and by his father's hand.

Angel used his foot to turn Buffy on her back. "You're both already so close to death, there's almost no point in hurrying it along." He pressed his foot down hard on her stomach and smiled at her moan. ". . . Almost."

Keeping his foot on her stomach, he closed his eyes and sniffed. "There's nothing like the smell of family." He looked at Connor's stab wound. "It's been two centuries since I've had a taste."

He lifted his foot and smiled at her labored breath. He made the sound of a kiss towards her. "You and I will have our own fun."

Connor watched him crouch beside him filling his vision. They'd won the big fight but they were still going to die. In his mind, he said goodbye to his friend.

Angel put his hand over the hand of Connor's that covered his wound. "It's a shame you grew up so fast son." His face morphed into his vampire visage. "You smelled better as a baby." He descended and pulled Connor's hair to expose his neck.

Then Angel screamed.

In all his centuries of existence, Angelus had never felt anything like this.

Seeing Buffy's hands on either side of his father's head, Connor knew what he had to do. With his free hand, he touched the demon's chest.

Angelus' scream became a howl.

The three hands went limp.

Angelus breathed heavily trying to restore his vision and hearing – trying to focus on the world.

When he did focus, he saw his son dying before him. He leaned forward and felt a warm weight slide off his back. Turning around, he saw Buffy dying too.

"Shit." He glanced back and form between them. Taking off his coat, he ripped off a sleeve and packed Connor's wound. He tucked the rest of the coat around Buffy.

As steady as he could, he lifted Connor onto his shoulder. Then, he cautiously lifted Buffy onto his other shoulder. He rose slowly balancing both the weights. When he was fully standing, he moved with haste.

The sun hung high in the sky, but Angelus did not heed it. Leaving the warehouse, he clung to the shadows and his unconscious passengers.

He ran through the city mumbling to himself. "This will wear off and when it does I will eat you both."

He dodged traffic and sunbeams and morphed his face at anyone who got in his way. "I'm going to eat you and kill you and I might not even bring you back. See? Whatever you did is wearing off already."

For miles he ran using his vampiric strength to hold them tight and keep from jostling them.

Reaching a hospital, he watched both his loads carried away in gurneys.

He'd sustained severe burns from his many close calls with the sun. Nurses tried to treat him without success. He kept them away with shouts to "fix _them_!"

He let security escort him to a waiting room where eventually a doctor found him. "Are you the man you brought in the young couple?"

Angelus eyed him darkly. "Are you here to tell me my wife and son are dead?"

The doctor shook her head. "Your son is in surgery. Besides blood loss, we're concerned about his affected organs, the spleen and right kidney. We're still trying to stabilize your wife. The recent burns to the front of her body show infection which makes sepsis likely. If we can't stabilize her and treat the bacteria, the sepsis puts her at risk for organ failure. I'm sorry. We'll know more soon."

He sat down. At some point the doctor walked away.

Everything inside Angelus became quiet.

Nothing to be done. Nowhere to go. No use thinking he wasn't supposed to need them to live.

He wasn't supposed to need them at all, but he did.

* * *

Angelus wandered the halls without destination.

He passed many rooms, some on quiet hallways. Closed eyes appealed to him. He drained patients in their sleep and continued on his way.

Eventually, he found himself passing the waiting room he'd started from him. A nurse stopped him. "The young man is out of surgery. They're both in the ICU if you'd like to see them now."

He quietly nodded and followed her to their beds.

The nurse left him by their unconscious sides.

Angel looked down at Connor. He looked at him for many minutes before walking away. He sat on the side of Buffy's bed furthest from him. His hand hovered over hers.

"What did you think would happen? Were you trying to kill me or restore my soul? Lover, you failed at both." He intertwined their fingers. "When will you learn you are powerless?"

He squeezed her hand hard, too hard – and gasped. She was doing it again-

He tried to drop her hand, but her muscles spasmed and tightened against his. He pulled back hard and then harder and finally pulled free.

Her eyes remained closed and he kept his distance.

* * *

The next night, Angelus returned to the ICU. He found an empty bed next to a sleeping Connor.

Glaring at the sight, he continued down the hall to begin the hunt.

With every step he pondered her motives, turning the corner towards the main entrance, his steps slowed suddenly.

He glanced around with a frown. Continuing on for several steps, he found his quarry behind a planter.

Sitting against the wall, she held onto the planter with one hand. Her closed eyes and flexing hand told him she was working herself up to standing again. Her faint, choppy breathing told him she wasn't standing on her own strength any time soon.

His frown deepened.

"Tsk, Tsk. Leaving Connor to fend me off himself. I expected better from the invincible slayer."

Her hand flexed and she pulled her body off the ground two inches. "Must find the monster." She added a second hand to the task. "must save-" another inch between her and the ground. "boy."

Angelus leaned over her. "Open your eyes Buf. The monster isn't hiding."

One of her hands lunged out at his coat and held on. "You've seen it? Where is the fire spreading?" She pulled herself up even higher so their noses almost touched. "Is he after the boy?"

He couldn't remember being this close to someone when he hadn't forced it. He looked right into her eyes.

With one hand he reach out and lifted her so she almost stood against the wall. Crowding her, he used his other hand to pin her arm. He slid his hand down and put pressure against her hand forcing her palm flat against the wall. "I am the only evil here."

She spread her fingers and closed her eyes again.

He watched her sense that truth. "You and my boy killed the Beast." Leaning closer, he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Now I am the only thing to fear."

He felt her weight sag and her head fall against his chest. He leaned his head against the wall and pressed hard –cracking the paint.

Finally, he put his arms around her and stepped away from the wall. He crouch to put one of his arms beneath her legs. Gently, he lifted her against him and turned around.

He marched back the way they'd come.


	24. Chapter 21: Awake

**Chapter 21: Awake**

When Angelus returned the next night, their beds were filled but not by them. According to a nurse, they'd snuck out hours ago and critical patients had to take their place.

She handed him their possessions since apparently, they left in nothing but their hospital gowns.

Growling, he tossed the bag of ashy clothes in the trash before dashing off to begin his hunt.

* * *

Buffy lay on the merry-go-round underneath a hospital blanket. Connor sat on the edge with a blanket of his own. He nudged the ground with his foot so the pair spun slowly. He stared at the ground while Buffy looked at the stars.

* * *

Angelus heard the creaking sound of the merry-go-round. From the tree line, he watched them spin.

Connor leaned back against the metal bar and closed his eyes. "Are you going to kill us or keep staring?"

He skulked towards them. "Miss me?"

Buffy nudged the ground with her foot and murmured, "I miss everyone."

Grabbing one of the bars, Angelus stopped their circular journey.

She turned her head towards him. "We'll become like you won't we? Eventually . . ."

Releasing the bar, he stepped closer to her.

Connor watched him. "She finally wants to make music and no one's listening."

Angelus crouched before her. Not sensing any rise in heartrate, he frowned.

She sighed and blinked sleepily.

He tilted his head. "We heard her."

Connor's eyes narrowed.

"Son, I will always know more of her than you do. Cordelia can be yours, but I claimed this one long ago."

When Angelus looked back at her, he realized she wasn't looking at him anymore; she focused on something behind him. He stood and a growl started in his chest as he turned.

Two vampires walked out of the tree line drawn by his family's open wounds.

His face morphed.

His fingers twitched as he stepped forward.

He saw only two, but in a few minutes, two could become a dozen. LA's sunless days drew vampires from all over the world; most weren't in a hurry to leave.

He'd always enjoyed an uneven brawl, but with an openly bleeding slayer behind him, he needed this over fast.

He strode over and before they could speak, his hands were around their throats pushing them backwards. They grabbed at his arms and he shoved both vampires to the ground. He kicked one in the ribs and stomped on the other one's face. He turned back to the other and dragged him by the arm to the swing set.

Pulling on a swing, he broke a chain off from the metal bar overhead. The vampire scrambled out of reach. Angelus freed the other end of the chain from the swing and whipped the chain across the vampire's back. Another whip and the vampire was flat on the ground. Standing over him, Angelus bent to loop the chain around his neck. The vampire scratched at it desperately. Angelus looped the ends of the chain in either hand and pulled choking the vamp. He continue to pull until chain broke skin. He pulled harder and harder while the vampire gurgled and sputtered. With one more yank, Angelus decapitated the vamp.

Angelus dropped the chain from one hand and stood from cloud of dust.

The other vampire still lay on the ground with his face stomped in.

The chain dragging behind him as Angelus approached.

Be stopped near the main play set. Dropping the chain, he ripped off a play steering wheel from the plastic wall.

He strolled over to the vampire, crouched behind him, and slammed the edge of the wheel into his neck. He had to bring the wheel down two more times before he earned the vampire's dust.

Angelus stood slowly and scanned the park.

When he returned to the merry-go-round, he found Connor staring at him. His son swallowed but didn't speak. He looked nervous; Buffy didn't.

Her gaze lay on the street across the park's grass.

She sat up and started to stand leaving the blanket behind. Connor did the same.

Angelus tossed the play wheel aside. "This isn't hell Buf, and you're not dead."

Their eyes met.

"Your red-headed witch dragged you out of heaven by the short and curlies -didn't even spare a thought for digging ya up." He chuckled. "Oh, they want you to keep saving the world; they just never want to see you again. And aren't you an accommodating lass. . ."

Glancing away, she scanned the park.

He stepped forward and regained her attention. He lowered his voice. "Lover, if I killed you right now, no one but the boy would ever think of you again."

Connor stiffened and moved to her side.

Angelus smiled. "Now that he's known Cordy's special kiss, even he's forgetting you."

Connor stilled. "Buffy—"

Buffy merely blinked.

Angelus leaned in. "Or do you need me to bite you to hear me?"

After a moment of silence, she held out her hand to Angelus. "We're going home, coming?"

* * *

Buffy paused outside the Hyperion's front gate. Still holding his hand, she looked up at the old structure. "Did you kill them?"

Angelus smirked. "Only one."

She nodded and continued forward.

Connor stood on her other side. He murmured, "Was it Cordy?"

Angelus met his eyes. "Don't spoil my surprise."

She reached out for Connor's hand and intertwined their fingers.

With his other hand, he opened the front door and the three of them stepped inside.

The lobby was empty.

Together they walked to the stairs and ascended.

Hearing nothing, Connor frowned. "Doesn't sound like only one."

Angelus nodded to himself. "Maybe it was only one who survived. Hard to keep track."

Buffy squeezed Connor's hand. "You won't be able to sleep until you see their bodies."

Connor took a deep breath and released her hand. He turned back towards the stairs while Buffy and Angelus continued down the hall.

He followed her lead with a faint smile.

She opened the door to his bedroom and walked to his bathroom's threshold. "Will you let me wrap your hands?"

He frowned and glanced at his free hand. There was a deep cut across his palm from wielding the chain. He realized that was why Buffy held his hand so loosely; the hand she held had an identical cut.

He nodded and let her lead him inside and sit him against the counter.

After she gathered supplies from the cabinet, she stood before him and turned over his hands. For a moment she just looked at them. She caressed his wrists with her thumbs.

He watched her clean his cuts. He passed the time cataloging her every detail.

He took in the choppy ends of her now shoulder length hair, the thin hospital gown as well as her fading burn marks. At this rate, she'd be completely healed in a week.

After applying ointment, she carefully wrapped bandages around his hands. She taped the ends down and slowly returned his hands to his sides. She kept her head down.

Angelus pushed his hands forward grabbing her hips and pulling her against him. Her eyes flew to his and he leaned down and kissed her.

Her hands grasped his arms before climbing to his neck.

Instead of fighting him, she kissed him back hungrily.

Opening the back of her hospital gown, he felt her tongue against his.

Her smooth back beneath his hands combined with the feel of her hands in his hair pushed him to kiss her harder. She pulled his hair and kissed him with equal force.

He lifted and turned her so she sat on the counter while he stood between her legs. She pulled on his shirt so the buttons popped off and pushed it off his shoulders. He used the moment of distance to pull his wife-beater over his head.

She unfastened his belt and he pushed aside his pants before removing her gown.

Her breasts against his chest, Buffy gently caressed his face. When his eyes met her, she whispered, "You're always just out of reach."

Tightening his grip on her hips, he pulled her against him,

His face morphed as he pushed into her.

She cried out as his teeth punctured her neck.

A drop of blood dripped down her back.


	25. Chapter 22: Meaningful Moments

**Chapter 22: Meaningful Moments**

When it ended, the tension left them both.

Angelus leaned one arm against the wall behind the counter and used the other to hold her close.

She loosely embraced him with both arms and tried to catch her breath.

Hearing her breathing even, he leaned back just enough to look at her.

Her neck oozed blood and her whole body trembled.

He spotted the fresh shirt hanging on the bathroom door. He reached for it and wrapped it around her shoulders.

Her teeth began to chatter.

Pulling out of her, he moved an arm under her legs and the other behind her back. He nudged the door open with his foot and carried her to the bedroom.

After laying her on the bed, he wrapped her in a blanket and patted down her hair. When some of the strands stuck to her wound, she hissed and his eyes narrowed.

* * *

Wesley's breathing became shallow. Another moment loomed - one between realities. There is a moment before tragedy and the moment of tragedy and between them is infinite experience. One feels every body part and everything around to the smallest detail: the dripping faucet, the dance paper makes as it floats to the ground, the number of wrinkles in a rug. It's the closest humans come to experiencing omniscience.

Wesley had already experienced several of those moments today. He didn't know if he could survive another.

He nudged the broken Muo-Ping with his foot. It lay a few feet away from the gutted monk.

At the top of the basement's stairs, Connor stood holding the door open. "They're coming . . . so is he, I think."

"Of course." Wes crushed a shard beneath his shoe before turning towards the boy. He heard the group enter the lobby as he climbed the stairs.

Connor let out a big breath and moved to meet them. "He said – I thought, but I wasn't sure . . ."

"I'm fine Connor."

Wesley reached the lobby and found Fred leaning between Gunn and Cordelia. Fred's forehead was bandaged and her throat displayed darkening, thick bruises.

"I don't recall ordering takeout."

The group's attention flew to the kitchen door Angelus exited.

Cordy rolled her eyes. "Seriously, there's no one better in this city to torment?"

"Apparently, this rusted rubble is my home." He swirled the content of his mug.

Connor mumbled, "Buffy brought him here."

"You mean she didn't try to stake his ass?" Gunn huffed. "This is a new level of crazy – even for her."

Fred whimpered as they sat her down on the settee.

Wesley scowled. "And where is the slayer . . . . Angelus?"

"If I knew we'd be having guests, I would have saved my appetite."

Connor's eyes widened.

Fred croaked, "You ate her."

Gunn looked down at her. "You surprised?"

Connor shook his head. "She's not dead."

"You keep telling yourself that."

Cordy stepped forward. "What do you want Angelus?"

"Right now I want to make sure no one tries to return that pesky soul to me."

Wesley nodded. "So you're here to kill us then."

He smiled wide. "How else could I be sure?"

Gunn shrugged. "This is why I voted to skip town."

Connor headed towards the stairs.

"Connor." Cordelia started after him.

He paused when Angelus headed towards him. "Have you already forgotten? The little one is mine."

Connor's frown deepened. "Then take better care of her." He continued past him up the stairs.

Angelus stared at his coffee mug. "What do you say lover?"

Buffy walked up behind him finishing a piece of toast. She took the mug from him and sipped.

Gunn grimaced. "That is all kinds of wrong."

Fred coughed. "Vampire."

Wesley tightened his grip on the stake.

Connor walked over and peaked in the mug.

Everyone held their breath for what Angelus would do to him.

Connor sniffed, straightened and looked Angelus in the eye. "You fed her."

Wesley started inching towards the weapons case.

Gunn followed.

"She was hungry."

Their staring contest was interrupted by the mug being hurled across the room and shattering against the weapons case.

Both Wesley and Gunn froze.

Angelus smirked at Buffy's throw. "Ain't that sweet."

Cordelia ran a trembling hand through her hair. "A crazy slayer protecting a crazy vampire – perfect."

Inspecting the broken cup remains, Wes murmured, "Orange juice."

"Let them return your fear of leave."

"His what?" Gunn guffawed. "That's what she thinks he's missing?"

Connor nodded. "Fear I understand." He looked at his father. "You are stronger without it."

Angelus raised a brow. "Glad we agree that Angel is a coward."

Buffy reached for his hand and watched their finger intertwine. "Everything is possible for you right now . . . but not this – not here."

"And why is that?"

Angelus' response sounded deceptively neutral to Wes. He thought he saw her lips began to smile.

"You were ready to lose yourself. Are you ready to lose me? Because I'm not . . . not yet."

Angelus loomed over her. "I can be patient."

The whole room saw her smile then. "No you can't."

Gunn's brows flew up. "She's teasing the serial killer."

Fred squeezed his hand nervously and ran her fingers over her neck.

Buffy held his gaze. "I'm not asking you to stay."

Angelus read every detail of her expression. "You want me to leave."

Gunn grumbled. "She's not the only one."

She shook her head slightly. "I want your strength, but I need you to be free."

Turning toward her, he took her other hand in his. "I could make you free."

She stepped into him pushing her hands up through his so they caressed both sides of his face. Full of smiles, she pulled him down for a laughing kiss. Her laughter faded in gentleness and thick emotion. When she pulled back from the kiss, he saw tears in her eyes.

She whispered, "I wish you could."

Grabbing her wrists hard, he yanked her up against him growling.

She didn't flinch, even when his face morphed and came nose to nose with hers.

In a clear voice that echoed through the lobby, she asked, "Will you be afraid with me?"

With a roar, he pushed her across the room. Connor sprinted to her side.

Struggling for breath, she started to sit up. Connor helped her the rest of the way.

She looked up at Angelus. "Then you need to leave."

He growled and the whole room stilled. He looked ready to maul someone – anyone.

Connor helped her to stand.

Angelus stalked towards them. "I choose now."

In an instant, Connor was on the floor and Buffy was hauled up against Angelus' chest.

And in the time it took for Fred to gasp, everything changed.

With her back against his chest, Buffy covered his hands with hers.

He shouted and fell to his knees taking her down with him.

Turning in his arms, she locked eyes and cradled his face in her hands.

He shouted louder and started to wheeze. They toppled to their sides.

Buffy crawled to her feet and stood shakily.

She looked at Angelus lying still on the ground.

Gunn swopped up Fred into his arms and stepped closer to Wes. "Did she kill him?"

He shrugged. "I-

Buffy spoke in that clear voice that cut the air. "Whoever has his fear should return it now."

Wesley nodded. "We need to get him in the cage. I'll gather the supplies."

Gunn leaved Fred against Cordelia and together Wesley, Gunn and Connor dragged the unconscious Angelus to the basement.

* * *

Fred held a cold compress to her neck while Cordy strained a pot of noodles and Lorne stirred the sauce.

Fred looked at the closed kitchen door. "I was never that strong."

Cordy nodded. "That's what being born with super powers will do for ya'."

She turned over the compress. "I really was trapped in a hell dimension – or at least hell-ish."

Lorne made a low whistle. "Pylea counts dumplin'."

"She traveled: Sunnydale, LA, who knows where else . . . if it wasn't for you folks, I'd still be in that cave."

Lorne nodded "Goldfinch being hard to find had more to do with moving than hiding."

"And she risks her life to save things that to her, maybe aren't worth saving."

Cordelia shrugged. "That's what she does; lost causes are her specialty."

Fred put aside the ice pack. "I bet you could put her in any dimension and she'd be okay."

Gunn walked in. "Who, Blondie?"

Cordy straightened. "Is he . . . .?"

"Leave it to Wesley to have a backup monk." He shook his head. "A monk doing gypsy curses – guess mojo is mojo."

"I'm going to go check on him."

Gunn watched her walk out. "Anyone think she's more worried now than when he was soulless?"

Lorne sighed. "The heart can play the oddest tricks."


	26. Chapter 23: Time of Hurt

**Chapter 23: Time of Hurt**

"Angel?" From the basement stairs, Cordelia peered into the open cage.

Buffy and Connor sat against the wall leaning against each other.

Wesley nodded at Cordelia. "He's him again."

Angel stood up but didn't leave the cage. "I don't know what to say."

She made a small smile. "The beast is dead, the world is saved – just maybe next time, we skip you losing your soul."

He sighed. "That sounds good."

Wesley look at the pair on the floor.

Angel and Cordelia followed his gaze.

For the first time that evening, they took in their appearance. Connor still wore his hospital gown while Buffy sat barely covered by Angel's shirt. Burns, cuts, and bruises shown on every part of them. If they stood on their own it would be a miracle.

Angel took a deep breath before approaching. He crouched many feet away.

Connor regarded him neutrally but Buffy's attention could not be won. Leaning against Connor, she stared at the ground unresponsive.

Angel was still processing Angelus' memories. Sitting across from the two people closest to him, he wasn't sure how Angelus felt about them or what they felt about Angelus.

He'd expected them to hate each other – even fear each other. Angelus tried to kill them but neither seemed to mind that. To a large extent, Connor took his emotional cues from Buffy. And Buffy . . . not even Angelus could make sense of her. His demon had lifetimes of experience with madness, but Buffy wasn't mad. She was complicated and suffering and still the person who saw him most clearly.

"I. . . ." Angel looked between the two of them. "Thank you."

Nothing changed, but Angel finally noticed what was right in front of him. "Wesley, we should get him upstairs. His stitches-." He took in the amount of blood seeping from Connor's side into Buffy's shirt. "He needs to go back to the hospital."

Cordelia stepped back. "I'll bring the car around."

Nodding, Wesley kneeled by the boy. "In my hurry to complete the spell, I didn't notice." He put his hand between the pair to separate them. He saw Buffy's hands were covered in blood. She'd been applying pressure since they sat down. That's why she leaned against him.

Wesley replaced her hands with his. "We'll take care of him."

As Angel and Wesley lifted him up, Connor's head lolled between them.

Agreement flowed between the two men and they hastened up the stairs with him.

Angel glanced back. "Buffy."

She sat with blood-covered hands in her lap staring at the cage.

Wesley didn't look back. "The others will stay with her."

Angel pulled his eyes away and carried his son out of the basement.

* * *

Cordelia sat in the back seat with Connor's head in her lap as they sped to the hospital. "Why wouldn't she say anything? If she knew he was hurt this bad . . ."

Angel kept his eyes on the road.

Wesley looked at them through the rearview mirror. "She's the only one who checked on him after Angelus tossed him across the room. The constant pressure she applied helped his body start to clot. He's alive now because of her."

By now Connor had lost consciousness. Her eyes shimmered with tears. "If she didn't – he – he could have told someone – he could have told me."

"I don't know why they stayed quiet." He glanced at Angel. "I don't think we'll ever understand."

Angel nodded. "We don't need to."

* * *

With Buffy seated on the settee, Gunn pushed the bottom of her shirt up. His hand froze and retreated. He called to Fred. "This is definitely a female job."

With a puzzled frown, she set down the first aid kit and took his place. Quickly, she discovered what he had. She blushed. "I'll get her some underthings and pants." Her hands fluttered back to her side. "Pants are good."

Lorne stepped forward as Fred stepped back. "While she gets your fashion sorted, how about some cheesey bit of heaven?" He handed her a bowl of angel hair with alfredo sauce.

Buffy looked into it but didn't touch the fork stuck in it.

"Nothing wrong with letting it cool."

No response.

Gunn raised his brows at Lorne.

In response, Lorne lowered his. "Also nothing wrong with not wanting to be stared at."

"Yeah, cuz this chick is the sensitive type."

Lorne waved him off. "Shoo with you." He turned back to Buffy who still hadn't moved. "Sunshine, don't you worry 'bout a thing. We'll let you be for a few then we'll get you fixed up."

Shruggin, Gunn looked at the basement. "In the mood to burry a monk?"

"I though his order would come for him. Aren't there rules to this?"

Gunn started towards the basement. "Maybe we can wrap him up or put him on ice or something. That boy is ripe."

Lorne followed him down. "Ever wonder why Angel doesn't smell? I mean technically. . ."

Buffy heard their chatter fade as the door closed behind them and they descended the steps. She picked up her fork and poked at the noodles.

She looked at Angel's office door then down to her noodles. She looked at his office then glanced at the basement door before setting down her bowl.

Carefully, she stood and walked to his office. After scanning his desk, she approached it. She picked up the cell phone and walked to a corner of the office out of view from the doorway.

Crouching down, she flipped open the phone and scrolled through the contacts.

Finding a likely name, she pressed "call." She rocked slowly back and forth as it rang.

"This better be bloody good you git."

She closed her eyes.

"You got your LA sun back so the world can't be that buggered."

She squeezed the phone tight enough it creaked.

"Out with it peaches. You either got a big bad or big news . . . . Or, is this one of the mini-poofters calling to tell me that – ah, bloody hell."

The line was so silent so long Buffy opened her eyes.

Finally, he sighed. "Raining fire is never good."

"I-" She started to speak but her voice caught. She swallowed and tried again. "Will?"

"Is this the prom queen playing all coy with me?"

"I-" She had to swallow again. "Is she still alive?"

"Who? The slayer? Probably, but I wager the hellmouth still outpaces you lot in apocalypses. Don't think she's free to fill those shoes."

She squeezed her eyes shut. "I don't know how long it's been. You live forever so it could be centuries, but Dawn – is she?. . ."

He hissed, "Who is this?"

"I remember going to the house and everything was different. It wasn't ours anymore. Where did you go?"

"If this is some demon or psychic, you won't get a thing from me."

"And, what if-what if it's me? I'm tired of being lost. I-I want to come home."

"Buffy- . . . . I can't give you what you want. I can't give you anything because you aren't her. She's gone."

"How long? Please"

He stayed silent. After a moment and a sigh, he answered "456 days today, and it will be 457 days tomorrow."

"So she's still a teenager. She has a whole life ahead of her." Tears fell freely as her mouth formed a wobbly grin.

"Is someone channeling you? Is that what's happening right now?

"Sometimes I think I dreamed you. I made up that I ever had a family." She keened. "I can't remember what you look like – I couldn't even remember what you sounded like."

"Love, when you look around, what do you see?"

She nodded to herself. "I don't think I made us up. I think you're real."

"I'm real love. I just don't know if you are."

She chuckled on a hiccup. "Me neither."

"Buffy."

She put a hand over her face and huddled into herself. "Someday, I'm going to see you again. I'll find my way. Promise."

Silence loomed.

"If any part of this is Buffy, I'm here love, forever. I'm not going anywhere."

She sobbed then. She didn't know how long, but he stayed on the line with her as she sobbed and moaned and rocked and . . . re-learned how to breathe. She leaned against the wall and let herself even-out.

He sniffed and gave away he'd been crying too. "I made a promise to a lady. I swear I'll keep it even if it ruins me. I keep it every day Buffy. Every day."

"Hug her for me. Hug her so tight."

He didn't reply and she realized he wasn't going to speak again.

Whatever this was – this time with him – it was over now. Still huddled, she pulled the phone from her ear and smashed it against the wall. The pieces trickled to the ground. She punched the wall once – then again. She banged her head against the wall and let out one guttural shout that left her prone on the floor.

That is how Fred found her. Startled, Fred dropped the clothes she'd brought. "Buffy." Kneeling a couple feet away, she let her hand hover above her wary of making contact. "The worst is over; it's okay to cry now. It's okay to let the hurt out."


	27. Chapter 24: Women get Pregnant

**Chapter 24: Women get Pregnant**

Sitting by Connor's hospital bed, Cordelia looked up at Angel. "Could we have a moment alone?"

He clenched his jaw and nodded.

Cordelia waited until she could no longer hear his footsteps. She took Connor's hand in hers. "There's something I have to tell you. There hasn't been a good time, but you should know."

Connor squeezed her hand.

"We made something amazing together." She guided his hand to her stomach. "It's growing fast but of course our baby would be special – just like us."

With wide eyes, he stared at his hand resting on her belly. "I'm going to be a father."

She placed both of her hand over his. "You already are."

* * *

Fred sat next to Buffy in the garden. The sky was still dark and the ground was cold, but Buffy seemed to like it there. In clean clothes with a half-eaten bowl of noodles, she looked calmer.

At some point, Fred had put her arm around her. Buffy hadn't leaned into her, but she'd looked at her and Fred felt a connection. In her eyes, she saw a thank you as clear as words. She also saw an ocean of pain.

They heard the front door open and voices rise to greet them.

"The others must be back from the hospital." Still half-embracing her, Fred rubbed Buffy's arm. "Do you want to say hi to Connor, or maybe wait a little?"

Buffy turned and looked into her eyes and then at her neck. "The medicine dried. You should put more on so it doesn't burn."

Fred squeezed her a little closer. "Let's go see how Connor is doing."

Together, they walked into the lobby.

Buffy blinked rapidly as her eyes adjusted from the garden's darkness to the hotel's lights.

Angel did not smile when he saw her. Neither did Connor.

The whole team stood in the lobby, but no one said anything.

Finally, Gunn suggested, "We've got two evil sensors here, I say we use them."

Fred frowned. "On who?"

Angel turned to Cordy. "Will you sing for him?"

"Cordy?"

"I'm pregnant. It surprised me too, but it happens. Women get pregnant. It doesn't mean I need my aura read or its future told."

"Who's the-" Fred trailed off observing the nonverbal exchange between Angel and Connor. "Oh."

Cordy took off her sweater revealing her very pregnant belly.

Lorne stepped forward. "It doesn't hurt to check on him. You're got to admit he's growing pretty quickly."

Wesley's voice stayed neutral. "The last time Cordelia conceived, she came to term overnight."

Connor reached his hand towards her stomach. "It's a boy?"

Cordelia covered his hand with hers. "We'll know soon enough." She turned to the room. "I know this all happened fast, but I'm connected to this child. I feel its goodness – its love. After the beast and Angelus – this is new and big, but it's good news."

Gunn looked at Connor. "You saying you won't let Buffy do her thing?"

Everyone looked at Buffy who stood in Fred's half-embrace.

Cordelia touched Connor's arm. "I need you to trust me. Our child is inside me and I know everything is going to be okay. I can feel it."

Connor's eyes stayed locked on Buffy. "I'm a father now."

Gunn glared at Cordelia's stomach. "The father of what is the question."

Connor held Buffy's gaze. "It's my job to protect it and take care of it no matter what, right?"

Fred looked at her side. "Buffy."

She didn't reply but her eyes didn't stray from Connor's.

Fred looked back at the room. "Connor is good and Cordelia is good so their child couldn't be evil right? It might not be human, but it couldn't be. . . "

Angel stepped further into the room. "Only one way to know for sure. Someone needs to read what's growing inside." He glanced in Cordelia's direction. "Your pick."

Cordy hung on to Connor's hand as he leaned towards Buffy.

He couldn't look away. "I don't know what to do."

Fred let her arm fall away from Buffy and stepped closer to Gunn.

Buffy didn't move. "Are you ready to lose your fear?"

Connor stilled.

"What's she going on about?"

Wesley tried to step in her line of sight. "Will you read the woman with child?"

Angel looked at Cordelia. "Buffy or Lorne – choose."

Connor squeezed Cordelia's hand tightly. "No." He still hadn't looked at anyone but Buffy. "No!"

Buffy simply turned and carefully made her way to the staircase.

Connor stepped forward taking Cordy with him. "You can't leave me with this."

Cordelia tried to pat him on the shoulder. "It's okay Connor. It's okay."

The room watched him ignore Cordy completely.

"You can't!" He stared at Buffy's back. "How do I do this alone? How do I save her?!"

Fred whispered at Gunn and Wes. "Who's he talking about?"

Buffy paused on the steps and glanced back. "You don't." Seeing his scowl and rising tears, she looked away. Her eyes found Wesley. "I need to rest, but when I wake up, can we talk?"

His eyes widened. "Of course Buffy."

She nodded and disappeared up the stairs.

Fred looked back at Connor. "Maybe you should rest too."

Cordy caressed his arm. "We've all had a big day. We can start sorting this things out tomorrow."

Angel watched a tear fall down his son's face. He nodded and walked up the stairs leaving Connor on his own.

The lobby echoed with steps as the group dispersed. Angel didn't ask where anyone was going. He didn't even glance back.

At the top of the stairs, he slowed. He moseyed through the hall finding himself outside her door. He paused. Sensing her inside, some of the tension left him.

He lifted his hand and slid it down the face of the door and more tension fell away.

His soul was back, the Beast was dead, the world was okay . . . and even if his heart was breaking, she was still here. Whatever happened, he'd be alright as long as she was near.

* * *

The sun rose on a sleeping hotel. The adrenaline flooding their system for weeks had finally shut off leaving everyone feeling boneless.

Only two rose when the sun did. Wesley walked into the kitchen and found Buffy tinkering with the coffee pot. "Might I assist?"

Slumped forward and closed her eyes. "I found beans, I got them inside –water too, but I can't make it turn on."

Wesley's surprise kept him silent. She hadn't said so many words to him since Sunnydale.

"I liked coffee."

Shaking himself he gestured, "There's a switch on the side – towards the base."

She followed his gaze and nodded. When she pushed the switch, a red light came on. "Thank you."

Warily, they leaned back against opposite counters waiting for the coffee to perk. They kept their eyes on the ground.

Using his peripheral vision, Wes tried cataloging the changes in her. The way she stood, the way she breathed – it didn't seem foreign anymore. He could actually read what she was feeling – nervous and uncomfortable – like he could anyone else. She wasn't in her own world. For now, she was in his. He sensed it, but he couldn't account for it.

A noise outside the kitchen's backdoor interrupted his thoughts. "Sounds like a skirmish." Sure enough a crash sounded from outside.

Glancing at the door, she smiled sadly. "Between a raccoon and a garbage can."

Wes frowned, "We have a raccoon?"

"A fat one."

"I supposed this city really does have everything."

She continued staring at the ground.

Forsaking peripheral scanning, he looked at her full on. "You'll tell us if you need to go back to the hospital, won't you?"

She shrugged, "Probably not, but I don't." She sighed, "My body heals quicker than his."

"Connor's?"

She gestured at the filling coffee pot. "That should be enough."

"Indeed." Wes brought over two much from the cabinet.

She hopped up to sit on the counter with her coffee.

He leaned against the counter across from her with his. "There was something you wanted to discuss?"

She stared at the steam floating off the dark liquid. "Mmm." She took a sip. Even though it burned, it made her eyes crinkle with pleasure. She held the mug with both hands. "Can you find someone who can do powerful magic . . . today?"

Wesley sipped his coffee. "What kind of spell did you have in mind?"

She set down her coffee cup on the counter. "We're going to take whatever is growing inside her and put it in me."

He sputtered, "You want to carry Connor's child."

"It's not a child." Her finger flexed against the edge of the counter. "And it's not theirs. It's something else."

"You sensed that from across the room?"

She nodded. "It's too strong to destroy without killing her too."

"And if we managed to house it in you, we'd be faced with the same issue."

She smirked softy. "I'm stronger."

"Than Cordelia, perhaps. But are you stronger than what's inside her?"

Her gaze pierced him. "You unleashed a monster to find a demon. You can kill a girl to save your friend."

"So you _don't _expect to survive this plan."

"She doesn't have time for us to come up with another one. If there is any part of her still inside, we need to pull the darkness out now." She shook her head. "Even after, she might not be her."

"Are you saying this thing is changing her – possessing her?"

"When I left she was harmless; I came back and she wasn't." She frowned at the floor. "This thing is different – thicker. It's not what changed her, but it will erase her."

"What did you sense?"

She met his eyes. "The same thing he does."

"Lorne didn't read her."

Her gaze remained steady.

Wesley set his mug down too. "Connor can't do what you can. He's not as - gifted as you are."

Her expression didn't change.

"It's your understanding that Connor has an ability none of us knew about, that Cordelia changed in a way none of us noticed and the only way to save her is to steal and destroy the being inside her."

She nodded slowly.

"And you think I'll go along with this, do you?"

He silence was her answer.

"Why?"

"You're broken."

His eyes widened slightly as his stomach dropped. "Enough to risk murdering an innocent child?"

She picked up her coffee and leaned her head back against a cupboard. She blinked in time with her breathing. "Her life means nothing me and honestly, neither does mine." She took a long drink of the cooling liquid. "For my life to matter again, I'll need to leave and find the people I matter to."

His expression softened. "Buffy."

"But he needs to be okay before I go."

"Your idea could very well make things worse."

She smiled over the rim of the mug. "If it kills me and I go to a real hell dimension, that would be worse." She seemed to look through him. "I'm willing to risk it."

His gaze grew distant too. "They might never trust me after this."

After a moment, he picked up his mug, stared at its contents, and took a sip.

Besides occasional deep breaths, they finished their coffee in silence.


	28. Chapter 25: Dare too Far

**Chapter 25: Dare too Far**

When Connor awoke, his chest felt heavy. Cordelia had wanted to share a bed, but she hadn't stayed in it.

His body hurt, he was alone, and thinking about Cordy brought sweat to his brow and pain to his stomach. He'd already lost her once. He couldn't lose her again. Even if, in some ways . . .

Gingerly, he sat up and felt around his stitches. When his fingers didn't come back bloody, he tried standing. He dressed carefully and made his way into the hall. Standing outside her door, he took a deep breath before entering.

"Buffy?"

He noticed the sheets and pillows were twisted and bunched. Apparently, she'd had trouble sleeping too.

He returned to the hall closing the door behind him.

Walking towards the stairs, he listened for noises or voices. When he found the lobby empty, he opened the basement door and saw it was empty too.

Just the walk from his room to this door sapped his strength. He started to sit on the coach when he thought he heard a sound.

Limping past the front desk, he saw Angel's office door was open. He pushed it wider and found Angel at his desk surrounded by books and papers. Fred sat on the other side with her laptop.

Gunn walked in behind him carrying mugs. "Blood and coffee: breakfast of champions."

Watching Gunn distribute the cups, Connor frowned. "Where are the others?"

Angel didn't look up from the book before him. "While we are reviewing all the research from Darla's pregnancy, Wesley thinks he knows a way to temporarily heighten psychic ability. Lorne and Buffy went with him. When they return, they should be able to read Cordelia at a distance."

Gunn took a seat next to Fred. "And who the hell knows where baby mamma is." He grabbed a book off the floor.

Connor spotted a drawing amongst the research. It was nearly covered and hanging on a corner of the desk. Stepping closer, he pulled it towards him.

It was a charcoal sketch of a young woman. She had light hair, closed eyes, and a soft smile. In the corner was written "Darla."

"She didn't survive having me."

Angel looked up from his research and regarded his son. "When she carried you, she shared your soul. In the end, she didn't want to live without it. What happened to her is different than what's happening to Cordy."

Other pictures on the desk caught Connor's eyes. They were pictures of infant demons – some covered in spikes and ridges. "She might not live through this."

No one replied.

His hand hovered over the words and pictures piled closest to him. "When will she return?"

Gunn shook his head. "Have to know the where and why before we go guessin' a when."

Angel watched his son's vacant stare. "You're asking about Buffy. Wesley's note said they might be back tomorrow but not to worry if they're not. Whatever they're doing could take a while."

Fred expression scrunched with sympathy. "Maybe you can catch up on your rest. Defeating the Beast and facing Angelus – that's a lot for one week, for one lifetime."

He pulled over a chair from the corner and grabbed a thick book from the pile. "I'll rest when she gets back."

Angel opened his mouth to say something but slowly closed it. His son was about to dive into some disturbing material but this was his offspring he was seeking to understand; this was his life and he had a right to know the possibilities . . . no matter how horrifying.

* * *

Lilah blocked the office door. "Remind me why I'm helping you."

Wesley regarded her with flat, passive eyes. "Because you love to see heroes fall. I'm about to steal a child and probably kill a young woman in the process. Plus, my team did just destroy the Beast allowing you to enjoy the view from the top office."

She tilted her head. "Beasty did help clear the competition."

Lorne raised his hand. "For the record, I don't support this plan and I don't trust her."

Wes smiled as Lilah. "Neither do I which is why you're here. If you sense a double-cross, I'll kill her."

She patted his cheek. "Such a sweet talker." She glanced at Lorne and the girl. "I have someone who can do what you need, but it won't be cheap."

Wes shook his head. "On the contrary, it will be free. Everything will be free until one of us dies." He stepped closer. "I gave you your life and you know someday you may need me to do it again." He caressed her hair. "You're in my debt now."

She reach up to dig her nails into his hand. "This won't last long."

"Long enough." He pushed past her into the office conference room. A dark cloth covered the table and all the chairs had been pushed back.

Lorne and Buffy followed behind him. A very tall, delicate-looking woman stepped out from the shadows. Her long black hair floated just a bit at the ends – as if she was not entirely subject to gravity.

She looked at Buffy. "Is this the one? The one who wishes to scrape out another's womb to fill her own."

Buffy stepped forward. "I want you to empty her of every being she holds. Can you do this?"

When the woman smirked, both her teeth and eyes started to glow a bright blue. "Lie down my love."

Lorne grabbed Buffy's arm. "Lilah might not be backstabbing us at the moment, but I can't say the same for this one. Deceit and malice drip off her – even without singing a word."

Wesley grumbled. "Lilah."

"You wanted someone who could do the impossible. Jairen can move beings between dimensions; she could certainly move a fetus between women."

Buffy climbed on the desk and lay back. She looked up into glowing eyes. "You like that we're asking this of you."

The strands of her hair reach out to caress Buffy's face and arms. "I like those who dare too far – they have the prettiest deaths; yours will coat these walls."

Lorne shivered. "You sure the big guys signed off on this?"

Wesley's whole body remained firm and still as granite. "He really didn't."

As Lorne gaped at Wes. Jairen blew a cloud of blue, sparkling mist over Buffy. It made her whole body limp.

* * *

"Where do you think she is?" Fred rested her feet on Gunn's lap as the others stretched and refueled.

He rubbed his eyes. "Apartment hunting? I don't know. It's Cordy but it's not. None of us know what's in her head anymore."

Fred looked at the open office door and lowered her voice. "I didn't notice it, them becoming coupley. I don't even get how that could happen. I mean he's Angel's son and she and Angel almost, I mean they were kinda . . ."

Gunn shrugged. "Don't think we were supposed to notice it. When people pull the crazy, they usually play it cool after."

Her eyes flickered to his downcast face. "Stones, glass houses. . . guess I still take the crazy cake."

He frowned at her. "He pushed you out of our world. I get wanting revenge. I just didn't get you actually taking it. You're the best person I know."

"I'm sorry Charles." She shook her head. "I don't know what I would have done differently, but I hate what happened. . . I hate that you murdered for me."

"Guess we're all capable of shitty surprises."

She looked at Connor's chair. "I guess we are."

* * *

Buffy groaned with her legs spread. With the others leaned against the wall.

Lilah crossed her arms. "It's like contractions but in reverse – pulling the thing in."

Lorne swallowed. "This actually isn't that." He watched Jairen sing beside Buffy. "Those lyrics – she's singing about making room –'a cavern for stars'."

Buffy screamed.

"This is still the pre-show."

Lilah nodded. "So still time for popcorn."

Wesley didn't look at her. "Time enough for an eight course meal. There's such a thing as accelerated pregnancy, but not even magic can make an instant one."

Buffy screamed again.

"So we gotta listen to her holler for hours?"

Wesley bit the inside of his mouth. "The quickest pregnancy I've witnessed took a full day. She might actually have several days of this ahead of her."

They watched Buffy grunt and writhe on the table.

Lorne started to sweat. "I think I'm feeling sick."

Lilah pointed at a wastebasket. "If Jairen can do this without staining the carpet, then so can you."

Wesley watched Buffy scratch and lift her shirt revealing movement beneath the skin of her abdomen. He swallowed back the taste of bile.


	29. Chapter 26: Destiny

**Chapter 26: Destiny**

Angel walked across the lobby carrying a mug and unfurling a scroll. He didn't turn when he heard the front door creak. "Good evening Cordy."

Carrying in two bags, she closed the door behind her. "That will never stop creeping me out."

"Well, I'm a little creeped out myself."

"Where's Connor?"

He scanned the scroll's text. "In his room surrounded by books about demon births." He glanced at her. "Thanks for that"

"Hey."

Frowning at the scroll, he shook his head. "I thought 'don't fuck my kid' went without saying, but you're still working on basics like rolling a condom." He sipped his blood. "I'll explain it sometime."

"Enough." She talked to his profile. "This is bigger than you and me. I know what this means." She placed a hand over her stomach. "How fast it's growing means this baby is magical; it has a purpose which means Connor and I were destined to create it. And nothing – not you or the team or even the feelings I had for you can stand in the way of destiny."

He rolled the scroll closed again. "Glad you've got it all figure out." With a glance back, he returned to his office and shut the door.

Cordy look around the lobby but didn't hear anyone else. Frowning, she carried her bags up the stairs to Connor's room. She opened the door and found him lying on the bed staring at the ceiling. Dusty, dense reading material surrounded him. She set her bags by the door. "I left you here so you could rest." Leaning over the bed, she closed the books around him. "Giving yourself nightmares is not rest."

His head turned towards her. "Where did you go?"

"To get things for the baby. It will be here soon. We need to be ready." She lay down next to him and took his hand.

His gaze returned to the ceiling. "How do we do that – be ready?"

She snuggled closer. "We think about everything that could hurt it and make sure nothing can."

He stayed quiet a long moment before murmuring. "What if the thing I'm most scared of is the baby?"

"What are you saying Connor?"

"What if it's powerful? What did it hurts people . . . hurts you?"

She squeezed his hand. "You can't think like that." She watched his other hand crinkle a gruesome drawing. "I don't like that they've been putting fears in your head. The bad times are over. No one needs to be in disaster-mode anymore." She inched the drawing out of his grasp and set it aside. "If they can't accept this, then we shouldn't stay here. We could make our own home, together, away from here . . . somewhere safe where it can just be us."

Looking over at her, he noted the brown of her yes, the wrinkle around the mouth, the shine in hair, the soft sound of her breathing. "I need to see her again before. Just—I need to see her."

She brushed his hair away from his eyes. "She's your past Connor. Me and the baby are your future." Her hand rested on his cheek. "Buffy understands that. That's why she walked away from you yesterday. She knows you have to do this part on your own."

"I'm scared."

"I know sweetie. I know."

* * *

Angels dragged both hands down his face and then shook his head briskly. The sun would be crawling up the sky by now. A whole day and night of research and they were no closer to understanding what was happening to Cordelia. He'd known these texts weren't gonna help, but he needed to do _something_.

The surest path to answers was through Lorne or Buffy and he'd been left out of that plan. They snuck out in the first hours of daylight leaving behind a four-line note. In those four lines, Wes wrote what they hoped to accomplish and when they might be back. He left out where they were going and why they hadn't told him in person.

Angel wasn't used to being the one left behind. He fought the battles, he executed the plans – he was the one who hunted answered and decided who to share them with.

Angel sensed this plan came from Buffy—even the cutting him out part.

For someone who wasn't sure what dimension she inhabited, she had a knack for solving this dimension's problems, and obviously she saw him as one of them. Even worse, maybe she didn't think of him at all. Wes said the only way to matter to her – to even exist to Buffy was to be friend or foe. Angelus got her attention. Somehow, Connor had too. His son could always get her to respond to him. Angel had tried it both ways –bully and ally, but he'd only ever won a few moments of connection.

Some days, he felt he'd give anything for eye contact with her, but when he had, given up his soul even, he'd gotten so much more. She gave her blood, her body, her protection, her attention in every way he could desire it. Now that he had his soul again, he was locked out of it -out of her . . .

Maybe he was twice-cursed and the second curse was to constantly long for her. Since the first time he saw her, that's what his life felt like.

* * *

Lilah came out of the elevator looking well-rested and impeccably dressed. She passed Lorne lying on one of the hall's couches and grimaced at the wastebasket by his side.

With eyes closed, he mumbled, "I almost welcome a Wolfram and Hart mental scrub right now."

"At least you saved the carpet."

"Wes didn't." He cracked open an eye. "Only one bucket."

"He still in there?"

He stretched his neck. "You'd assume he was one proud papa if he wasn't planning on killing whatever she pulls inside."

She looked down the hall at the closed door and he smoke slipping out the bottom. "They start the stealing yet or is her belly still creepin' and crawlin' to make room?"

He scratched the hair around his horns. "I have no idea and I won't be finding out."

"Too gruesome for a demon?"

Returning his hands to his chest, he sighed. "For a compassionate, psychic demon? Yes." He sat up. "You'd probably be fine."

"Probably." She glanced back at the door. "I actually hadn't pegged him as that twisted."

"I'm sure you helped him along."

"I think his new girlfriend deserves most of the credit."

Lorne smirked. "Wes knows that girl is maxed out on boy troubles."

"You mean the baby daddy. Whose kid is she trying to steal anyway?" She frowned. "She must not be too attached is she plans on killing it."

Lorne nodded. "It's true she is technically single and she's got your beau in a room with dark magic – voluntarily."

"She's also in agony that will rip her apart soon enough."

"So a threat with an expiration date."

"My favorite kind."

Slowly, Lorne stood. "Well, now I can say quite literally that I prefer nauseating torment to your presence." He walked to the smoking door and opened it letting groans and singing escape into the hall.

Watching the door close behind him, she shook her head. "Suit yourself."

* * *

Gunn walked into the office and grabbed up the book he's left on his chair. "So where is the happy couple anyway?"

Frowning, Angel reluctantly looked up from his notes. "You haven't seen them today?" He looked at Fred. "Either of them?"

"I passed Cordy in the hall last night, but it's been pretty quiet today."

Angel set down his papers and stalked into the lobby. He looked at the stairs as almost the same moment Connor appeared at the top of them.

"What are you doing to her?"

"No one is doing anything Connor."

Fred came up behind Angel. "What's happening to Cordelia?"

"Something is wrong inside."

Gunn stepped into the doorway. "A new something?"

Angel hurried up the stairs yelling back, "Call Wes and ask how much longer."

He followed Connor to an unused room. Covered in dust, the floor had holes and missing boards. Cordelia lay near a corner holding her stomach.

Angel carefully navigated a path to her and knelt at her side. "Are you having the baby?"

Through tears, she shook her head.

He took her hand. "It's going to be okay Cordy. Wes will bring the others back and we'll figure out what's happening."

She wheezed, "Hurts."

He squeezed tighter and locked eyes with her. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you." His voice grew hoarse. "You're going to be fine."

She lifted her shirt to reveal blue ripping beneath the skin. She gritted out, "This is not fine."

Carefully, Angel placed his palms on either side of her stomach. He closed his eyes to concentrate.

From the doorway, Connor looked on with a blank expression. "If it dies, will she dies too?"

"No one's dying." He looked past his son and shouted as loud as he could. "Gunn! Fred!"

Gunn ran up behind Connor. "He's not picking up." Hearing her groan, he rushed on, "Fred's gonna keep trying. He's gotta answer sometime."

Her eyes found Connor. "They're killing our baby. They're killing it!"

Gunn frowned. "They wouldn't—"

"They're doing this!"

Removing his hands from her, Angel scanned the floor. "We should move her."

Gunn pushed past Connor. "I got her."

Gunn and Angel carried Cordelia out of the crumbling room. She started to seize in the hallway, so they had to lay her down.

Slowly, Connor knelt by her side. When the seizing subsided, he put a hand on her abdomen. "I think it's getting smaller."

Gunn looked at Angel who nodded grimly. He whispered, "I know Wes has gone rogue before, but he wouldn't do this right?"

Angel stared at her stomach. "I don't know, but if he did, we won't find them in time." He shook his head. "He never said where they would be."

"Likely suspects are a friend we _can't_ find or a stranger we _won't_ find." He sat on his heels. "Or a group of strangers."

Angel watched his son pet Connor's hair. "Or the Powers."

"You think the high and mighties are in the abortion biz?"

"Most women don't survive mystical pregnancies. If she's important to them, they might want to undo hers.

Gunn scowled. "I want a theory we can do something about."

Angel looked at Connor's face. "So do I."


	30. Chapter 27: Further Down the Path

**Chapter 27: Further Down the Path**

Buffy's chest rose and hovered above the table. The smoked around her pushed her chest up further and further until she almost appeared to be standing on the table. Her abdomen expanded steadily but she didn't make a sound. She'd lost consciousness long ago.

Wesley's coat lay crumpled in the corner on top of his ringing phone. He stood watching her body change while Lorne watched Jairen.

Like tentacles, her black hair kept stroking Buffy's head and stomach.

For the first time since they began, Jairen stopped singing. She slammed both her hands against the table and immediately white light beamed out of Buffy's eyes and mouth.

Still unconscious, she gasped and screamed at the same time –her body unable to choose between breathing and venting pain.

Her feet rose off the table so she levitated limply above them all.

With light still shining from her, Buffy held her belly. Her mouth opened wide, but now, no sound came out.

Wes looked at Lorne. "What's happening?"

"The last words she sang were about going to a river." He glanced at Buffy. "I don't think everyone is coming back from that river."

"Do we think she has the entity inside?"

"If so, it doesn't look like she'll have it for much longer."

By now, Buffy's pants were pushed low on her hips. Slowly, a dark stain appeared and began to grow between her legs. Eventually, drops spilled hitting the table. Wesley watch the black drops evaporate before his eyes.

Suddenly, Buffy fell to the table landing hard on her hands and knees. The light faded from her mouth and eyes revealing her fully conscious, pained expression.

She panted and scratched at the table as more liquid pooled beneath her.

* * *

Fred found the group huddled in the hall. "I still can't get through to . . ." She saw Cordy lying on the floor with a completely flat stomach. "You're not . . . she's not—"

Connor stared at Cordy as he held her hand. "She's alive."

"I really am." Sweat-covered and panting, Cordy looked for Angel. "It wasn't mine. It wasn't me."

Angel frowned along with the rest of the group. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know." Tears brimmed. "I looked down and there was something inside and it was burning and twisting. I don't know how it got there." She looked around the hallway. "I don't know how I got here."

He rested a hand on her knee. "We carried you out of the room when the floorboards started creaking. It wasn't safe to stay in there." He nodded towards the door a few feet behind them.

She grabbed his hand. "I was a higher being and I wasn't banging the dirty, so how am I back and knocked up – again?"

Gunn leaned forward. "You don't remember the last month?" He glanced at the group. "A second amnesia, that's just. . . ."

Fred shook her head. "So something was possessing her this whole time?"

Connor loosened his grip on Cordy's hand.

Angel glowered. "Something hitched a ride back with her."

Cordelia shook her head. "Why would anything want to be here? I know I did, but it was you guys – I missed you." She grimaced. "I didn't really miss here."

Gunn smirked. "Thanks for that."

She let Connor help her sit up. "You know what I mean. Higher planes have all the good stuff without any of the—"

"—Pain." Angel watched her wince on a deep breath.

"Yeah."

He leaned back against the wall. "Well, something wanted back and something else knew about it.

Looking at the spot Cordelia had been lying down on, Gunn nodded. "That exit sure as hell didn't seem like part of a plan." He turned to Angel. "Looks like the Powers really did step in."

Angel sighed, "Maybe."

Fred stood up. "I'll leave Wes a message that we're alright." Her eyes flickered towards Gunn. "And apologize for earlier."

Angel lifted a brow.

She scrunched up her nose. "I may have implied some things that were uncalled for."

Gunn stood too. "It's okay—I mean, it's not really, but we were thinking it too . . . that he might have caused this."

Angel nodded. "If he'd known something had taken over Cordy, he would have warned us. I don't know what he would have done after that, but we would have warned us."

Gunn shrugged. "I'd still like to know what rock those three crawled under."

Angel came by her side so he and Connor would help her up. "Wherever it was – whatever they started isn't needed anymore. Cordy is just Cordy now."

Connor draped her arm over his shoulder to carry her weight. "Yeah, she's her again."

Gunn, Fred, and Angel looked at him with varying expressions of discomfort and pity.

Cordy frowned. "What's wrong?" She looked between them and Connor. "That's a good thing right?"

* * *

Lorne rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Guessing her plan didn't say what we should do now."

Wes watched her foam at the mouth and occasionally spasm. "Indeed."

The black liquid was now nothing more than a stain on her pants. The lights and smoke and even Jairen herself had disappeared leaving Buffy an unresponsive wreck.

Lilah knocked on the open door. "I called you guys a gurney – and a body bag just in case."

Lorne scowled. "I'm going to take this opportunity to not thank you for your assistance."

Wesley sighed, "The gurney will be fine Lilah. Tell them to send it in."

She turned to leave then stopped. She looked back at the table. "That actually is the best case scenario for this kind of magic."

He closed his eyes. "She understood the risks."

Neither turned to watch as she walked out.

Lorne swallowed. "If Cordelia just went through what she did . . . she might not be in much better shape."

Wes nodded. "In trying to prevent tragedies, I am quite apt at causing them."

A maintenance worker rolled in the gurney and left it alongside the table.

Lorne moved to Buffy's side and straightened her legs. "If Angelhair said Cordy was under the dark mojo, then I believe this was the best shot at saving her."

Wes lifted her shoulders while Lorne grabbed her ankles. They carried her off the table and onto the gurney. Lorne took his pocket square out to wipe the froth from her mouth. "She's only ever been good to that family."

Wes retrieved his jacket from the floor. Picking up his phone, he saw the number of missed calls. "I think she asked me to keep this secret so neither of them would have to choose."

"She certainly chose for them."

Wes tucked his jacket around Buffy's torso. "Losing a warrior is different than losing . . . those most vulnerable."

"By different you mean easier."

He watched her body convulse again. "Yes."

Lorne pushed the gurney towards the door. "Your heart really has frozen over."

Wes guided the front of the gurney out the door. "I was trained to be a watcher – to _watch _young women sacrifice _everything_ for this world . . . for me and everyone else." He looked down as Buffy's unconscious face. "The difference is now I sacrifice too." He pressed the elevator button.

When the doors opened, Lorne pushed the gurney in. The doors closed quietly behind them. "Sunshine may be a slayer, but she did this for one reason: love of a friend. From the stories Angel told us that's only reason she did any of it. If anything, her love and willingness to fight for it makes her life more valuable, not less."

Without looking at him, Wes replied in a low voice. "You stood with me and watched her do this to herself. You let this happen too."

Lorne re-tucked the coat around her after a spasm shook it off. "And while you're wondering if the others will forgive you, I'm worrying about how I'll live with myself if she doesn't recover."

Wesley watched the elevator light illuminate descending numbers. "Cordelia might be dead and Buffy's condition is likely to worsen. If feeling guilty was enough to destroy a person, I'd have died a while ago."

Lorne brushed strands of hair away from her eyes. "After all his sins, Angel won this pure heart's love. If that's not proof of forgiveness in this world, I don't know what is."

Wes rested a hand over hers. "I'll face myself in the mirror by remembering this is my path too. She's further along but she's not alone on it. Someday I will give my life for others . . . so will you."

Looking down they both noticed the foam from her mouth turning black.

Finally, the doors opened to the ground floor.

The bump from the elevator to the lobby jostled a tear down Lorne's cheek as they pushed her into the day. "It's okay sugarplum. You're heading home now."


	31. Chapter 28: Not Coming Back

**Chapter 28: Not Coming Back**

Lorne looked up at the hotel as they parked. He got out, opened her door, and crawled in to pick her up. Wesley came around to his side and accepted her body from him. Their eyes met for a moment then skittered elsewhere. When Wes stepped back, Lorne climbed out, closed the door and nearly jogged to the front door.

Through the glass, he saw Connor on the stairs. Sighing, Lorne opened the door for them.

As if in a daze, Connor met them in the middle of the lobby. He took in his friend's pale face and matted hair. "She did this for me . . . to try and help her."

Lorne swallowed. "Is Cordy . . . is she?"

Connor stared at the dark stain around her mouth. "She's better now."

Wes released a big breath. "We greatly hoped she would be."

Hovering above her shoulder, Connor's hand finally made contact. "She's not coming back this time."

Both men heard the question behind his words. Neither wanted to answer it.

Connor held out his arms and Wesley passed her between them. Holding his friend, Connor took a shaky breath.

Lorne looked anywhere but at her. "Where's Angel and the team?"

Instead of answering, Connor turned around and walked towards the back door. Lorne hurried in front of him to open it for them. He watched Connor carry her into the garden and sit down against the broken fountain. He cradled her close without making a sound.

Gunn walked down the stairs. "It's about time ya'll got back. You get Fred's messages? We're all good here. Looks like a higher power stepped in for Cordy."

Wesley stared at Connor's hunched back. "I suppose it does look that way."

Gunn turned to Lorne. "So you super psychic now?"

He sighed. "Nothing super here."

"Are they back?!" Fred leaned over the banister above them. "Wes, it's a miracle. Cordy was screaming and posessesd—"

"It was some gross shit." Gunn added.

"And now she's complete herself again and unpregnant and doesn't even remember anything after the higher plane."

"Is Angel with her now?"

"Yes, and she most certainly is not interested in his son anymore."

Lorne winced. "Let's not shout that too loud Fredikins."

Reaching Gunn's side, she ducked her head. "I know and I can't even imagine how hard this is for him. Having a baby and a somebody and then. . ."

Gunn put his arm around her. "Pretty much ranks as worst break but. . ."

Lorne nodded. "Still better than possessed girlfriend and evil spawn."

Fred chirped, "And now that Buffy's back, he won't' feel so alone."

Gunn scanned the lobby. "Where is the beast-killer at?"

Lorne glanced out the back door. From behind the fountain only Connor's head and shoulders were visible.

Wesley walked up the stairs. "Angel should be the first to know."

Lorne followed him up.

Frowning, Gunn and Fred watched their silent march.

* * *

Connor wished he couldn't hear them.

He didn't want to hear a voice that wasn't hers. She was the only one who deserved to be heard. But every word from the second floor drifted down to him.

"Angel."

"This has to do with me, doesn't it?"

"The Powers That Be did not save you, Buttercup, Buffy did."

"How is that possible?"

"Before she destroyed what was inside her, Buffy took it into herself."

"Is she alright?"

Connor held her tighter. He didn't want them to say what he couldn't even think.

"Is she possessed?"

"No."

"Wes. Come on, whatever it is, we'll deal with it, but you have to tell us what happened today."

"Buffy gave up her life is what happened."

"She's—"

"Not going to be Buffy again."

"She regained consciousness for the final stage of the spell. We hoped that meant – but the last of her strength leaves as the magic does."

"So she's alive."

"Her heart and breath stop for increasing intervals and come back fainter each time. We believe the impressions of life are merely ripples of the spell. Once the ripples even, her body will settle into death."

_No._ As long as Connor held her she was here with him. He'd never stop holding her.

"Where?"

"Connor is with her now."

He felt their eyes on the back of his head. He minded their eyes on her more. She wouldn't want anyone watching her sleep – anyone but him. He'd stood watch for her many times.

"According to Buffy, Connor sensed the darkness in Cordelia. She believed he shared her ability to see a thing's nature. If that's true, then that knowledge should help him cope with what happened to Cordelia and the being inside her."

"It won't help him with this."

"No, but it might comfort you both to know she spent her last days lucid. She understood this was her home – she hadn't been cast into any hell dimension. She was home and there were people here who cared for her . . . I believe she was referring to Dawn. I don't know what brought about her epiphany."

"Angelus. Angelus told her."

"While I wish it had come from a friendlier source, to say the least, that revelation meant she understood and accepted the risks of her plan. If she survived, she would have sought out her loved ones, but she could not leave things as they were in good conscience."

"This wasn't her responsibility."

"Perhaps not, but Connor was like family to her."

"She knew that spell could kill both Cordelia and herself. Her plan to save my son from loss was flawed from the start."

"Angelcakes, that's not what she was trying to save him from."

"Me. She wanted to save him from me . . . from what I'd become."

"Grief is not the worst thing that can befall someone."

Holding her close, Connor used his other hand to clasp one of hers. Her fingers felt icy but still soft. His thumb traced the blue web of veins on the back of her hand. He'd lain her head against his shoulder. Her hair ticked his chin. He welcomed it. Silence at last.

* * *

Day trickled into night.

Angel leaned against the open door watching his son.

Gunn came up behind him. "Is this one of those multi-day meditation things?"

He shrugged with eyes locked on the garden.

Gunn opened his mouth to ask another question. When he saw the tension in Angel's jaw, he closed it and joined Fred at the front desk. "I didn't get it when he sat there for Holtz, but meditating with a corpse is a whole different deal."

Fred glanced over at Angel. "I think he's listening for it. He won't let Connor stay with her very long once she finally. . ."

"Stops coming back to life?"

"Yeah."

Gunn nodded at Angel's office. "What's Wes researchin' anyway? Thought he said she was a goner."

"When I offered to help, I saw books on dimensional portals and notes on burial costs. He's just looking things up for thing to do."

"Big bads are gone and we're all just waitin' for a girl to die. Cordy and Lorne – the chattiest of our bunch are sitting on her bed in silence. It's eerie."

"I've been checking the voicemail and writing messages. I don't know what to say to anyone. I can't refer them to someone else, but we can't help them. We can't help ourselves."

Coming behind her, he looked over her shoulder. "What ya' got?"

"Demon looters, vampire nests, 'cockroaches the size of rats' – take your pick."

"Been a while since I did a good ol' fashioned vamp raid." He picked up the posit-it note and then grabbed another. "If I get done early I'll check out the creepy-crawlers – exterminator for a night doesn't sound half bad."

"We can't do this all ourselves."

"Nah, but I'm bettin' Cordy could use a distraction. Even Wes might like a break from feeling useless."

"You sure that's not abandoning them?"

Gunn looked at Angel. "You want us here staring at you?"

"I really don't." Angel stepped into the garden and closed the door behind him.

Fred picked up the phone. "I'll let them know we'll take the job."


	32. Chapter 29: Into the Crag

**Chapter 29: Into the Crag**

Angel sat in silence until the others left. Their comments – even their restlessness, interrupted his thoughts and so many thoughts scratched for his attention.

Her heart hadn't beat for 123 seconds . . . 124 . . . 125 . . . 126 . . . 127 . . . 128 . . . thump thump . . . thump thump.

She'd known going in . . . she'd known she was home . . . and she hadn't said good bye. He didn't look at his son. "I should have known she wasn't her, that there was something taking her over."

". . . Could you have saved her?"

"I could have tried. There had to be a different way."

Connor leaned his head against hers. "Who's Dawn?"

He looked at Buffy. "Her sister. She has a sister. She'd be about your age now."

"Is she strong too?"

"She's just a normal girl."

Connor interlocked his fingers with hers. "I wanted her to save Cordelia."

Angel nodded absently. "I wanted her to save me."

"From the Beast?"

"From myself."

Connor stuttered out a breath. "I don't know how to lose her."

Angel stared at her closed eyes. "Losing her before doesn't make this easier. Saying goodbye still feels impossible."

"I can't."

Both froze when her heart stopped.

Connor whimpered as Angel started to mentally count.

. . . 3 . . . 4 . . . _Buffy please_ . . . 6 . . . _Come back_ . . . 9 . . . _I need you so much. Connor needs you_ . . . 14 . . . 15 . . . 16 . . . 17 . . . _This can't be it_ . . . 21 . . . 22 . . . _We need a goodbye. We deserve that. I never said goodbye to you before, but I swear, if you hang on, if you wake up, I'll say it. I'll find a way to say it and mean it, but you need to wake up. You need to hear it_ . . . 36 . . . 37 . . . _You need to look in my eyes, know who I am and know how much I still love you. It's not less - hasn't faded. It's stronger, it's more. Buffy, that's your power: once someone starts to love you, that love grows and grows – it never stops. Even after it's taken over your whole heart and soul, it never stops_ . . . 76 . . . 77 . . . 78 . . . _I won't forgive you for leaving this way. You didn't give me a chance to fight for you, fight for us. You knew that, right? You knew there'd always be us. I see you and I'm someone else, my life means something else and I need that. Buffy, if there's no you, the crag of despair widens until hope itself falls in ._ . . 117 . . . 118 . . . _Don't let it fall in _. . . 124 . . . 125 . . . _Don't let me fall in_ . . . 130 . . . 131 . . . 132 . . . thump thump.

Connor's first tear fell.

Angel unclenched his fist. Crescent wounds appeared on his palms where nails burrowed through skin to the stolen blood beneath.

Thump thump . . . thump thump.

* * *

"If this is her dying, someone is getting slaughtered."

"Spike?" Angel looked up. "How did you know she was—"

"—resurrected, comatose? I didn't. Got a call a couple days ago. Decided to check it out."

"From who?"

He gestured, "Her – someone talkin' like her wanting to know about Dawn and me."

Angel looked passed him. "She's not—"

"Left lil' bit home. Wasn't so rash as to drag her in the lion's den with me."

Connor leaned back to look at Buffy's face. "Her family should be here."

"No chance of that, so it's time for her to go to them."

Nodding, Connor lifted Buffy away from him. Spike kneeled before him to take her weight.

Watching Spike begin to stand, Angel choked out, "Spike, this – she can't—you're leaving _now_?"

Without turning, he replied, "I just learned my best friend is alive and dying, so I'm riding a thin line of sanity." He looked down into her face and tightened his hold. "Sisters should be together one last time, so I'm bringing her home." He didn't blink away his tears. "You can either follow us or call this your goodbye."

Like a magnet, Connor rose to his feet and stepped closer to her.

"Connor."

"I can't leave her Dad."

"The others – we have to leave a note."

Spike watched him crawl to his feet. "Goldilocks doesn't have time for much, so we won't be waiting." He walked through the lobby and out the front door with Connor trailing behind.

Standing in the now empty garden, Angel froze. He'd been watching her die and now he was leaving everything behind to follow her out.

The creak of the front gate opening spurred his legs forward. He pushed his hand through his hair as he spared a glance for hotel.

Outside sat a beat up truck. Spike tossed keys to his son. "Drive fast boy."

Angel jogged to take the key from him. "He doesn't drive yet." He opened the door for Spike to climb in the passenger seat with Buffy in his lap. "I got it." He started the car as Connor hopped in the truck. "Hang on to something."

Spike looked down at her. "Same goes for you pet."

* * *

They huddled in the belly of a cargo plane.

Spike had wrapped her in his coat. In complete darkness, he combed her hair with his fingers.

"Will, we were going to tell you."

"Just as soon as she saved the world." He patted the coat to ensure it tucked securely around her. "She's the reason your sun came back."

Angel's head jerked. Spike knew about the star going away, but Connor had gone away too. Buffy brought both of them back. He nodded, "She did save my world, but that's not the reason I kept her secret."

Connor frowned in the direction of the bleached vampire. "She didn't know who anyone was."

Spike spoke low into the black. "But I knew who she was. I could have protected her."

"She didn't need that."

Angel put a hand on his son's shoulder. "Connor."

"Mind your pa boy."

"He is not my father."

Spike sniffed her hair leisurely. "Skin is a porous thing. Everything on top seeps down and everything beneath works its way up. The blood in your veins, the sweat, grease in your hair – all smell of my sire's sire. Just as the blood in her veins, her sweat, her tears smell of magic – of forces thick enough to drown her soul." He held her tighter when her heart stopped. "Right now, it's holding her under. It's waiting for her to give in, to let it win. Only then does it let her resurface. Dark magic leaves much worse than death in its wake. It leaves torment. I would have saved her from that."

They sat completely still waiting . . . hoping . . . panicking . . .

Thump thump . . . thump thump . . .

"That's it pet, you keep fighting it. There's someone who will very much want to see you . . . before you rest again."

Angel could barely make out her breathing. "Is she cold?"

"You and me are cold peaches – doesn't mean we're dead."

Connor followed his voice to their side. Lifting her legs, Connor sat beside Spike so her legs rested on Connor's lap rather than the floor.

Angel found his way to Spike's other side. He lifted his hands to her back to accept her weight.

Slowly, Spike released her back and head into his care. He rotated his shoulders and felt the aches pop and crack. His hands moved down to shelter hers.

Angel sat with his legs straight so her had could rest against his thigh. With closed eyes, he pet her hair and imagined her resting face. He sent a prayer into the air that she wasn't in any pain.

Each man held a different part of her. Together, they gave her warmth and comfort.

Thump thump . . . thump thump . . . . . . . . . 1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . . .

Eventually, Connor fell asleep.

Spike tilted his head towards Angel. "You said Rupert knew about the spell, about everything. We spent some Christmas dinners with him and this whole time – he knew."

"Do you see him often?"

"He keeps his distance. Thought he felt guilty for leaving Buffy those years back. Dawn and I certainly blamed him for a while. Guess he's been stayin' away for a different guilt."

"I should have called."

"I didn't even recognize her on the phone. Her voice had so much fear and desperation – I'd never heard her sound like that."

"I still haven't."

"I let her down . . . again."

"So did I."

"Dawn might meet her in a heavenly dimension, but for you and me, this is it. We'll never get a chance to say how sorry we are, beg her forgiveness."

Angel nodded to himself. "I'm hoping my son will carry that message for me."

"Buffy's resurrected, you have a son—"

"You're a guardian to a human."

"I don't understand anything anymore."

"When Connor brought her back to us – she was . . . changed. I wasn't sure they'd brought all of her back."

"Or that she was really her."

"Turns out the hitchhiker was in Cordelia instead."

"Of course she'd save the cheerleader."

"Wesley was with her. He said she was herself at the end. . . she'd been her all along."

"You might have put down what they raised?"

"I don't know. If she'd become a threat . . . even then, I don't know."

"If they'd raised a zombie, I don't see myself killing her. Even if that's what she'd have wanted. Letting her go was never voluntary for me."

"I wasted years away from her. I could have been there for all of it. I wouldn't have missed a day."

"You could have been with her every moment of those days and it wouldn't be enough time."

"As it stands, you have more memories with her than I do."

"We always did have different ideas about love. Can't count the times you and Darla left each other in sotted spots."

"I left Darla because I didn't care. I stayed away from Buffy because I did."

"You care about you; that doesn't change. I miss the girl. You're missing how she made you feel about life, your potential, but you don't have potential. You'll be a selfish git till the end Angelus."

Angel leaned his head back. "And she still chose me."

"She was going up against a god. She was terrified and she called you for help."

"I didn't—"

"You didn't pick up. You said later you'd been in another dimensions – saving the cheerleader that time too as I recall."

"I didn't know she called."

"Even after she died, she rose and ran straight to your doorstep. . . . . . I'm not even surprised. She loves like me: passionately, completely till the end – no matter how unrequited."

"I loved her just as much."

"Never knew you as a human, but I've seen your demon and your soul and I'd wager you were never capable of it. You're always focused on finding your place, making your mark. Destroying the world, saving it – two sides of Destiny's bloody coin. Poor girl didn't have a chance."

"Everyone wants to find where they belong."

"Most aren't obsessed with it. I wasn't meant to be a sitter to Dawn or a nurse to Joyce. I didn't belong in the slayer's life, but some things mattered more. I fought demons with her, but we also made mac and cheese, changed sheets . . . "

"The first person I ever took care of was Connor. I find him a young man and he's caring for her in ways I never thought to – he brushed her hair."

"She always had a weak spot for brooding eyes."

"Don't think that was them. He and Cordelia – they were, became, but—

"Sounds about right – same maturity level and all."

"I don't know what Buffy and Connor are to each other. They were something different . . ."

"He looks at her with guilty eyes."

Angel spoke carefully. "She sensed something wrong in Cordelia. I think he did too. He knows she did this for him."

"Too soft a heart pet – always trying to protect people from life's pain. You should have let them feel it."


	33. Chapter 30: Necessity of Sacrifice

**Chapter 30: Necessity of Sacrifice**

Buffy lay on their flat's couch. With curtains closed, the aging, yellowed lights blanketed the room in a dim glow.

Dawn stood at the end of the couch staring down. "She looks younger – younger than me even."

Angel agreed. With Dawn's new interest in makeup and hair products, she looked like a young woman. Thinner now and unadorned, Buffy looked the young teen in the room. At 22, she could pass for thirteen, a homeless thirteen.

Dawn looked at Angel. "What's happened to her?"

His jaw forgot to form words.

Connor answered, "She found her way back."

A knock on the door sent Spike grabbing a blanket and leaving the room to answer it. Low murmurs turned into footsteps around the corner.

Giles and Willow stepped into the room. Their eyes found her.

"Buffy."

Spike shouldered passed Willow. "Thought Red's magic was leashed these days. We don't need another pair of gawking eyes."

Giles face grew tenser the longer he looked at Buffy.

Willow started to cry. "I-"Her eyes darted from Angel to Sawn to Spike and back to Buffy. "I didn't mean for this. I thought I was helping her."

Spike shrugged. "Buffy's pain drover her a bit mad, but she saved Cordelia, so you did help someone."

Dawn's voice wobbled, "how mad?'

Connor leaned over the back of the couch so he could glance down at her occasionally. "She wasn't your Buffy. She was a different Buffy, but she's amazing."

"You knew her?"

Angel looked at Connor and Buffy close together. "They both spent time in other dimensions. Connor is my son."

Finally, Giles looked as someone besides Buffy. "You procreated – a human child."

Spike rolled his eyes. "Vampire tot gets skepticism but resurrection is old hat eh Rupert?"

Angel frowned. "He's not a vampire. He's just kind of younger than he looks."

Connor frowned too. "I'm not a child."

Willow stepped towards the couch. "Do we know anything about the spell she did?"

Angel sighed. "A shady organization has a contact who specializes in interrogating demons. She moves demons from this dimension into a worse one until they crack. They owed Wes a favor and figured this thing had access to the kind of power required."

"Required for what?"

"Buffy wanted to bring whatever was possessing Cordelia into herself, destroy it and expel it."

Willow crouched next to the couch. "How?"

Seeing the Angel boys awkward shuffle, Spike shrugged. "It took the form of a nib. Buffy had a botched abortion – baby evil is gone but it took her down with it."

Giles shook his head. "My god."

A little gasp escaped Willow. "She's stopped breathing."

Spike nodded. "She does that." He looked at Angel. "We're up to almost 3 and a half minutes now?"

"Pulse and breath stop and we just hope it keeps coming back." Angel's eyes fell to the floor. "We don't know how long she can hold on."

Giles coughed and cleared his throat. "And that being that performed the magic – it couldn't revive her."

Spike mildly glared at Angel. "Apparently, everyone involved understood the spell was one life for another."

Angel's shoulders hunched further. "They gave Cordy her best shot but they knew they spell would probably kill them both."

Giles frowned. "They – meaning you weren't involved in this?"

"I've been trailing events for a while, finding out too little too late." He frowned. "Years actually."

Spike nodded. "Kid will do that to a bloke."

"Hey." Dawn scowled.

"No one said you could help it."

Willow reached for Buffy's hand. "I want to do this, but I don't know if natural magic will let me."

Coming to her side, Giles spoke in a low voice. "Nature cares not for justice or fairness. It demands only balance. Buffy understood that better than most. She accepted the necessity of sacrifice. This may be a sacrifice we must accept too."

Squeezing her hand, Willow whispered, "I did this."

He rested a hand on her shoulder. "Her suffering since being brought back may be at your feet, but not this. This is Buffy giving her life for another because that's who she is, who she always was."

"I'm sorry Buffy. I'm so so sorry."

Dawn walked out of the room.

Spike turned to Connor. "Mini-poofter, if you want to be useful, stick with lil' sis. Like Buffy, she has a right annoying habit of running off."

Angel nodded. "We'll watch over her." With many a glance backward, father and son trailed after Dawn.

Spike looked between Willow and Rupert. "Sitting vigil is the friend and family privilege. You are neither. What can you do for her?"

Will swallowed. "I went into her mind once – when they took Dawn. I could try and make contract. Maybe she remembers details of the spell that will help us understand what's happening to her now."

"You might not find anyone home."

Giles squeezed her shoulder. "Since Buffy didn't perform the spell, it's unlikely she'd understand the ingredients, incantations, and steps involved."

Willow's tears increased.

Spike shook his head. "If her soul is in there – she's not hiding, she's dying. She needs energy, strength."

"Another life force."

He nodded.

* * *

"So, how do we do this?" Spike stared at the murky pond water.

Giles held Buffy close. "Both you and Angel will lie submerged. When Buffy's heart stops next, she'll join you."

Nearby, Willow sat on a wide rock. "That gives me less than five minutes to complete the spell. But if she wasn't in a coma, I'd have no minutes so . . ."

Angel sat in the water. "But because vampires don't drown, you have plenty of time to start the spell."

Spike slowly joined him. "Don't give her any ideas of doddling."

They left a large space between them in the water.

Giles carried her to the edge of the pond.

Spike leaned back on his elbows. "We're counting on you Red."

Angel leaned back to. "We have faith in you."

Will shook her head. "Thanks for the extra pressure."

The vampires grinned before lying down and sinking to the bottom of the pond.

Giles looked over. "You can do this Willow. Transferring energy is the most natural magic there is. To one from another."

"In this case two."

He humored her with a small smile.

She breathed deep. "Okay Will, don't mess up. Don't mess up."

* * *

Dawn and Connor both stared out the window even though the others were miles away.

Dawn leaned against the window frame. "I don't know how Buffy will cope if this kills one of them."

"That's why they both went, so neither vampire would risk death."

She sighed. "Willow's magic can turn. She hurt a lot of people. When Giles brought her to England, Spike wouldn't even let me see her."

Something on the wall caught Connor's eye. He leaned closer. It was a small picture of Dawn, an older woman Buffy, but not Buffy. In the picture, her clothes, her hair, her smile – she looked like anyone in this dimension, like she belonged there. He frowned. "People change."

* * *

Giles lay Buffy between the vampires. Three dead faces lay before him. Stepping out, he watched as with closed eyes, they both reached for her hand at the same time.

Giles nodded to Willow and she started chanting.

A flame crawled from beneath her rock. It gathered before her and blazed a trail from her to the water's edge. The scorched earth crackled and the pond bubbled while the ground beneath the three glowed red.

Giles retreated only a few steps further back. If Buffy's body started to burn, he'd pull her out in an instant. He couldn't bear the thought of her being hurt any more – even if she wasn't alive to feel it.

* * *

The AI team stood awkwardly in the lobby.

Cordelia huffed, "How do they leave with coma girl and not leave a note?"

Wesley sighed, "Likely, she finally passed and they wanted to bury her alone."

Lorne plopped on the settee. "Perhaps our snickerdoodle woke up and they decided to blow this joint."

Cordelia held up a yellow pad. "Either one of those options fits on a post-it."

Gunn shucked his weapons by the cabinet and joined Lorne on the couch. "We'll grill them when they get back."

Fred walked behind the counter and pressed play on the voicemail.

"_Guys, Connor and I had to follow Buffy somewhere. Family wanted to say goodbye and I couldn't – I have to be there at the end. We both did."_

Cordy rolled her eyes. "Vague much?"

* * *

Neither vampire opened his eyes as the ground warmed beneath them. Instead they focused on her wrists.

As soon as her pulse returned, they needed to get her out of here. Everyone understood they may need to restart this spell several times with Buffy's heart giving them a few more second each try.

Whatever it took, however long it took – they'd do this until she revived or died. That was the deal. If she could suffer so much hell, so could they. They could suffer it till it killed them.

Giles kept splitting his focus between the glowing pool and Willow's chanting form. Her hair hadn't changed, but he couldn't see her eyes.

Her brow glistened. Her chanting fell and rose in a gasping cycle.

This spell required strength and she had to perform it without her full range of power. Sweating and wheezing, she looked like a novice witch and probably felt it too.

They'd tried to make the transfer as easy as possible – submerging all three in nature's most conducive element. She'd energized the body of water. Now, she needed to focus and direct that energy.

If she faltered, the energy could dissipate or explode – going places it was never intended to be.

The bubbling water now obscured the details beneath. He didn't know which woman to fear more for.

* * *

In his own apartment, in his favorite chair, Xander stared at his answering machine wishing he didn't live here.

He wished he was the building's maintenance worker or his neighbor with the mutant cats. Their lives must be better – or simpler.

As she often did, Anya voiced his deepest thoughts. "I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this. Since she's not really your friend anymore, is it okay to not feel anything about what Willow said?"

"I don't know. Willow was my best friend and now she's doing magic again – to save a different friend-person who I'd already accepted was gone-gone, forever-gone."

"Well, you did resurrect her."

He shook his head. "We tried, but all this time, I've been thinking Faith was just crazy. If Buffy came back, we'd know."

"I think Faith is crazy too."

"Buffy is back."

"Not in a big way. Coma in England is a long way from slaying in Sunnydale."

He stared at his feet. "I can't remember the last time I talked to her before she asked for help with Dawn – when we were just friends hanging out. When I bartended, I saw her around campus. I think her and Willow visited me at the pizza shop once. I just can't remember it clearly."

"Even if you could, it wouldn't help her now."

He fisted his hands in his hair. "I don't want my only clear memory I have of her to be . . . seeing her dead."

"If you went to England, you'd probably just get another corpse memory."

For once, her blunt words overwhelmed him and he started to sob.


	34. Chapter 31: Held Under

**Chapter 31: Held Under**

Squeezing his eyes more tightly, Spike prayed to his friend. _Please, love, don't leave us. Don't leave us. Don't leave us. We didn't get enough time. Bugger all – we weren't don't being a family. We'll never be don't. You need to come back to us._

On her other side, Angel squeezed her hand tightly, rhythmically as he prayed, _Please come back, Please come back. You're my family. You've always been my family. Please don't let me be alone again. Please – you're hero, lover, sister, mother –you're everything good. You're all I want. Please don't leave again. Buffy, please don't leave._

Buffy's pulse returned so both vampires started to pull her up.

The surface of the water held them under. The force field felt like a wall. They couldn't break through.

They swam with her between them to the other side of the pond searching for a weak spot.

Spike pushed her into Angel's arms so he could swim to the bottom.

The pond was quite shallow so he squatted as low as he could to gain momentum before pushing up.

Angel watched as Spike hit the top and fell to the pond's floor. Undeterred, Angel passed Buffy to Spike and tried the same - with the same results.

Frustrated, panicked, and disoriented, they came together and tucked her low between them so their arms and back covered her head.

Squatting low in the silt, they looked at each other and nodded. Together they rammed into the top of the pond.

Clouds of dirt floated from where they fell.

Losing no time, they huddled again on the pond's floor. They kept their heads low and squeezed each other's arm as the signal – shooting up, up – and back down.

They didn't know if they carried a corpse between them but they needed her out now.

They hugged each other tightly letting her head peak out a bit. They tucked their heads on either side of hers, squatted low, squeezed and pushed with everything they had left – up, up and-

Air.

Sound.

_Buffy!_

Keeping her head above water, they swam for the closest edge.

The bubbles settled around them. By the time they reached the rocky shore, the pond was deathly still.

They lay her on the ground.

Spike hollered, "Rupert!"

Giles sprinted around the pond to her side.

Angel looked up at him. "She needs air and we don't have any to give."

From her rock, Willow watched Giles fall to his knees and begin CPR.

Push push, breath . . . push push, breath . . . push push, breath . . . push push, breath . . . cough.

"Buffy."

She coughed up water. Her pulse steadied. Her eyes remained closed.

Giles fell back in the dirt.

Angel's eyes stayed on Buffy. "Did Willow finish? Did it work?"

Spike helped her sit up to cough and spit out the rest of the water. "If it didn't, I can tell ya' we're not doing that again. Bloody homicidal puddle."

Out of breath, Giles frowned at Angel.

"The spell held us under. I don't know how we got out."

Spike glowered at Willow. "That exhaustion or guilt gluing her arse to the rock?"

Files leaned against a boulder. "Either her heart will stop again or it won't, so we wait."

"Somewhere warmer." Angle stumbled to his fee.t

Rubbing his head, Spike stood too. "So who's the best bet – aging watcher or concussed vampires?"

Giles watched Spike trip on flat ground.

Both vampires fell back when a fire appeared between them. Their eyes flew to Willow's outstretched hand. She lay down and curled in on herself.

Giles nodded at the magically fueled and contained bonfire. "Here will do."

* * *

The moon still reigned but birds' song warned of a coup.

Hours had passed without a word – just a constant awareness of the subtle rise and fall of Buffy's chest. Heeding the birds, the men slowly crawled to their feet.

Spike and Angel each put one her arms around their necks and carried her between them.

When they reached Willow's rock, Giles helped her down and into the car.

* * *

_Sugar. Vanilla. Toast. Cinnamon. Breakfast. _

The first thing Buffy noticed was the smell of breakfast.

_Soft. Warm. Bed. Light._

She cracked open her eyes, winced and closed them tight again. Squinting, she saw beige and white and red hair.

Beside her slept someone small. _Red hair . . . pail skin. Willow?_

Buffy scanned the rest of the room and found someone sitting in the corner.

Tears blurred her vision. "Giles?" She croaked. "Am I dead?"

"Not anymore, no." He leaned forward.

"I jumped."

"You remember me then? You remember what happened."

"You brought me back."

"Willow did."

"Why?"

"You'll have to ask her." He cleared his throat. "When she wakes up that is."

She struggled to sit up and looked around the room again.

Giles followed her gaze to the pictures nodding. "This is Dawn's room. Her and Spike moved here after . . ."

"Did I rub a magic lamp or something?"

From the doorway – "No love, you made a phone call."

When her eyes met Spikes, the air rushed in and out of her lungs like a wave.

"Give a bloke a bit more warning next time. When I finally got to the Angel-cave, you were halfway to a second afterlife."

Giles closed the curtains tight so Spike could enter the room.

Her gaze lost focus. "I did a spell."

"A lot of that going 'round."

"You look . . . really bad."

His smile spread into a grin. "Thanks pet. Had me a rough night. Wasn't alone."

She rubbed her neck. "My head is killing me."

"Ramming into a magical wall will do that." His fingers skimmed his hair. "Got a couple goose eggs myself."

"I rammed a wall?"

He shrugged. "Along for the ride is more like."

"Was this . . . was it underwater?"

Giles' eyes bulged. "You were conscious for the spell?

Her nose wrinkled. "No but my hair is crunchy."

Spike raised a brow. "Slayer intuition is sharp as ever I see."

Willow stirred beside her. She rubbed her eyes at the group. "Hey guys."

Giles smiled softly. "Dawn is attempting breakfast for the both of you. How are your appetites?"

Willow started up at Buffy.

Buffy stared back.

"Hey."

"Hey."

Buffy's eyes roamed her face. "Your hair is longer."

"Yours is redder?"

She grimaced. "I think that's dirt."

Spike walked to Buffy's side. "So ladies, food or shower first?"

They both nodded. "Definitely shower."

"Right then." He started to pick Buffy up. "Red, Dawn's bath is just through that door. Buffy can shine up in mine."

Giles started to stand. "Do you need assistance?"

Spike cradled her close. "Coordination is back in full. Witch might need a hand."

"Of course."

Spike strolled out and down the hall. "How are you feeling pet?"

"Like I'm back in my life."

"But the good part, yeah?"

She snuggled close. "The best parts."

Passing the stairs, they noticed three expressions waiting below.

Angel explained. "We heard voices."

Dawn cried freely. "You're back."

Buffy looked at Connor, Dawn, Angel and back to Spike. "Was it longer this time?"

Spike spoke softly, "Just a couple days – promise."

She turned back to the waiting trio. "It's really good to see you guys." Looking at Dawn, she started to cry too. "Really good."

Spike nodded to Dawn. "You want to help wash pond out of her hair? Pretty sure she's got moss in her roots."

Wiping away her tears, she hustled up the stairs. "I'll get her some clean clothes."

Buffy smiled as she passed and looked back down the stairs.

Angel put a hand on Connor's shoulder. "We'll have food ready when you're done."


	35. Chapter 32: For Her

**Chapter 32: For Her**

After starting the bath, Spike waited outside the door for the girls to finish. They'd left it unlocked in case she needed help. The sound of water sloshing lulled him into a doze. The word "mom" caught his attention.

Dawn murmured, "Angel said you were in heaven. So you were where mom is. . ."

"I don't really remember it . . . just feelings. I felt loved there. I don't think I could have felt so loved if she wasn't there too."

Spike remembered Angel telling him where she'd been, but he hadn't thought about it until now. Each thought about her resurrection brought a different emotion– joy, grief, regret, shame, anger, relief . . .

Dawn spoke again. "Is that why you did that dangerous spell – because you wanted to go back?"

Spike clenched both fists. He heard something fall in the water, possibly his bar of soap. The water settled.

"Dawn, I'm still half-convinced this is heaven. Seeing so many old faces again . . . there's no place I'd rather be."

"Really?"

"I've been really lost for a long time, but somehow I made it back and I'm not leaving your side. You're stuck with me."

His hands relaxed.

"We forgot towels."

He started to stand. "On it pet!"

Spike couldn't make out their whispers as he walked into the hall, but the sound of the sisters' voices made him smile.

After all their grief and pain, Buffy was home again. She was, once again, a part of them.

* * *

After breakfast, Buffy sat on the stoop with Dawn and Connor.

The others were discussing the effects of the spell. She didn't need them to explain what she already sensed: the energy she'd received from Angel and Spike was enough to revive her but not restore her – not fully.

Inside socks and sneakers, her toes felt like ice. Under her sweatshirt, goose bumps covered her arms. Strength and energy – heat- no longer coursed through her. Even more than the hearing and vision loss, she noticed her loss of connection with her surroundings. She knew there was life, magic, danger, power around her. They were in a city. There had to be. But she couldn't sense any of it.

She couldn't remember feeling so . . . unnecessary.

She wasn't a slayer anymore. She wasn't even particularly strong. She was just – alive and loved and home.

She watched the dog walkers pass and the couple and the senior out for a mid-morning stroll.

Dawn looked at Connor. "Do you think you and your Dad will go back to LA?"

He shrugged.

"I saw the fire storm on the news. It looked really bad."

"I've seen worse."

Dawn nodded. "Right, other dimensions, so you weren't where Buffy was. . ."

Looking at the light mist falling, Buffy explained, "We just came back around the same time."

"Weird you guys found each other – good weird."

Buffy looked at Connor. "Meant to meet I guess."

He hung on her gaze. "Do you think I should go back?"

"I think Angel and I need to talk . . . about a lot of things."

Dawn leaned back to watch the mist fall too. "Says a lot that you went to him when you woke up."

"Just kept on following what felt familiar . . . certain road signs, names; figured if I followed the trail eventually I'd find answers."

"Spike and I should have stayed in Sunnydale."

"I don't know. Sounds like you're happy here. Will said one of your stories won a contest."

"It was just a school thing."

Buffy closed her eyes and felt the first full drops of rain. "I like thinking of you safe here all this time. Stories and rain and school things." She smiled. "Sounds perfect."

Connor tilted his head at Dawn. "You still do school?"

"You don't?"

"Connor is learning different stills." Buffy took in a large breath of clean, damp air. "If you want to do more school, Angel can set that up – easy."

Less people passed them by so the rain became the dominant sound. Traffic dwindled, no barking, no murmurs . . . just a low steady rush . . .

Three faces turned upwards and smiled as the growing drops splashed upon their cheeks.

Buffy hummed low in contentment. This moment fell over her confusion like a thick curtain.

Eventually, the door behind them opened.

Giles voice floated out to them. "Angel would like to speak with you."

She knew he wasn't talking to her.

Connor stood. "Alright."

Giles didn't follow him in.

"Buffy, do you feel up to a walk with me?"

She didn't wipe the rain from her face. "Yeah, a walk could be good."

Dawn squeaked. "A short one, right?"

He walked down the stoop's steps. "Just around the block." He helped Buffy up. She took his arm and leaned on him.

Dawn watched them start down the street.

They felt the drizzle fade back into mist. Walking passed stone buildings and iron lamp posts, they felt removed from time. They'd walked through cemeteries together but this stroll was something different. A stroll in daylight, in a soft murmuring part of town, for no reason at all . . . this, they hadn't done.

"I failed you Buffy." Giles matched her small slow steps. "I should never have left."

"You came back for mom's funeral and for Dawn. I remember when I called for help, you always came."

He squeezed her arm. "You shouldn't have had to call."

She leaned more against him. "Kinda impossible to be grudgy at someone who just saved my life."

"You were abandoned but never forgotten – not by anyone."

"I can't believe Xander did dark magic."

"It's my understanding both his partner and Willow's participated as well."

"I barely knew them."

"When it comes to easing a loved one's suffering, we're all capable of reckless actions."

They both sighed deep.

"I'm not a slayer anymore."

"And I'm not a watcher."

She nodded against his shoulder. "I think I'll like not fighting."

They rounded the final corner. Up ahead law a now empty stop.

When they reached it, Buffy sat down. "I'm going to stay out here a bit longer."

Giles nodded and paused a moment before returning inside.

Leaning back against the steps, Buffy watched the sky shift: clouds moved, light dimmed and street lamps came on one by one.

Before she met Connor, she spent most days and nights alone. She learned to prefer silence, to cherish it. She followed him and since then the noise, the questions, doubt, fear, they wouldn't stop.

Now, the fear dissipated, doubts eased, questions were answered – but the noise . . . She didn't know if she could change back. She'd said more today than she had in her whole time back.

Her throat felt rough and the expectations inside this flat felt heavy. So many words – did they really need so many words? . . . She wanted to sleep out here.

She watched Spike help Giles and Willow into a cab.

She watched Angel and Connor stroll down the stone walk towards a hotel.

She felt Spike crack open the front door and deposit a mug. "So you stay warm love." She could smell mint. Eventually, she reached back and cuddled the tea.

She didn't know if she could be a part of the world again, but for her family, she could try.

* * *

_Three months later . . ._

Buffy lay on a park bench watching the twinkling sky.

"Dawn and Spike said I'd find you here."

"mmmm."

"Can I?"

She nodded.

Angel sat on the ground and leaned back against eh bench. He looked up at the stars resting his head on her hip.

"You look different."

"So do you."

"I let Dawn dress me. So this is what a night professor looks like then?"

"Connor tell you about that?"

"He left out the tweed."

He chuckled. "Rupert asked me to uphold the institution's standards and traditions. Least I could do after he got me the job."

Silence cloaked them for several minutes.

She glanced at him. "Any regrets?"

"I sometimes wonder what battles I'd be fighting if I still had my strength . . . what my last fight would have been. But this life . . . this feels like destiny too."

"Spike is sure it will return someday."

"A couple decades, a couple centuries – anything can happen." He met her eyes. "We went in that pond ready to do anything for you. Being the weakest vampires on the block is nothing –nothing compared to the hells we'd suffer for you."

When she held out her hand, he reached up and held hold it. They both squeezed tightly.

She looked back up at the sky without letting go. She whispered, "Angel w-w-ill you stay with me?"

"As long as you'll have me Buffy." Turning, he placed a firm kiss on her hand.

Their eyes found each other and locked.

Stars reflected in her teary eyes. "Always."


	36. The End

**Thank you for all your support. I don't think I'd have finished this story if I didn't know someone out there would read it and find something worthwhile. Your reviews keep me writing. **

**My next Bangle story will be an all human AU. The author of an amazing story, Teenage Anthem, has graciously given me permission to write a sequel. If you have not read it, I highly recommend checking it out – Teenage Anthem by butimbroken. Seriously, folks, this is the story that inspired me to start writing fanfiction. **

**I gave myself a deadline on the Teenage Anthem sequel. It's all outlined and now I just need to get to filling in all the blanks. I hope to post the first couple chapters before Christmas. **

_**I wrote a poem to begin Murkey Grey. I wrote another to end it:**_

_The End of Grey_

* * *

_And here to you, my darling, I say once more, one final time, _

"_We journey forth."_

* * *

_I don't remember our beginning. It was long ago and slow to build, _

_but here, now, the ending is more rich and vivid than the whole. _

_It is here we say good bye. But not yet. Not now. Soon, but still . . ._

* * *

_I put off this journey - been eager for it too, _

_impatient to experience you more and again. _

_Even though to experience you means losing you – feeling us end._

* * *

_Here to you, darling, I say you're lovely. Nothing will ever be as perfect as you are now;_

_in this moment, you are home, life, love, and possibility. _

_Are you ready to begin? Are you ready to end together?_

* * *

_One last journey – one grand walk to rest. _

_It will be a smooth glide. It will go quickly but have taken its own from time._

_Oh lovely, I am pulled to you and cannot pull back. I am ready and you have always been._

* * *

_At last now, lover, let us begin:_


End file.
